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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have not been invited to DH's friend's wedding

113 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 25/06/2010 06:56

A good friend of DH is getting married, the invitation arrived yesterday and when we opened we thought how strange they have sent us both our own invitation as there were 2 invitations in there but when we looked DH is invited to the ceremony and reception and I am only invited to the evening do.

I fully appreciate how tricky it can be managing the numbers at weddings and they are expensive too but it definitely isn't about the money as DH's friend earns a lot of money.

I am pretty hacked off as it isn't like I don't know this guy, i worked at the same company as him (as did DH) for 7 years and was in the same department for 3 of those......

I think I am probably being unreasonable as it is their wedding they can do what they want but feel pretty insulted by this and am thinking i am not going to bother going as i hate turning up at weddings when everyone has been there all day....

OP posts:

shockers · 26/06/2010 11:54

I've been to 3 weddings in the last 2 years... all of which have caused some ill feeling to someone (not me) because of... no children, which table people are on, who's invited etc.
I sometimes wonder if having the 'perfect day' is worth it, if some of your guests are harbouring feelings of intense dislike toward you during their very expensive meal .

Fruitysunshine · 26/06/2010 15:21

I think an increasing problem with preparing weddings is the misplaced feeling of "control" that some couples feel they have.

They are celebrating a marriage - brill - but would you put so much stipulations on a party at home in a more relaxed atmosphere?

If you want people to celebrate it should really be a case of inviting people, their partners and children as marriage is also centre to a lot of families - which include children. If people decide they can make it then fine, if not then that is fine too.

Couples are forking out a lot of money to organise a wedding granted - ours cost £12k and I did it on a tight budget - but our guests also forked out hundreds of pounds in travelling, hotel bills and gifts for us.

Some people really do get carried away with controlling every single little detail of the day when ultimately the only thing you should be concerned about is the ceremony itself. More people seem to focus on the reception!

pranma · 26/06/2010 19:37

I think you should both go to evening do only[as long as dh isnt best man or groomsman or something].Dh can tell his friend that he will understand why once he has been married for a while

Sn0wflake · 26/06/2010 20:01

Christ I can't believe that some people have so little class! Also that some people on here think it's OK.

It's very very rude.

Limara · 26/06/2010 20:13

Unbelievable! If these people can't afford to get married, have a registery office doo instead!

I got married in a registery office because money was VERY tight(we had no money but we loved each other) and I invited ALL of my family even though I don't like/or get on with a fair few of them. I did this so my day would be harmonious for EVERYONE.

My mum was so proud of me because she is very close to her annoying family and I look back on that day and know I did the right thing.

For goodness sake it's supposed to be a happy occasion and it's only one day.

YADNBU. I think you should both go to the evening doo only and you show your DH these post too!!

Limara · 26/06/2010 20:17

It's a WEIRD totally rude thing to do.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 26/06/2010 20:23

We did this at our wedding for partners (ie, boyfriends/girlfriends, not long-term partners). We were having a small, family wedding, which still meant 40 people, followed by a huge ceilidh in the evening, to which everyone else was invited. We simply didn't have the inclination or money to invite the various girlfriends of my cousins who were in their late teens and early twenties, but it wouldn't have occurred to us to invite only one half of a long-term partnership or married couple - how bizarre, and rude.

I'm gobsmacked that anyone would think it appropriate.

pippinlippin · 26/06/2010 20:41

I cannot believe that some people think it's acceptable to invite one half of a couple to a wedding!

It's so rude.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/06/2010 21:28

I felt rude at my wedding for not being able to give 'plus one' invites to the singletons - I'd never heard of not inviting both halves of a couple before reading this thread .

Anyway, have just run it past MrWYLI (who is considerably more tactful than myself) in a WWYD way - he said depending on circumstances/background, he would either accept evening only for both of us, or decline altogether.

I agree completely with pranma - I think you should both go to evening do only ... Dh can tell his friend that he will understand why once he has been married for a while

NestaFiesta · 26/06/2010 22:23

Its very rude. I don't understand people who think its not strange. We had several people at our wedding that one of us didn't know very well but were partners/spouses of guests.

If I were you OP, I'd either say neither you nor DH can go, or both go to the evening only and say you couldn't go separately. Do they expect you to wait in the car or a hotel bedroom until you are allowed in?

In my opinion, people can't even use the excuse that they may know the wife better or the husband better, you invite both and that's that.

sayithowitis · 26/06/2010 22:39

I find it ironic that some people find it acceptable that only one of a married couple should be invited to the wedding ie: legal making of, a married couple!

As far as manners are concerned, this bride and groom clearly have none so personally, I would decline both invites. I would not want to spend any part of my precious weekend with such ill mannered people.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 28/06/2010 10:24

Well, as a person in my own right I wouldn't expect ds and I to be invited to the wedding of someone DP knew well or worked with, but I didn't. If I was, then Hurrah but if the couple had a choice between inviting all and sundry (which is what the partner of a guest is if you don't know them) or inviting the people they actually want to share their day with, I wouldn't be having a hissy fit about it.

A bit of understanding wouldn't go amiss, imo.

barbigirl · 28/06/2010 14:48

YANBU. I think it's so rude that, surely it must be a mistake? You cannot celebrate a marriage by splitting up married couples, surely? Isn't that like saying 'no children' at a christening? Genuinely amazed other people think it's okay. But then my wedding photos are full of random punters who were the then beloved of some work colleague.

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