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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable ?

40 replies

Snowsquonk · 24/06/2010 14:39

Earlier in the week my year 6 child brought home a letter saying the children could be collected from school early on Wednesday so they could watch the football. Child was upset because school have used World Cup as a theme and she's bored with it. I suggested she could talk to her head teacher about how she feels but she said she couldn't and wrote a letter instead. It's not a rude letter - it's her opinion that there's been too much emphasis on football and instead of sending children home early the school could have invited children to stay and watch it after school.

head has gone totally mad, accused me of allowing my child to write a spiteful and derogatory letter and wants to punish her as she feels it's as bad as a child who hits a teacher.

Child is very good at literacy and thought this would show head teacher how she can write a persuasive text (something they've been taught!)

I don't know - was I unreasonable in letting her take her letter in ?

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 24/06/2010 14:42

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, I really can't understand all this letting schools finish early because of an effing football match.

booyhoo · 24/06/2010 14:45

i think you dd sound swonderful that she is confident enough and capable of writing a letter expressing her feelings on a topic that she is being made to take an interest in. it isn't curriculum so she has every right to tell the teacher she isn't happy about it.

head sounds as mad as a box of frogs. good luck. keep a copy of the letter incase it all kicks off. do not let your dd be punished.

BessieBoots · 24/06/2010 14:45

YANBU. Head is.

staranise · 24/06/2010 14:46

Your Head wants to punish your child for having an opinion? And considers it equivalent to assault?! I think she's lost the plot!

YAsoNBU

Cretaceous · 24/06/2010 14:46

Can't imagine what your DD could have written to have it described as "spiteful and derogatory"! I would say that a lot of people have complained, and the head is now taking out all her pent-up fury on you and your DD. Hopefully, she'll apologise tomorrow. What punishment does she suggest .

GypsyMoth · 24/06/2010 14:49

can you post what the letter says word for word please?

TheFruitWhisperer · 24/06/2010 14:50

I was actually annoyed about schools finishing early for the football, and DP (teacher) said they do it so they kids dont truant to watch it, as their truancy record is taken into account when budgets are dished out.

Watching it at school sounds a wonderful compromise, neither your DD nor you were unreasonable.

Original poster
Snowsquonk · 24/06/2010 14:50

First she said she would remove her head girl badge and status, then back-tracked to wanting a written letter of apology. Having spoken to my husband, she is now saying she will speak to DD and discuss with her how to write a letter without causing offense. But there is no offense there unless you count the opinion that DD states that the head teacher made an error in allowing children to leave early for a televised footy match that wasnt even the final, and for saying that some children are not England supporters as they are from overseas and that's a bit unfair!

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowsquonk · 24/06/2010 14:52

threeblondboys - would rather not as would potentially identify DD or myself. There is no bad language, no name calling - just that she's sad about the situation and thinks the head could have made a different choice.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 24/06/2010 14:54

tbh i wouldn't be happy with the head 'teaching' her how to write a letter without causing offence. 1) the letter was not offensive. 2) the teacher clearly has a very strange idea of what offensive is 3) she now has a personal issue with your DD so i wouldn't want her having an excuse to get back at your DD or to belittle her capabilities.

gorionine · 24/06/2010 14:54

I really do not think you are BU but for the sake of argument (and because I am really nosey) is there a way to post her letter so we can judge better?

babywalks · 24/06/2010 14:58

YADNBU - she shouldn't be forced into liking football. I think you should go above the head teachers head (not sure who that would be) but its crazy that your DD is going to be punished for this. She is entitled to her opinion and shouldn't be FORCED to leave school early for something she has no interest in.

staranise · 24/06/2010 15:00

And your DD is Head girl? So presumably has an exemplary track record? Your head sounds like the heat is getting to her!

withorwithoutyou · 24/06/2010 15:04

I agree completely with your DD!

cocobongo · 24/06/2010 16:22

While it sounds like the reaction from the head teacher was over the top, I do think it seems very precocious of your daughter to write the letter in the first place.

Plumm · 24/06/2010 16:28

So you don't think the OP's daughter is entitled to express an opinion, cocobongo ?

Kaloki · 24/06/2010 16:28

YADNBU, what a bizarre reaction!

lazarusb · 24/06/2010 17:19

I think your Head is setting an incredibly bad example. Your daughter isn't, she sounds by far the most mature of the two of them and I think she should be congratulated on being able to express herself in a clear and appropriate way. No wonder she felt she couldn't talk to the woman. Support her all the way on this.
I am a school governor btw and would welcome such a mature response from a pupil

swallowedAfly · 24/06/2010 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sal321 · 24/06/2010 17:41

I did something similar as a child - I organised a petition. My mum was called in to see the head who showed her the petition and asked her what she was going to do about it. My mum knew all about it and said "yes, we're very proud of her organising this on her own and typing it up to look so formal". Apparently the head was seething - she was more used to dealing with children who comply when under pressure. Obviously the head couldn't do anything else as she wasn't going to win. I left the school the next year (it was a 5-18 school and I moved to a different secondary) partly due to the pathetic wetness of the school in taking criticism.

Without seeing the exact phrasing of the letter I don't want to say that the letter is not offensive, but I think you may have one of those teachers who is so ingrained in the role that they can't take unexpected behaviour (e.g. mature behaviour from a child) without being threatened. I would suggest you go to see the head or engage with the governing body.

NestaFiesta · 24/06/2010 17:45

I agree with Lazarush. Also perhaps the Governers and the Local Education Authority should be the people to complain to. It is a good life skill to be able to write a constructive letter of complaint and the head should have dealt with it constructively not punitively. YANBU and well done to your DD.

silverfrog · 24/06/2010 17:52

if the letter is notrude (and you say it isn't) then the teacher is being ridiculous.

if the child had tried ot speak up verbally, no doubt she would ahve ben dismissed for "whining" too.

I think it is brilliant that she has written to register her pov. what else could she do?

it'snot as if she is expectign compensation or anything (she isn't is she ) - but if people don't speak up about things that don't seem right, then they will never be heard, will they?

silverfrog · 24/06/2010 17:54

you could always organise a meeting with the head and ask her what she would have rather your dd did?

presumably her answer will be along th elines of "be quiet and accept" - which is the perfect opener for you to talk about organising skills, dd practicing constructive argument, using her knowledge in RL situations, etc, and then ask what is wring with that?

Original poster
Snowsquonk · 24/06/2010 18:21

Interesting that one person sees it as precocious - that is one of the things the head teacher is cross about.
My husband has been in to see her - sent him in, and can't really approach governors because...ahem...I am one. She has also spoken to DD and explained that the written word can be misinterpreted (er, like you have ?!) and that she doesn't need to apologise for writing a letter but the head was very hurt and upset by it. Hopefully that will be an end to it - off tonight to meet her form tutor when she starts at secondary in September!

OP posts:
RunawayWife · 24/06/2010 18:37

I think you need to take this up with the governors