to think that its a bit much to let a 7 year old change a wet bed at night

[extension]

My dd is currently under the enurisis clinic for bedwetting. She is 7. We are following all the advice and instructions but, one of the things the doctor wants her to do is strip and change the wet bed at night and record the time, without help from me.

Now, I would almost certainly hear her fumbling around trying to do this and it breaks my heart to think that I could leave her struggling with all this. Also, she cant tell the time so she wouldnt be able to record it anyway.

I told the doctor that I didnt feel comfortable doing this but she just said that she was advising me what to do and thinks I should follow the advice.

"If for example she wakes upset, needs help changing and wants to be reassured and tucked back into bed, it would be cruel and a unnecessary 'punishment'. However on the other hand, if dd wakes after wetting without being overly bothered or upset and is capable of whipping off a wet sheet I'd say its not unreasonable."

yes, I agree with this, and in the second scenario on the understanding that if she does need help, that's fine.

Don't do it. Very harsh method. It might work but what is it teaching her about empathy and caring for others.

I'm certainly not one to over fuss with children and pamper their every whim, but this is not right. Go with your instincts.

Can I just say that this is the correct advice!
I know a child personally who has been regularly to the enuresis clinic, and the advice is thus:
Increase day time fluids.
No fizzy drinks.
No 'dark' red/brown..so no ribena, vimto, coke etc.
If child wets, must change sheets. Its not about punishment!Makes child realise 'oh, wet bed, must change it' rather than 'oh wet bed, never mind' which means the actual wet bed enters the consciousness, which long term makes the connection between weeing and waking up.

Ruby, ah I see the thinking behind it now, cheers.

There is enough shame atatched to it. Reassure, keep calm (even if you want to scream at the millionth set of covers you have to wash). Then talk to her about it (on her own) in a 'put your heads together, to solve a problem' way. She won't be able to stop through pure will, but will teach her about problem solving and that you can gently talk about it without the shame.

after a few attempts at each method have the "that doesn't seem to be working what shall we try next" talk. Then when she has a dry night, lay on the praise (not with others around to listen) and have a good amount of mother/daughter time.

I meant talk to her next day.

Don't think they need to actually change the bed. They can help (move the bundle sheets etc) but don't think making them change it by themselves is teaching the right message.

I don't think that some of you have read the whole thread. I thought it was like something out of a Victorian orphange to start with, but if you read it all it has a good reason behind it. It is nothing to do with 'teaching the right message'-it is simply a way to make it easier for a DC who doesn't want to wake everyone up and make a huge fuss.
It is easy to give them the choice with no pressure. Have dry bedclothes handy and say that they can either sort it out themselves or wake you-you don't mind.

A 7 year old who is still tied to a parent or dependent on a parent for aspects of self-care, especially in the area of toileting, is stuck in an earlier phase of development. If a child is capable of wiping his or her own bottom after a poo, would you keep on doing it for them? Personal privacy in the area of elimination, and competence in dealing with the consequences are important milestones.

A child of 7 should be able to change out of his or her own wet swimsuit into dry clothes, ditto wet sleepwear. If you have some receptacle handy in the bedroom to put the wet bedding and pyjamas, and some easy-to-install dry bedding, you allow the child to develop competence and independence at an age when that becomes important. Children whose parents do things for them that they suspect they could be doing for themselves beyond age 7 do not develop confidence in themselves, and on top of the fact that the problem they're dealing with is enuresis, there's a likelihood of compounding the confidence issue.

mathan that a is very well constructed post

I likey your thinking

I am a little surprised that you think making a bed and telling the time is too much for a 7 yr old tbh. I think manthanxiety's view is spot on.

I also think that mathsanxiety has an excellent post.

Sorry, not read the other replies so sorry if I'm repeating...(I know thats rude)...

Could it be the Dr thinks your DD's bed wetting is associated with getting 1 on 1 attention from you - changing the bed is one on 1 time...so changing it herself would break that cycle of getting "mummy to herself" in the middle of the night...

And the recording the time is so you KNOW she has done it, but not actually to know at the time and give attention as a reward at the time...

well I think there are plenty of kinder ways to help ones child develop confidence. I would not have my seven year old changing his wet bed half asleep in the middle of the night; not because he can't but because it would be kinder to help him

Sorry, I've just skimmed and see that the attentionseeking idea has been done and isn;t the case..sorry..

People do keep joining this thread when they haven't read it all and they are entirely missing the point! It isn't anything to do with that zookeeper.

it's not obligatory to read the whole thread; I answered the OP

If one doesn't read the whole thread before wading in then one runs the risk of looking like a tit

I've done it, too, Zoo

I answered the OP too and originally said that it was horrible. When I read further I saw that I had missed the entire point and it wasn't horrible and it isn't done for the reason or in the way that I first supposed-which is the way that I imagine you suppose zookeeper.

whether one looks like a tit is the least of this one's worries

Zoo

I joined in a step parenting thread the other day-after having read just the OP and had to apologise and withdraw. Things move on. Often half the information is missing in the OP-once you get it -the whole thing is completely altered.

ok Pisces. Point taken

We all do it-they just get too long!