to think that its a bit much to let a 7 year old change a wet bed at night

[extension]

My dd is currently under the enurisis clinic for bedwetting. She is 7. We are following all the advice and instructions but, one of the things the doctor wants her to do is strip and change the wet bed at night and record the time, without help from me.

Now, I would almost certainly hear her fumbling around trying to do this and it breaks my heart to think that I could leave her struggling with all this. Also, she cant tell the time so she wouldnt be able to record it anyway.

I told the doctor that I didnt feel comfortable doing this but she just said that she was advising me what to do and thinks I should follow the advice.

We have the bed mat under the main sheet, then another bed mat with a small sheet over the top.

If DD wakes up with a wet bed she just chucks the wet top sheet and bed mat on the floor, puts her wet PJ bottoms on top, puts on clean PJ bottoms and goes back to sleep.

That's far less of a humiliation than having to wake us up to tell us, or to have to change the whole bed, especially with the batallion of cuddly toys on it.

I mentioned this to my husband who went to a boarding school from the age of 6 (and did NOT enjoy it!)

He said that if you wet your bed in the night you had to take your sheets to the laundry room in front of everyone else.

This was in the 70's.

He said he found it so embarrasing to have to do that and made sure the next night that he lay awake as much as possibe so he wouldn't wet again that night.

So, i guess it worked in that it made him very aware of what he was doing at night but I still think it's cruel.

Still it worked for him (he's only wet the bed once since I met him and that was when he was very drunk )

my dd is now, suddenly dry at night at age 8.

she couldn't help bieng wet at night, and i would neverhave asked her to do her own bed, when she wasn't even aware that she'd wet the bed.

however, i found the most amazing bed pads, that she lies on. they are for incontinence, and are plastic backed. You just throw the in the machine and pop a new one on. i got them off ebay. wil have look.

similar to this

bed pads

and to these. mine are smaller so tend to move but are really great.

[[http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Two-Washable-Bed-Pads-ideal-toilet-training-/380229328774?cmd=View Item&pt=UKHealthBeautyMobilityDisabilityMedicalET&hash=item58876f1f86 these aswell]

here i mean

Have you tried an alarm. Google the dri sleeper alarm. We trained my daughter using this when she was 4. She was desperate to be out of nappies. It's easy to use. We had to listen out for it at first as she'd sleep through the alarm but she quickly got used to it and it worked within 3 weeks.

I have had this 'advice' too....I ignore it. Ds changes himslef - throws his clothes in the bath and I deal with the bed....I don't want weeing to become more of an issue than it already is IYSWIM and 'punishing' or embarrassing will do just that....
The sticker chart was also suggested to me and I was - this isn't something he has any conrol over......

I don't think it's unreasonable for the DD to change her own bed, for the reasons mentioned by a few posters earlier -- confidence that she can deal with it, etc.

The method I used to toilet train my DCs (Azrin and Foxx) recommended making them responsible for all clean-up of accidents (supervised by me) including bed wetting. I used to place several thicknesses of thick towels in their beds (age 2-3) and if the bed was wet enough to wake them they just had to get up and remove their pyjamas and the towels and plop them into a laundry basket, then pull up a fresh pj bottoms and top and go back to bed. I also left a potty beside their bed while training and for a bit afterwards, and a night light.

None of my DCs had a problem with wetting the bed beyond the initial toilet training, so my experience might not apply to someone older, but I don't think it necessarily needs to be seen in the light of punishment, just 'owning' the process, experiencing a bit of privacy wrt toileting -- positives when you get to the point of not wearing nappies any more really.

I don't think the doctor here wants the bed remade perfectly, with sheets and everything up to hotel standard, just maybe the wet bedding removed and something dry put on the bed, maybe even a sleeping bag rolled out, instead. Maybe the doctor suspects there's more to the dynamic here than simply hormones? It's always worth asking for a reason for any doctor's advice.

I really don't think it is cruel or punitive - I suppose it depends how you approach it. If you say "Right, next time you wet the bed YOU deal with it" then maybe. If you say "I'm going to put some bed things here just in case, then if you need them they're there" then it is giving them some responsibility.

7 isn't totally helpless you know - my 6 year old dd is incredibly capable, she sorts herself out if she wets the bed (which isn't very often), not because we've told her to, but because she can, she chooses to. Equally, if she has a nosebleed in the night she will sort herself out, and she also makes breakfast for everyone in the morning if she is up first (including porridge!). I haven't 'told' her to do these things, or even suggested that she does, it's just the way she is.

I think it is horrible and I wouldn't do it. They are half asleep anyway.

www.eric.org.uk/Parents/Leaflets/tabid/126/Default.aspx This is a good place for sensible advice.

My first reaction is thats awful. But I would ask the Dr what his reasoning is. I can only think that he thinks this is a way of gaining attention and if you remove that attention the behaviour would change.

Rubbish!
Its letting the child take charge of the situation and to stop embarassment around having to wake up parents in the middle of the night and also discourages attention seeking.If you have 2 layers separated by a waterproof sheet, whipping off teh top layer is nothing of a job -probably easier than going to wake up a parent.

how can something the child has no control over ever be attention-seeking?

Thank you for all your responses, have read them all.

I do sort the bed out at the moment and after reading the responses here I think that I will stick with my instinct and continue to do this, but she knows that her job is to remove her pj's and knickers and get clean ones from her drawer and put them on.

The doctor seems to think she has a small bladder capacity and we are trying to stretch it by increasing fluids. We are measuring fluid input & output each day.

The only thing I would disagree with in some of your comments would be the ones who have mentioned attention seeking. I dont feel for one moment that my dd is doing this for attention, I can see the disappointment on her face when she has wet the bed, she really really wants to by dry.

Piratecat - will have a look at those bedmats now. I have some incontinence mats from the hospital (which a relative of mine sneaks out of her ward for me - she is a nurse). But, I cant keep asking her to get them.

I agree it isn't attention seeking. How unpleasant is it to have wet clothes on?

My dd had 11 dry nights and was so upset each night afterwards when she was wet again. One day she just got it. no warning One night wet, the next dry completely.

Fab - thanks, I do hope that happens to my dd. I really dont mind getting up in the night, it only takes a few minutes and I just feel so sorry for her. Its not ideal but Ive never made her feel bad for it.

I'm concerned for her that she really wants to do it but cant.

When DD3 used to wet the bed and was under the enuresis clinic at 12 years ols. Even at this age we were told to leave her sheets in her room for her to change her bed if she wanted tobut she was to call one of us if she needed help, Alxs there was never any mebtion of recoeding the time it took to do it.

Children who wet the bed do not do it to get attention they really cannot help it and their is even quite alot of teenagers who wet the bed,

MY DD was 7y before she was reliably dry every night. No way could I have left her to change the bed herself in the night. She wasn't doing it deliberately or to get attention; it was beyond her control. I simply could not have lay in bed, hearing her and not help her - would go against all my parenting instincts.

If this is about the doctor wanting to save the child embarrassment by dealing with it themselves, how about the doctor letting the child decide whether they are embarrassed by waking a parent up or not? Instead of dictating to the parent that this is how the child must be feeling?

What awful advice. My ds wet the bed on occasions until he was about 10!!! I did not make him change his own bed

Cory I agree. The thing is, my dd is probably embarrassed about wetting the bed but, I dont think she would be any less embarrassed if she changed the sheets herself.