Lift etiquette

[ChiefBrackenStomper]

We live in the middle of nowhere and there aren't many kids in the local area meaning that for the last couple of months one day a week after school, my son has been going back to his friends house. His friend lives a 5 minute WALK from the school but I live a 30 minute DRIVE. He would usually be dropped off on a school run.

The thing is she expects me every week to pick up my boy from her place and won't offer to drop him back. I don't mind doing it every other week or maybe meeting her half way but she refuses. I have offered her son to mine but she plays the nervous driver card which I kind of understand as the roads are single track but then they are single track everywhere i.e. she drives to work everyday along a single track road, gets her shopping from along a single track road etc yet refuses to drive along the single track going to my house

I don't really want to get into the habit of doing all the driving especially considering that it would take an hour in total but am obviously happy to do my share.

Am I being unreasonable in asking her to meet me half way? I understand that in exchange she has my son for a couple of hours after school while they play together but then again she won't take me up on my offer to have her son because she doesn't want to pick him up. And it is just for playtime not as if she's doing me a favour while I'm at work or anything. Like I said, he would have been dropped off on a school run to my door.

In a nutshell, what is proper lift etiquette?

Ta for any input

huh? I don't get it. YOU live far away but you want SOMEONE ELSE to bring your kid home?

One day a week, your Ds's friend's mum has been providing free childcare, and you expect her totake him to your home too?

checks forum

You are, I'm sorry, being utterly, utterly U.

Um. If he is at a friend's house after school then I would say it is up to you to pick him up.

wow

Christ on a bike. I am so positive you are being unreasonable I have a vein popping out of my forehead. Are you, perchance, my SIL? She would think this shiz is reasonable.

You aren't serious are you?

I'm confused. She's the one looking after your son - why should you expect a free lift as well? Maybe it is a bit one-sided if she won't let her son come to yours, but as it stands you are getting free childcare out of it at least.

Wouldn't you drive that distance to collect him if he wasn't going to his friend's house? It's not further for you than if you picked him up from school. Is it the timing of the drive that's inconvenient; i.e., you're having to drive an hour's round trip at dinnertime?

This has to be one of the most unreasonable YABU ever.

what is most YABU is that you choose to live somewhere stupid so basically your kids get no life.

Move and get your kids somewhere that they have a chance to be normal, not stck out in some hill-billy part of the country where you probably dont even have Broadband

I too can't see any reason why the friend should drop your DS home to you. If your child goes to tea with someone else then normally you would expect to pick them up yourself.
However, what is strange is that she won't let her son come to play at your house as she doesn't want to collect him.
So sorry but as far as lift etiquette is concerned you are responsible to pick your own son up.

Oh! I see, normally he'd be dropped off on a school run, so you only have to drive (and an hour's round trip is a lot) because he's going back to a friend's. So his social life is costing you an hour's driving. I didn't understand that the first time round.

TBH, the main gripe here is that you're willing to look after his friend for the afternoon but the Mum won't drive to yours to drop the friend off, I'm guessing. That is a bit annoying.

But no, you can't expect her to drive him home. She really is doing you a favour by having him over, or at least she probably sees it that way; I've seen several threads on here from mums who hate their children having friends over and see it as a massive chore, so if she sees it that way she's probably thinking, FFS it's not enough that I'm already dealing with two boys running rampant and eating all the food twice a week, now I've got to drive one home too?

YABU.
'And it is just for playtime not as if she's doing me a favour while I'm at work or anything.'
Err, that's exactly what she's doing. Are you sure your son isn't making a nuissance of himself by being htere so often? Have you actually asked if she minds? And does your son ask before he goes there? Tbh it sounds as if there's more to this than the lifts. MAybe she is hoping that it will get too much for you and he will stop coming round.
And I completely reiterate that if you didn't anticipate this, you should have. I grew up as a teenager in the middle of nowhere and it sucked. But my parents refused to be my taxi and as a result I never went anywhere or did anything. My teenage years were completely wasted.

I always thought basic playdate etiquette was that if you're kind enough to host you're not expected to drive the guests home too, the other parents come and collect. (especially if it's a 30 min drive)

Seriously? U pick up your own child, why would u think the other mum should bring him home, how odd!

Yabvvvvvvu

Erm yes YABVA, its your son you pick him up. The woman has looked after him, kept him entertained and probably fed him and then you want her to drop him off to you, are you serious?

Oh, this is disappointing. I thought 'lift etiquette' was going to be about holding the door open or not making eye-contact (or even what to do when the other person drops a stinky!)
YABU for starting such a boring thread.

Fembear that's what I thought too, perhaps you should start a thread!

I know fembear! I was going to say what Dara O'Briain says, that you should walk into a lift and stay facing the wall (and other people), don't turn round to face the doors. Apparently it freaks the shit out of them! Wish I was bold enough to do it

Pretty much what everyone else has said. YABU.

If she doesn't want her son to come to yours because she's worried about driving there then that's her perogative but if your son is going to hers and she is providing him with entertainment after school YOU should pick him up. She is doing you a favour. If she didn't have him after school then you would have to pick your DS up from school anyway so I don't see what difference it makes to you really!

I think the ettiquette is that you do whatever the person hosting the child wants you to do.

So if she's happy to bring him back, great. If she wants you to fetch him, tough, fetch him!

If you want to cut down your trips, cut down the frequency of the visits.

And are you sure she's ok with every single week? Do you keep checking that it's ok or do you just assume oh, it's whatever day, the day that ds goes to Xs.

And if she doesn't want her child to come to your place because she'd have to fetch him, why not offer to take him with your son and bring him home.

I do that (on the rare occassions my kids have a schoolfriend over).

I think if this woman has your son to play week in, week out then it would be a nice thing to do.

I would be very concerned, in your shoes, that she hadn't started to feel like unpaid childcare and you were taking the piss.

Well incase you haven't got the message yet yes yabu.

She might not be doing a favour in your eyes but she's not responsible for taking your son home.

I think that if your child is at soeones house it is up to you to collect.. However, op I think friends mum is being a pain by not allowing friend to your house. School holidays are coming up so maybe wait for her to organise a meeting with the boys or suggest outings that you both need to drive to... maybe just have a quiet word and explain your frustration. YANBU

Fembear, I thought the same!