Lift etiquette

[ChiefBrackenStomper]

We live in the middle of nowhere and there aren't many kids in the local area meaning that for the last couple of months one day a week after school, my son has been going back to his friends house. His friend lives a 5 minute WALK from the school but I live a 30 minute DRIVE. He would usually be dropped off on a school run.

The thing is she expects me every week to pick up my boy from her place and won't offer to drop him back. I don't mind doing it every other week or maybe meeting her half way but she refuses. I have offered her son to mine but she plays the nervous driver card which I kind of understand as the roads are single track but then they are single track everywhere i.e. she drives to work everyday along a single track road, gets her shopping from along a single track road etc yet refuses to drive along the single track going to my house

I don't really want to get into the habit of doing all the driving especially considering that it would take an hour in total but am obviously happy to do my share.

Am I being unreasonable in asking her to meet me half way? I understand that in exchange she has my son for a couple of hours after school while they play together but then again she won't take me up on my offer to have her son because she doesn't want to pick him up. And it is just for playtime not as if she's doing me a favour while I'm at work or anything. Like I said, he would have been dropped off on a school run to my door.

In a nutshell, what is proper lift etiquette?

Ta for any input

You should host a few playdates at yours and drive the child home to his house afterwards. After doing this a few times that is the time to suggest that you take it in turns to host and meet half way afterwards.

I have never been so sure on mn, as i am rightt now, that op is being unreasonable. 100% sure, without a shadow of doubt yabu

Agree with others that if you choose to live in arural area you effectively choose to spend lots of time driving and if you are not prepared to then yourkids will pay the price.

I think this may be a first - and possible only on MN that we ALL agree you are being U!!

Where you choose to live is entirely up to you, but your child needs others to play with and you need to pick him up afterwards.

OH! Am I the only one who thought that this was going to be about waiting for others to exit before barging your way into a lift etc?

YANBU

yabu when my girls where little I was the one that picked them up from friends and their friends mums did the same
Jax I did too.

OP YABVU, alhough possibly not as unreasonable as all the posters who are country-dweller bashing. Ignorant townies.

I do wish people would actually read the OP before having their little rants. Its tedious to read them.
Also the poster who seems to believe that living in the countryside is equivalent to locking your children in the basement...knobbish post or what?

That said, still yabu, op, but understandable.

You are having a larf, right OP?

isn't the point the OP is making is that she would happily have the other boy over for a playdate but the mum won't agree and so it always ends up with her DS going to the other boys house so she is always having to do the hour round trip to pick him up.

i would say YABU to expect another parent to bring your child home after a playdate but i can see that it is annoying that she won't let her son come to play at your house so you only had to do this say every other week.

maybe say it is a bit much for you to have to do the journey every week and can you do it every other week unless she would like her son to come to you on the in between weeks....although would feel a bit bad for your DS missing out on his playdates if she still didn't want to do this.

What tortoiseonahalfshell said ages ago

I agree with whoneedssleepanyway.

Unfortunately the etiquette is that you do the picking up, but she is being U not to let her DS come to yours.

I'd suggest you take it a week about with the playdates and if she still won't agree to picking her DS up from you, then perhaps just do the playdate at hers every other week.

It is a bit of a shame for your DS to miss out though, and I do agree with other posters that it will get worse as he gets older with you living so far out.

I recall my Mum telling me about friends of hers who lived in the middle of nowhere and once their kids got to high school age had to decide whether to stay put and be a taxi service to their kids, or move.
They chose to stay and accept all the driving that went with it and I expect you'll have to do the same.

What muggles said as well.

She is def being unreasonable refusing to let her son come to you as she doens't want to do the drive. And I can understand that you are naffed off that straight home from school = no driving and going to see friend = 1 hour driving and it is always you who has to do it.

But when your DS is at hers, you can't suggest that she drives or meets you halfway.

Tell her it is too much and he needs to come to yours every other week, and if the answer's no, drop the playdates to every other week, I guess.

it's a bit crappy for you actually.

YABU

I went to school a long way from where I lived (not in the countryside) and I was clearly told by my parents that this was their choice and therefore I would always be given a lift when I wanted/needed one to see friends. It is not your DS decision to live where you do so it is reasonable not to penalise him or his friends parents for your choice.

Are you the other mother by any chance OP, doing one of those switched round AIBU's?

I had been wondering that too, Pootles.

yabu!!!! I agree dont move and live in the middle of bloody nowhere then moan about it. dont like it? move to a small villiage

why on earth should she hyave to drive to you? I just cant see any reason why?

Wow OK I wasn't expecting that response.
Firstly, like I said he's on a school run so I wouldn't usually have to do the trip.
The crux is if the situation was reversed, like if he was to come back to mine on the school run then I would totally offer to drop him back half way because I would feel like it's asking too much for her to drive all the way. Does that make me a sucker then?
I keep inviting her son over, every week. Yet every week she refuses on the grounds that she doesn't fancy picking him up. And I'm like, yeah it's a long trip. So why don't we get into the habit of meeting halfway and I'll have yours every other week. Therefore the amount of driving is the same and the amount of having one another's kids is the same.
I don't understand the mums who say it's a favour because and the reason I asked in the first place is that I find her situation i.e. having the boys over much easier than the lifting. They're not a problem. They don't tear up the house. They keep each other entertained we have both agreed that having two of them is easier than having just one of them for this reason.

The only time he has been to mine for a whole day on the weekend, when I picked him up AND dropped him off. And she was very happy for that and not once offered even a half way deal. The diesel cost quite a lot and yes I was in the car for over two hours that day but like I said to Mums who didn't read my OP, I am happy to do my share of the driving just not all of it.

Very sad and confused with some of the comments. Would be stating the obvious that one of reasons behind the move is that I find people hard, hence me getting advice on here. I grew up in a town surrounded by kids my age but hated it and craved a country life. Heavily pregnant and hormonal

YABU to expect her to drive your child home.

But she IBU to refuse to let her son play at yours because it is too far.

Where on earth do you like that both you and she (and the school and shops) are all on single track roads?

Actually I don't think YABU at all. If other posters had actually read your OP properly they would see that your son is dropped off on a school run normally so you don't have to do the driving. TBH if it was me it would piss me off and I would probably limit the time your son goes there to once a month or so. Stating that you can't possibly afford the diesel costs every week.