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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that DD was alone when I came home??

606 replies

ApocalypseCheese · 23/06/2010 17:31

DD has asd and a statement which covers her from the moment she leaves home to the moment she gets home. IE she is never unsupervised for her own safety.

Got home from shopping earlier and the poor thing was sat on the sofa panicing, one phonecall to the school reveals there were hardly any kids on the transport bus so dd was home quite a lot earlier than usual.
The front door wasnt locked as i've lost my front door key, dp had left for work earlier and left it open for me/the builders.

Not good enough, these people are trusted to care for my child when i'm not there, heads will roll in the morning

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 23/06/2010 19:14

Ok
let me get this right

the escort usually gets off the bus with op's dd and hands her over on the doorstep?
If so yabu

if, however, the escort usually allows dd to get off the bus and go in the door on her own yabu
because in that scenario you should have known that could happen if your dd was 10 minutes early and you left the door unlocked.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 23/06/2010 19:14

Ok
let me get this right

the escort usually gets off the bus with op's dd and hands her over on the doorstep?
If so yanbu.

if, however, the escort usually allows dd to get off the bus and go in the door on her own yabu
because in that scenario you should have known that could happen if your dd was 10 minutes early and you left the door unlocked.

edam · 23/06/2010 19:16

Funny how a Tory is so quick to assume the parent of an SN child gets a service for free and therefore has to put up with their child being dumped rather than handed over from one adult to another, as the service guarantees.

Whether or not it's free, clearly the service should keep children safe. But in fact the OP pays for transport. Surely even a rabid Tory would expect an organisation you pay to deliver the specified service?

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 23/06/2010 19:17

Aaagh

in first scenario, where escort gets off bus with dd yanbu

bloody phone

PixieOnaLeaf · 23/06/2010 19:18

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saltyseadog · 23/06/2010 19:20

YANBU - we use SN school transport and I'd be incandescently cross if dd was just parked up on the door step for me to find.

Tombliboob · 23/06/2010 19:22

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Alouiseg · 23/06/2010 19:23

The point is being missed. It is a handover service and op should have been there to meet the bus.

The op is at fault, knows she is and is making excuses.

The bus was at the school to meet the child, the parent was not there to meet the child at the other end.

Bitch/Tory. .......... Tory Bitch..........yawn.

MavisEnderby · 23/06/2010 19:24

yanbu.

I have a statemented sn child and dread to think what would happen if she were left alone in an unlocked house (she has recently learned she can get in/out of front/back door if unlocked so my doors are locked at all times)have they got a mobile contact for you?

i have to say transport people in my LA often volunteers and usually totally fab .There is no way they would leave dd alone.i am as to how thewy could do this without contacting you/the school.

wrt "You should have got back earlier" by some posters.well I guess the op wasn't expecting her dd to be dropped off earlier than usual. I would like said posters to help me with the issue I have in September when dd start school full time.I pick ds (nt) up at 15.30.dd transport leaves at 15.45 and its a 5 min journey back for her,time taken to get ds back from school-home 20 minutes..so i'll be cutting it fine.Now I'm widowed I can't rely on my OH to help with anything like this.

toccatanfudge · 23/06/2010 19:27

and what exactly was YOUR point Alouiseg when you were going on about sense of entitlement and being grateful for the service???

Tombliboob · 23/06/2010 19:28

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giveitago · 23/06/2010 19:28

Let's just get off the politics and entitlement.

The OP had an almighty shock today - I'm in London and I cannot IMAGINE leaving a door unlocked - to me it seems that adults involved are a bit complacent with the service given/received.

But a little child was scared scared scared. So lots of lessons to be had here both from the point of view of parents and the unlocked door (and assumptions) and the service provided (making assumptions).

The little girl in question is OK and doing good now so hopefully the adults involved will be more mindful of the risks in future.

If the OP's little girl gets a dedicated bus to school - well good on her is what I say.

OP should post where she likes.

vintage · 23/06/2010 19:29

i am an escort and i take my ds to school (asd) but i am covered for all children and have escorted sn in the past and i can assure you i would NEVER leave a child unattended. IF THE BUS OR TAXI WAS EARLIER I WOULD GO TO THE DOOR WITH THE CHILD AND WAIT FOR AN ADULT TO COME if no adult came out to meet the bus etc i WOULD THEN TRY THE DOOR IF DOOR wAS UNLOCKED I WOULD WAIT UNTIL I SEE OR HEAR AN ADULTS VOICE IF IN LOO FOR EXAMPLE BEFORE I LEFT THE CHILD OH SORRY CAPS YANBU but just a wee niggle you dont give youself much leeway if only 10 minute time frame

Goblinchild · 23/06/2010 19:32

Thank you for the translation service vicar, that's exactly what I meant.

Pinkcandyfloss · 23/06/2010 19:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

comewhinewithme · 23/06/2010 19:42

alouiseg Well done you are the first person on MN to make me think "What an utter fuckwit".

You really think AC should think herself lucky that her child gets "a bespoke door to door service!" I am sure she is over the moon.

shockers · 23/06/2010 19:42

Even if the OP's door was open, the escort should have made sure someone was aware that the child had got off the bus.
The OP was 10 minutes early for her DD's regular drop off time. Even if she had been late, the escort is responsible for the child until s/he sees that someone is home.

I don't pay for my daughter's transport but I would still insist that DD was getting a safe service.

I would give anything to see her walking down the street from our local school, chatting with friends rather than being bussed 5 miles to school with an escort (who is fab but that's not the point).

MillyR · 23/06/2010 19:55

My DD does not have SN, but the agreement which you have to sign up to with the school bus service is that your child will not be let off the bus unless a named adult is there to collect them at the designated drop off time. If the adult is not there, the child stays on the bus and the bus travels on. They phone the parent and if they cannot get a response, social services are contacted.

So the bus company is clearly in the wrong. It has broken its contract with whoever is paying for the service.

The OP was not there 10 mins early, but she doesn't have to be. She has to be there at the designated drop off time, which she was, and she needed to be contactable by phone, which she was.

And people are late to pick up kids from things sometimes. That doesn't mean whoever is being paid to care for those children can just turf them out.

Lots of people leave doors unlocked. I didn't realise that was controversial.

Besom · 23/06/2010 19:58

What the op was doing or where she was is neither here nor there when considering the duty of care the transport service has towards this child.

They should not have left her without seeing that there was someone appropriate to care for her inside.

4madboys · 23/06/2010 20:01

i think the key point is that this 'carer' was responsible for her dd and left her on her OWN.

in the same way that when i have one of my friends kids round to play, when i take them home i would make sure there was an appropriate adult there, i wouldnt just leave them even if the door was open.

its one adult handing over care of a CHILD to anther adult, you have to make SURE that there is an adult available to care for the child, regardless of special needs, being a few mins early or late etc. the carer is respnsible for the child UNTIL there is another appropriate adult available.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 23/06/2010 20:02

"Who said anything about the Tories?"

I remembered Aloiuseg from the politics threads

posieparker · 23/06/2010 20:05

Whilst the OP must be a little peed off with herself not being there her dd has many safeguards in place to ensure her safety. One of those is to ensure she is supervised. The OP could have been in an accident and her child would still have been home alone. I should pick my dcs up at particular times from school, they are all quite young, and if I don't get there I know that they are safe.

OP YANBU, but next time ensure you give them at least 15 minutes to be early!

scaredoflove · 23/06/2010 20:05

"The bus was at the school to meet the child, the parent was not there to meet the child at the other end. " The contract of the service doesn't end when the bus arrives and drops off the child - the contract ends once the child is handed over to an adult

If a service is early, for whatever reason, they should wait until the normal time and then wait a little bit more. It is the equivalent of telling all the children to leave school 20 mins early and not waiting for the parents to collect them, just letting them all wander home alone

The transport people should have waited for the proper drop off time and then made sure someone was there to greet the child

borderslass · 23/06/2010 20:08

This would make me angry my ds's taxi escort won't leave him if no-one is in.

pigletmania · 23/06/2010 20:08

YANBU at all, they were not there at the right time so there was nobody in to meet her. I used to work with people with LD and would escort on the transport buses, we would knock the door if the door was open and the person went in we would call out, if there was nobody there we would take the client back to the centre and phone our contact numbers for that person.

It is unprofessional to leave a vulnerable child/adult on their own without a responsible adult. We would never have done a thing like that.