to be very lonely. and angry with my "friends"

[superv1xen]

i moved house in january to a new area. until i moved i had 3 best friends who i used to see regularly, we all have kids of similar ages. but since i moved only one of them ever bothers with me, we see eachother at least once a week and i would now class her as my best friend. however the other 2 have pretty much stopped bothering with me now, one of them has only been to my new house 3 times and the other one has never even bothered to come round. i have met up with her in town twice in the 5 months i have been here! this is despite me regularly asking them to meet up or do something and them always having excuses. i havent even moved very far!!

the one who has been to my new house twice is at college and finishes in 3 weeks. last week i asked her if she could meet up this week and she said she was snowed under with work and probably couldnt meet till after her course finishes, which is fair enough, i understood and was fine with that.

however, it transpires (through facebook) that the 2 of them met up in town for a coffee today. and never even bothered to ask me!! and something else that annoys me is that they were both friends with me first, and didnt know eachother, and now they seem to have pushed me out and are thick as thieves.

i dont know anyone in my new area, i am really shy and find it hard to meet people. i have been to my local surestart group with the kids but it seems hard to get chatting to the others there as they already all seem to know eachother. and i dont want to come across as desperate even though i am

i cant believe i am 30 years old and basically have ONE real friend. i have one or two others but barely see them, they are more acquaintances really. its pathetic. i am so lonely. i am a SAHM and i should be having a great time meeting up with other mums, doing lunch and coffees and stuff but i am not.

my DP suggests that they are jealous of me now i have moved (its a much nicer house, bigger than theirs, and we have spent a lot of money doing it up) also its housing association which are very hard to get. but surely no one would be that petty?

Hmm, why did HQ not delete the OPs charming comment about shoving a designer bag up my backside in that case?

And frankly, while we are being crass and boastful, it wouldn't fit anyway. My arse is tiny

damn damn i just logged back on and missed what cupcakes said !!!

seriously, i want to know, just out of sheer curiosity.

It all seems to be getting a bit unpleasant. A lot of people just have friends who are convenient and if they are not convenient they don't bother. They are not being horrible. I would force yourself out and about and meet new people.

I'll tell you in less blunt terms, OP.

In response to your "not that I have to explain myself to you cupcakes" I said;

a) if you'd rather that people didn't comment on various aspects of your life, then it's probably wise not to post about them.

b) don't see how your appearance is relevant anyway, or what handbag you carry in the crook of your arm.

and c) I suspect that your demeanour has more to do with your friend situation than any perceived jealousy.

Also, by blaming your friends "jealousy", you're projecting blame onto them instead of looking inwardly to see what it is that might be making them reluctant to contact you. It might not be their fault.

HTH.

Do you know when I read the OP I just felt sorry for Superv1xen.

It was her DP who suggested the friends might be jealous - probably because he adores super and thinks she's wonderful .

And she has received some really nasty comments - you know just to make her feel even worse about herself.

Super - I really do think that sometimes and particularly the friendships you make when dc's are small are quite fluid and they ebb as time moves on.

I'm sure you are lovely and will make lots of lovely new friends.

The thing that irked me was the general rudeness of OPs posts that weren't sucking up to her. "Get lost" and "i don't have to explain myself to you"?

Very inflammatory and very hard to feel sorry for someone with an attitude like that, in my opinion. Maybe if she tried a little more humility, she might have gained some friends from this thread. Or are we all jealous too?

I am starting to feel like a vile little playground shit stirrer now!!!!

nonethless............

whispers, she called you a cut price Coleen Rooney!

OP rise about , some wise word, some less wise....another day on MN.....

am I in shit now?

i meant "rise above"

haha cut price coleen rooney....

i like coleen rooney

Super,I think that you prob made some misguided posts, and yes, I am jealous of your handbag , but I think Tracey is right. I also think Cupcakes has a point.

But you know, onwards and upwards n all that.

Sooo, how old are your children and how are you going to go about getting some new mates?

For me, I found preschool/school a lifesaver, met some lovely friends (some have highlights ) and now have an active social life.

What can you do to get yourself out there and meeting new people?

Well, you know, vixen, it would appear that all you have to do is live in a tent, use a plastic carrier bag and get a battered stroller and you will have loads of friends.

Anywho getting back to the point, if there's never anything going on in local start something! Join nct if you feel the need, plus get back to the childrens centre and show them what you are really like. Plus you need to toughen up, or you'll never survieve the school gates.

yes i am definitely going to go back to the sure start group, for my kids if nothing else.

also - am now even more scared of the school gates, why would i need to toughen up, are they really that awful? {scared emoticon}

School gates are fine supervixen - its just like mn

Bet you wish you'd stuck to the S&B threads now don't you?

Just out of curiosity - wouldn't you rather DP saved up for your own house than gave you a designer handbag? (and no, I am not against nice handbags have got some myself) but perhaps thinking longer term may be helpful?

I am sure you will meet people locally and in the meantime why not invite your old pals round for a catch up - you may find you were worrying about nothing

Mention you've got housing association/council house on here and everyone gets the knives out. We have a long-standing housing crisis caused by poorly thought out ideology followed by government inaction - everyone deserves a decently priced roof over their heads, including you.

YANBU. I would be hurt if good friends gave me a wide berth. Above and beyond being totally honest with yourself about any any reasons they may not be making an effort with you, I think the advice to get out there and be friendly is the only way to go. Unfortunately, moving means you may have to start all over again - especially hard if you are shy - but there are always people out there who'd be pleased to find a new friend. Good luck!

Super, I love the school gates, very friendly, as I work from home it is the one chance I get to speak to people. There is no bitchiness and people are dressed up/down whatever, so no fear there.

twinterror - no, i dont want to own my own home, not in this climate, why would i, my rents dirt cheap, my house is nice and me and my kids have a home for life if we want it. houses are just not affordable for normal people these days in my opinion.

i agree donkeyderby there is a housing crisis, overpriced private renting, over inflated house prices and a lack of social housing, not just for the poorest people but people on low to average incomes.

as for my friends...i am actually thinking about inviting them all to mine this saturday night...so we will have to see what happens.....

superv1xen, I wasn't being mean or nasty. The fact that you interpret my comments as such suggests that you might also be reading too much into your friends' behaviour.

Whatever their reasons are for meeting up without you, I still maintain you should forget them and move on.

I've re-read your OP, Superv1xen, and I really, really wouldn't invite them this Saturday night. If one of them hasn't visited you in five months, and they always find excuses not to, I think they're trying to give you a message. They're actually trying to do it quite kindly, so I really wouldn't press your point any further. Don't invite them, and give them the message that you are quite happy as you are and really don't need them. That, paradoxically, might make you seem more attractive to them - if, that is, you really want to be friends with people who are patently not that bothered about you.

I think the advice about going to toddler groups and so on is very sensible. Go with a smiley face and a friendly manner, however shy you feel inside, and you will eventually meet someone who you get on well with and who likes you.

well well well...i have not needed to ask them...because, out of the blue today, one of them sent me a facebook message saying she has been missing me and that she was sorry for being, in her words " a bit crap lately" and she has asked me to come over to hers for a girls night in tomorrow night along with the other 2 and one or two of her other friends. will see how it goes tomorrow but i am so glad she has asked me.

You sound childish and clingy:

I only have one Best friend, I knew them first, my house is better, they are jealous, they are having fun behind my back, they are writing on facebook.

This is stuff is even below my 15 yo niece.

Grow up and look after your family. That's what you are supposed to sit at home doing.

Glad to hear its resolved well Super!

thanks tracey