to be very lonely. and angry with my "friends"

[superv1xen]

i moved house in january to a new area. until i moved i had 3 best friends who i used to see regularly, we all have kids of similar ages. but since i moved only one of them ever bothers with me, we see eachother at least once a week and i would now class her as my best friend. however the other 2 have pretty much stopped bothering with me now, one of them has only been to my new house 3 times and the other one has never even bothered to come round. i have met up with her in town twice in the 5 months i have been here! this is despite me regularly asking them to meet up or do something and them always having excuses. i havent even moved very far!!

the one who has been to my new house twice is at college and finishes in 3 weeks. last week i asked her if she could meet up this week and she said she was snowed under with work and probably couldnt meet till after her course finishes, which is fair enough, i understood and was fine with that.

however, it transpires (through facebook) that the 2 of them met up in town for a coffee today. and never even bothered to ask me!! and something else that annoys me is that they were both friends with me first, and didnt know eachother, and now they seem to have pushed me out and are thick as thieves.

i dont know anyone in my new area, i am really shy and find it hard to meet people. i have been to my local surestart group with the kids but it seems hard to get chatting to the others there as they already all seem to know eachother. and i dont want to come across as desperate even though i am

i cant believe i am 30 years old and basically have ONE real friend. i have one or two others but barely see them, they are more acquaintances really. its pathetic. i am so lonely. i am a SAHM and i should be having a great time meeting up with other mums, doing lunch and coffees and stuff but i am not.

my DP suggests that they are jealous of me now i have moved (its a much nicer house, bigger than theirs, and we have spent a lot of money doing it up) also its housing association which are very hard to get. but surely no one would be that petty?

noone would have given a flying shit about your HA house unless you had not bought up your "material goods" . You obviously are pruod as you keep on mentioning them! In quite a few posts....

had you not mentioned them, people would have just advised on your loneliness if you see what I mean?

dug yer own grave

I am sure that other people on this thread have "designer" stuff too, just maybe think its vulgar to keep mentioning it?????

This 'best friends' stuff seems very juvenile. Sorry. Personally, I would be steering clear of a 'friend' who got upset if I met another friend for coffee.

As someone with a massive mortgage who carries stuff around in Tesco bags in order to pay for it, I'm also very about designer handbags and HA housing.

And I mean Tesco carrier bags!

i am sure other people on this thread have designer stuff too; but perhaps they dont have HA houses so they are "allowed" them ;)

maybe i shouldnt have mentioned "stuff" i have...but (other than the jealousy thing) that was in retaliation to the people who seem to think i shouldn't have anything nice or make the best of myself as i live in social housing.

I dont think the stuff you have bears any relevance to your friends not coming to see you.

I think they way you react to your material goods (and the way you assume everyone to be jealous of you) might put them off.

Supervixen, sorry, you dont sound very nice. You are boastful about your material things, your yummy mummy looks, your HA/Council house you got offered, your working partner who treats you to loads. Maybe your friends just dont share your "ethos" anymore? Maybe they realize that they dont have so much in common with you anymore?

To be frank, you say you are insecure, that is probably why you come across as so boastful, and why you hit back with such venom to anybody who dont suck your arse....

Friendships change, and I guess your old friends are "just not that into you" anymore. I suggest you find new friends.

I completely agree with QSincognitoErgoSum, sorry Op but you aren't coming across very well at all.

Have you visited your friends at all?

don't feel sorry for yourself - get out there and meet other mums!! Try your local play park, go with your DC and on a lovely sunny day you'll find other parents there too with their own DC - get chatting about the weather and take it from there!

Leave your friends in the dust, and move on. They aren't worth worrying over, and obsessing about what they do on FB won't help your cause either.

i do feel sorry for myself and even more so now i have been told i am not a very nice person etc....

i am nice honestly, too bloody nice sometimes, the amount of crap i take from people.

i do visit my friends, thats the thing, its always me making the effort and trying to make plans, it wears you down after a while.

superv1xen, it's not about being 'allowed' or 'not allowed' designer stuff. It's more about people wondering how someone whose (lack of) income qualifies them for social housing can afford designer stuff too. If you can afford designer stuff (or your partner can afford to buy it for you), what are you doing taking housing away from people who can barely scrape together enough to live?

I think that's more the point. It's certainly more my point.

As for the friends: as I said, I'd run a mile from any 'friend' who started getting upset with me for leading my own life. I think they're just not that interested in you. They've probably taken your move as an opportunity to move on, and it's up to you to do the same.

Superv1xen - you surely know by now on mn that you're not allowed to being interested in 'stuff'

Sometimes friendships change for whatever reasons and perhaps its time to forge some new friendships via toddlers/playgroup etc.

I do think its very mean of people to say you don't sound very nice. Not terribly nice behaviour itself really.

and tbh I don't care if my friends rent their property or own it - that's got nothing to do with friendship!

it has nothing to do with friendship for me either lovechoc alfredamantolini - that is just mean and spiteful what you have said to me. and how dare you suggest i am taking social housing away from other people - if i was deemed in need of it then i must have been just as entitled to it as anyone else. and i am not upset at them for leading their own lives, just upset that they didnt invite me along to their meet up for whatever reason.

and traceybath thank you.

Super, I am sure you are a very nice person, just that your posts made you sound a bit, umm, shallow, sorry!
Of course you are allowed to look nice. Just that if you call yourself "Yummymummy" and start going on about how expensive your bag is/big your house is then that doesn't reflect well, does it? I am sure you are a great friend and I well understand how isolating moving is and have also struggled for friends in rl, but you can see how your posts have sounded a bit boastful?

But, if you have made the effort to visit your friends and then they have rebuffed and met up anyway, well, I'd start looking for new friends tbh. It could be that they are jealous of you, could just be that they have more in common, I don't know.
What about your new area, are there placs to meet other Mother's around there?
(Just DON'T mention your bag! )

Hmm OP I have just read the whole thread and really don't see how alfredamantolini was horrible or spiteful to you. Honestly, if you are going to be that super-sensitive and use words like that when people have a different opinion to you, then maybe you should look at how you're behaving.

Most MN-ers on here have said YABU, yet you refuse to listen to them.

That tell you anything?!

V well said DandyLioness, would agree totally. Think myself if they are real friends then there should be no reason to think 'jealousy' is an issue. TBH i went through something v similar after birth of DS, moved to new place, desperate to make new friends and became a bit possessive about them, it can be easy to get yourself tied up in paranoia i think esp when new parent. Not teenagers any more altho has felt that at times

Blimey, just read this whole thread...

I do think a few of the replies have been a bit on the bitchy harsh side to the OP...it was fine until she mentioned her Housing association house! Bloody hell give the woman a break, I don't think she was "bigging herself up", or being boastful, to me, it just sounded like she was saying she might have material things (nice house etc) but it doesn't mean much if she is lonely?

OP I probably would have been the same TBH - moving to a new area can be very isolating and its demoralising when it is always seems to be you trying to arrange meetings etc with friends. I doubt your friends meant anything by it but if you are a little bit down as well then things look worse than they are. If they are true friends you will be able to talk to them about this and they will probably reassure you; and if not, then they were possibly not the friends you thought they were.

Get yourself and the children out and about as much as possible, go to toddler groups, parks, etc, new friendships will come in time.

Ah yes! she did, apologies, I missed that bit. But people did seem to take offence over it.

whoooooah!!!!!!

Oh Cupcakes, that is too harsh.

Yes, mentioning appearance/bag is a bit crass, but that post was very nasty and uncalled for.

Super is lonely and hurt over her friend's rejection, don't lets kick her, eh?

She has not posted too cleverly at times, I agree, doesn't mean she is a nasty horrible who doesn't deserve friends. Reading back it seems she has been a bit on the back foot throughout the thead.

Well, I offered her fairly innocuous advice in my initial post. She was rude about it. It doesn't take a genius out to work out why she's lonely. I expect that this will get deleted too...