to think that sleeping through does not make a baby "good"?

[zombified]

First of all, I have a baby daughter. She is 4 months old. She is not sleeping through. And I am tired. So possibly IABU

BUT

It bugs me the way other parents say their baby is "good" or an "angel" etc because the baby sleeps through the night. Or they put it down to their excellent parenting/routine- not in so many words, but it is smugly implied.

This especially annoys me when the babies are formula fed or have a formula feed last thing at night. I have nothing against formula- but it does make babies sleep, so there's not much credit to be taken either by the parents or the baby on that count.

Whether a baby sleeps through or not does not make them good (or, by implication, bad). They are babies. They have no concept of sleeping through, they have no ability to be good or bad. They are just their lovely, innocent selves. Whether they sleep through or not.

My daughter has had the same routine since she was 8 weeks old, is in bed and asleep at 7pm every night, and her nights vary widely.I don't put it down to my parenting, whatever happens. And I certainly don't think she's "better" when she sleeps for longer. I'd love her to sleep for 12 hours a night for my own sake, but she wouldn't be any more of an angel if she did.

There's this obsession with sleeping through, as if it's not simply something which makes life easier for the parents, but is in fact the pinnacle of childrearing and a huge achievement for parent and child about which to crow endlessly.

Well, that's no bloody good Revelry.
Quick, let's think of something that will be a satisfactory response.
Ummmm...
DD used to get dreadful wind, used to fart so loudly that the cot/pram/whatever would shake as if in an earthquake.
People didn't know what to say, and children were told off by embarrassed parents for giggling. Farting didn't wake her up when asleep though, did me.

'not such a great example to mention starving babies'

Can I say that I donated a considerable amount to the SCBU then? That's true too.
But I didn't tell anyone about that either, because I knew some of my group had trouble feeding theirs and gave up due to a lot of bf smuggery and pressure from other mothers.

Now I think about it she was a real grunter in her sleep.

Sorry, I don't understand what you're getting at snowdropz.

Goblinchild, I would hardly think you are considerate if in your head you are secretly smirking at how some parents of non-sleeping children are deluding themselves.

What's wrong with saying your babies sleep through, to such a comment. It's How You Say It, rather than congratulating yourself on your sphinx-like superiority.

logrrl your post sums up what I feel exactly.

Although I'd love a full night's sleep (drool), I really, truly don't mind getting up to feed my baby. She needs a feed, so what? It doesn't affect the fact that she's a funny, contented, utterly charming little lass. And I'm on maternity leave so I consider it my job. I don't believe a child that sleeps through is the holy grail. And yes, as you say, I don't feel how she sleeps defines my baby in any way whatsoever. She has slept through and not slept through and almost-sort-of-slept-through and she's been just as good a baby throughout these shenanigans.

To the poster who said it was naive to not put sleep down to routines and parenting, I agree that you can lay down the groundwork, but you can't force sleeping through. my baby girl has regular naps in the day, a set bedtime routine, and goes down (and to sleep straight away) at 7pm on the dot every night. It seems she self-settles at night when she's not hungry and she hardly cries. But she doesn't sleep through. The routine is relaxing for both us but doesn't, I don't believe, much affect what happens after midnight. And I'm sure there are many mums out there who follow all the advice and all the routines, but still have a wakeful baby.

Goblin, my teenagers do not sleep all the time either. The oldest one (now nearly 17) still sleeps the 7 hours he began sleeping at age 18 months. He has never slept more than 10 hours in any 24, even at 3 weeks of age. One older daughter (aged 15) sleeps 9 hours and has rarely slept more than 11 hours in any 24, while the third (age nearly 13) is our family dormouse and needs 10 hours or she's foul. She's the only who has lie-ins and that's never beyond 9:30 even if she's been up till midnight.

All this to say that I'm not expecting the baby to sleep any more than her siblings did and do. At the moment she sleeps 8ish till 3am, has a feed and goes back to sleep till 5am, has a feed and goes back to sleep till 7am. Which is worse than she was doing at 3 months, but is really not all that bad.

Now when she was teething a couple of weeks ago, she was awake three times before midnight and every hour thereafter. That was hard, and I still have the headache to prove it.

DS2 does 8pm till 4am. No idea why, nothing I did different than with DS1 and he was a "standard" up in the night type baby. This morning DS2 didn't wake up until 6am (12 weeks).

It's not just sleeping through that get that kind of response.

PIL regularly tell me how 'well behaved' DD has been when they look after her - meaning that she doesn't cry and eats and sleeps well.

To which I reply - she isn't choosing to behave in a good or bad way, she is just living.

Well, I don't say it out loud, actually. It wouldn't make any difference.