Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have words with PIL about this?

87 replies

mckenzie · 21/06/2010 18:55

DS was out with FIL after school today (something they both like to do).
When DS sat down to tea I asked him if he'd had anything to eat or drink already and he got a bit upset. He said he knew he should tell me the truth but FIL had told him not to. It seems that FIL bought him a pepsi while they were out but told DS not to tell me .

Should I call FIL and ask for his side of the story?

Or AIBU and should forget it?

OP posts:
StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 21/06/2010 18:57

Is your DS allergic to any of the ingridents of Pepsi?

diamondsandtiaras · 21/06/2010 18:57

How old is your DS? It was wrong of your FIL to tell your DS not to tell you but i don't think the occasional pepsi is going to hurt..........if you don't want him to have it in future then you need to speak to FIL and make clear what you will allow him to drink.

TheFirstLady · 21/06/2010 18:58

How old is DS. Is there any reason why he shouldn't have a Pepsi while out with his Grandad?

MmeLindt · 21/06/2010 18:58

How old is your DS?

ChuckBartowski · 21/06/2010 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hopalongdagger · 21/06/2010 18:59

How old is DS? I'd be much more concerned about DS not being able to tell you, rather than the pepsi itself. Does your FIL often buy him treats?

I would speak to your FIL but not make a big deal out of it- explain that your DS was a bit upset about having to keep it a secret.

Lonnie · 21/06/2010 18:59

I would laugh and make a joke about it next time PIL is over about sneaky pepsis and then forget aobut it

usualsuspect · 21/06/2010 18:59

Fgs ...

FabIsGettingFit · 21/06/2010 18:59

YANBU.

Your FIL is telling encouraging your son to lie to you. That is the main issue and if you don't want your son drinking Pepsithen your FIL should respect that.

thisisyesterday · 21/06/2010 19:00

i think it's a bit of a big deal!

the FIL must have known that mckenzie didn't want her son to have Pepsi, otherwise he wouldn't have told him not to tell her

so i would have issues with him both giving something you didn't want him to have AND telling your son to lie to you

would i say anyhting? i'm not sure, i guess it would depend how strongly I felt about it.

ruddynorah · 21/06/2010 19:00

i assume the issue isn't the pepsi but rather the secret.

StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 21/06/2010 19:01

Yes, the secrecy thing is a bit unpleasant.

MmeLindt · 21/06/2010 19:01

The keeping secrets from you is worse than drinking Pepsi. I would let that go and perhaps have a word with FIL about not making your DS choose between keeping his word to his Grandad and lying to his Mum.

thisisyesterday · 21/06/2010 19:01

and i am sure there were other drinks he could have got him too.. so did he deliberately give Pepsi for some reason? why would you do that?

hoppershopper · 21/06/2010 19:02

IS there really a side of the story to get? He let the boy have a pepsi, not a hand grenade.
Unless DS is not allowed pepsi for other reasons then i think YAB a bit U.
Grandparents are the ones who will spoil the kids and let them have/do things we wouldnt normally allow, and thats why grandparents are so treasured.

Re FIL telling DS not to tell you, he prob thought you would react badly and doesnt see the harm, bu maybe he should have just told you that he let hi have a pepsi.
In any case its not like he let him watch a hprror movie is it?

BTW my DC dont drink fizzy pop ever, but if they were offered one as a one off, no big deal. I wasnt allowed pop when i was small and seriously overdosed on the stuff as a teen

BertieBasset · 21/06/2010 19:02

Maybe you FIL was joking with your DS, particularly if he doesn't usually have fizzy drinks "here you go son, but don't tell your mum", my grandma used to do it with 50p's or the odd sweet.

She wasn't encouraging me to lie to my mother, it just made me feel a bit special and like I'd had a treat!

domesticdiva · 21/06/2010 19:04

Would you have been okay with it if it was Coca Cola?

piscesmoon · 21/06/2010 19:04

I think that you should relax-you must be very controlling if both are frightened of telling you! As a one off treat it won't hurt. A lot really depends on whether your DS is 3 yrs or 8yrs or even 12 yrs.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 21/06/2010 19:13

My dad does this with DS and tells him not to tell me. It makes it seem as if something is more naughty and more of a treat if doing it with Grandad. The particular incident I'm thinking of with my dad is eating a pack of chips out of the paper . God, my dad's fab.

However, whenever Grandad asks DS not to tell me the first thing he does is tell me!

Original poster
mckenzie · 21/06/2010 19:17

It's the lie aspect rather than the pepsi itself. FIL spoils him rotten but with things like cake, chocolate,chips, expensive magazines, fizzy drinks etc.

But today i had specifically made a pojnt of saying that DS had had a hectic weekend full of burgers, chips, cake, fizzy drink etc (3 parties and one summer fete!) and so would he please not give him anything today.

OP posts:
Original poster
mckenzie · 21/06/2010 19:18

btw, I might do one of these posts again - I've never had so many replies Thank you.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 21/06/2010 19:18

To make a judgement we need to know the age. If he is only a toddler than YANBU, however if you are trying to rigidly control a 10 yr old when you are not there then YABU.

piscesmoon · 21/06/2010 19:19

Sorry I see it was school age so anything over 7yrs then YABU.

OrmRenewed · 21/06/2010 19:21

Do you think it was said in a jokey manner 'Better not tell mummy eh?' rather than a full-scale conspiracy.

thisisyesterday · 21/06/2010 19:22

but why is it ok to give a child something that a parent has expressly asked you not to give>?

i'd be pretty annoyed if someone did that with one of my kids
and then to tell them to lie afterwards...