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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit irritated that people keep telling me "this is the easy bit"?

92 replies

SirBoobAlot · 19/06/2010 00:27

DS is 7 months old. He has colic and reflux. I have various health conditions that make daily life that bit more difficult. He is currently at a very clingy phase, and is still waking three times a night for milk. I am exhausted and a bit fed up, to be honest, which I know goes with the territory, and even with all of this I am happier than I have ever been. But everyone has shit weeks right? This is one of mine

But its really getting on my tits hearing from everyone "Oh, this is the easy bit! Just you wait for X / Y / Z!". Well, actually, I'm not finding it easy, I'm finding it bloody hard work. So thank you ever so much for that confidence boost It seems that people (generally) don't only revel in telling birth horror stories, but also parenting ones. Yes I know it will be difficult when he starts crawling / walking / getting into everything / talking / having tantrums / etc but is it really necessary to tell me so?!

OP posts:
singsinthebath · 19/06/2010 00:30

YANBU
Every age has its challenges, but I remember the baby stage as being one of the hardest. They're only trying to make conversation. You'll get through it.

Athrawes · 19/06/2010 00:36

I feel the same when people laugh and tell me that life will get harder and I will get even less sleep once the baby is born - thanks! It FEELS like they are gloating but I suspect that most would be mortified if they knew how bad their casual conversational throw away lines make us feel so I try and shrug it off.

TheCrackFox · 19/06/2010 00:44

YANBU

I have an 8yr old and a 5 yr old and, so far, the baby stage has been the hardest. I can cope with most things in life if I have had a decent nights sleep.

Just13moreyearstogo · 19/06/2010 00:49

Agree with Athrawes.

You only have the luxury of seeing babies as 'easy' when you're long past that stage. When you're in it it's bloody hard work, exhausting, mind-numbingly boring at times, terrifying and, occasionally wonderful (usually when they're asleep and you look at their lovely little faces whilst sipping a nice glass of wine).

seenyertoeslately · 19/06/2010 01:00

Just look sympathetic and say, "Oh, I'm so sorry - I didn't realize you were still having so much trouble with your kids. I hope you get the hang of it soon."

If it's your ex-MIL, question her closely about how she handled this difficult stage, then do the opposite because clearly didn't produce a balanced and responsible human being.

AllSheepareWhite · 19/06/2010 01:00

YANBU and you are not alone DD (a yr tomorrow) still clingy and still feeding every 2-3 hours at night . Forgotten what 8 hours sleep feels like! I know people are trying to be supportive in their own way by reassuring you that it gets better, but some days you just want someone to say poor you, get you a cup of tea (or hopefully something stronger) and say do you want me to watch them for 2 hours while you get a bit of kip.

seenyertoeslately · 19/06/2010 01:02

'clearly she didn't'

nooka · 19/06/2010 02:19

Totally depends on the child (and the parent too). My dd was IMO a nightmare baby, whereas ds was very easy. She has been generally much easier ever since, although I suspect she may be a much more difficult teenager than ds. However if was the sort of person who enjoyed a very clingy baby I suspect that it might have been very different. dd would probably have flourished with a more baby wearing approach, but I think that ds would not have liked it at all, and I would have hated it.

I hope that life gets easier for you - personally I have enjoyed my children more and more as they have got older, which is a good thing, as it is fairly inevitable

thelittlestkiwi · 19/06/2010 04:17

I hate this too. People are continually telling me 'just you wait' like it is a curse. DD walking has been great. I love it! They are talking rubbish. Each stage has different challenges but its all easier when you get more sleep.

Good luck and hang in there.

cherryteat · 19/06/2010 05:19

YANBU.
Ugh! I'm mightily fed up with strangers threatening "you just wait 'til she's a teenager, that's when the trouble really starts!"
Yeah cheers mate that gives us something to look forward to.
And..."how old?" whilst jerking their head in the general direction of our baby, "God she's really big/small for her age."
As if my new-mum neuroses weren't bad enough already.

cherryteat · 19/06/2010 05:22

And (am on a roll now) when beautiful DD is crying:
"I don't know what's wrong with her, mine were never like that."

AIBU to start a sentence with And?

LinzerTorte · 19/06/2010 05:34

If you're still being woken three times at night, I don't think anyone could describe it as an "easy stage".

Personally, I've found that things definitely get easier as they get older and more independent - yes, there are new challenges but it's far easier to cope with them once you're getting a good night's sleep!

I found the baby stage by far the hardest; neither DD1 nor DS were "easy" babies. Things started getting easier when DD1 was about nine months; it probably took a bit longer with DS, though he was always the hardest work (but he's also the one who makes me laugh the most). He's 3 now and things are still getting easier; there's always something to deal with at every stage, but when I look back to how he was at seven months compared to what things are like now, I don't have any doubts about which stage I prefer.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 19/06/2010 05:43

I totally agree with TheCrackFox - mine are 7 and nearly 10, and whilst it's not all plain sailing, I found the baby bit the hardest. The sleep deprivation is the thing.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 19/06/2010 05:44

yy the teenager thing so, a pain too - actually - there's a lot I'm looking forward to - so Ner Ner Ner Ner Ner

mollycuddles · 19/06/2010 05:58

The only easy aspect about newborns is you know what they want most of the time when they cry so it requires little thought. Good job in the middle of the sleep deprived hell - can you tell I'm in the middle if it again? When they get older I frequently have no clue how to proceed. Ds now 12 and dd1 is 9. And fwiw would much rather deal with anything than be pg. People especially in laws take crap - that's a given.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 19/06/2010 06:38

I found the baby stage by far the hardest . Sleep deprivation is awful. Just to remind me how bad it is, the dog has been getting me up twice a night for the last week or two and I am rapidly going to pieces. Last week I forgot to take home DS's friend and sent DS in uniform on mufti day. I really understand why it is used as a form of torture.

tryingtoleave · 19/06/2010 06:42

I don't know. I really have to fight the urge to say this to people with little babies who are whinging about lack of sleep etc (I do bite my tongue though). See, I have an almost 4 yr old and an 18 month old, who constantly demand things of me, won't sit still, scream and yell at me, make it impossible to do all the nice things I did with a baby (going out for coffee, shopping etc), trash my house, and still don't sleep through the night. So I have had almost 4 years of being woken up 3+ times a night and I look back with nostalgia to when I had one lovely cuddly baby.

But it does sound like you are having a hard time OP, and I'm sorry for that.

McSnail · 19/06/2010 06:52

Personally I'm finding it easier as daughter gets older (she's almost 10 months)
Saying that she's still waking at night and I find the sleep deprivation pretty shit. Can't wait until she sleeps properly through the night.

I'm sure when she starts wanting to dress like a hooker at the age of forteen, I'll find that hard too...

McSnail · 19/06/2010 06:52

fourteen

Bonsoir · 19/06/2010 06:56

For me, there really was an "easy bit" between the point when DD started weaning (so I could leave her for longer) and when she started crawling (and needed to be watched every second). There was a peaceful lull with a contented cooing baby happy watching me go about my daily life from her bouncy chair that lasted for about four months...

Chil1234 · 19/06/2010 08:03

I don't think you're being unreasonable but, then again, well-meant-but-inane or downright malicious statements are pretty much par for the course the minute you own up to being pregnant from what I've experienced. My reaction is to simply never reveal you're having any problem at all, except possibly to one friend or doctor you really trust. Display even the tiniest weakness in your maternal armour and you'll get...

a) trumped by a much bigger problem they had (often resolved in text-book perfect fashion)
b) something clicheed and useless 'this is the easy bit', 'wait until they hit the terrible twos' 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!!' etc.
c) Insistence that you consult some bonkers book/website/therapist/witch doctor which 'absolutely saved my life'.

TottWriter · 19/06/2010 08:10

DS is two now, and while I wouldn't say that it is physically easier, it's definitely more rewarding now that he's mostly sleeping through the night (or at least only needs quickly settling) and now that he can give something back in the form of smiles, conversation, and all the other interactions that only start when they learn how to talk and walk and give cuddles etc.

I'm not saying it's the same for everyone (because that's pretty bloody obvious to all except those who "have to" comment), but when they're babies they can only take, whereas now my DS gives a lot of entertainment back, which makes things feel easier. IME, the myth that they're easier as tiny babies is bollocks. Yes it's simpler, but there's nothing like the encouragement of a small upturned face saying 'pwweeeeeeassseeeee' to cheer you up when you're down.

TakeLovingChances · 19/06/2010 08:14

A close friend of mine had a baby DD who was a nightmare at night, constantly waking up. My friend was convinced that this meant her DD would be an easy teenager methinks she was clutching at straws a bit there in her optimism.

Also, related but not directly - years ago I was at a family wedding, a few months before my own wedding. I was talking to a married relative who told me, "the hardest year of marriage is whatever year you're in currently, looking back and looking forward marriage seems easier."

Such a positive person my relative is! FWIW, I think he was wrong about the marriage thing and I do hope my friend's DD is a well-behaved teenager in the future

TakeLovingChances · 19/06/2010 08:14

Oh, I forgot to say: OP, YANBU!

SherbetDibDab · 19/06/2010 08:19

YANBU, I can't stand the just wait till they're x brigade.
I had a colicy baby and it was hard and personally find life is so much easier once they're out the baby stage.

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