To be a bit irritated that people keep telling me "this is the easy bit"?

[SirBoobAlot]

DS is 7 months old. He has colic and reflux. I have various health conditions that make daily life that bit more difficult. He is currently at a very clingy phase, and is still waking three times a night for milk. I am exhausted and a bit fed up, to be honest, which I know goes with the territory, and even with all of this I am happier than I have ever been. But everyone has shit weeks right? This is one of mine

But its really getting on my tits hearing from everyone "Oh, this is the easy bit! Just you wait for X / Y / Z!". Well, actually, I'm not finding it easy, I'm finding it bloody hard work. So thank you ever so much for that confidence boost It seems that people (generally) don't only revel in telling birth horror stories, but also parenting ones. Yes I know it will be difficult when he starts crawling / walking / getting into everything / talking / having tantrums / etc but is it really necessary to tell me so?!

Oh dear, I think I said that to someone yesterday!! I meant it as in, 'often sleeping through the night and not getting into everything yet'.

But no, it's not the easy bit at all. I found the whole baby stage really difficult, partly because I actually found it quite mind-numbing. My two are now four and six and life is infinitely easier than when they were babies!

I used to be very when one woman with three school age children kept saying, "it dun't get any easier". My two were newborn and 18 mths and the thought of having six hours to myself every day was a luxury beyond compare.

Hope things get easier for you sirboob.

My DD was like your DS. She's now 3 and this is a breeze in comparison to pre 18 months old

YANBU but maybe they're just trying to make you feel better

YANBU. I always felt the same (have older sisters with children so heard it alot.) If it's any comfort I haven't found it to be true. In some ways things are harder but alot of things are easier and more rewarding as Tottwriter says. It's just different.

I've now got a 2nd and kept being told when I was pregnant "just you wait till you have two, you've never known such hard work". Thanks. Again, it's not been true and I'm genuinely enjoying it in a way I didn't enjoy my first.

Ignore them!

yaNbu
I am sick of this assumption that every stage in childhood is harder than the last - why on earth do people have more than one?
Finishing with the teenage years are the hardest - well if I can put my teenager down for more than 5 minutes while I wash up without her screeching at me I'll be fairly content. Do you think I'll get time to pluck my eyebrows with an 8 and 10yo?

And fwiw it is hard when they can crawl/walk iirc but at least then they can get where they want to be - some of the frustrated wailing stops! And DS is now 3 and no longer needs watching like a hawk or interacting with constantly - pre-DD I did have time to myself.

Count your blessings those of you with teenagers - the absolute worst (according to my mum) is when they are grown up and have responsible jobs, are married and settled in a house less than an hour away from you

YANBU. When DS1 was about 3 weeks old I ventured out on my own for first time, feeling very proud of myself(!) as I'd been struggling somewhat, an old lady peered into the pram and said 'They are so easy at that age, it only gets harder from here.' I think I recoiled in horror because the lady with her (obviously amuch kinder, more sensitive lady) said 'Oh no, newborns have their moments too.' I just wanted to cry....as i did most of the time at that stage! 5 years and 2 more DCs later..yep babies are easy

"I used to be very when one woman with three school age children kept saying, "it dun't get any easier". My two were newborn and 18 mths and the thought of having six hours to myself every day was a luxury beyond compare."

have you seen her again to say ner ner ner i was right?

i think people do have rose tinted glasses - i was saying yesterday that newborn DD slept all the time, apparently that's not how DH remembers it

YANBU.

Im some ways I know what they mean. A baby, even a clingy one, is a lot more portable and accomodating than for example a 2 year old. DS was a fairly easy baby though, he didn't really cry that much once we were past the first month.

What I think people forget in hindsight is how much better it is once a child can communicate properly. Although DS is a stubborn little chap and in lots of ways it's harder than when he was tiny, it's so lovely that he can tell me what the matter is and we can chat and have a lovely time.

You could do the toddler trick of the eternal 'why?' As in:

"This is the easy bit"

"Oh really, why's that then?"

"Because XYZ"

"Is that so? Why?"

etc, etc - see how far you can go before they give up.

FWIW, I think the easy stage is before you even think about starting TTC.

(And continuous broken sleep is horrible

)

YANBU

DS1 is 13. It is a fabulous age. He is changing and growing and I get glimpses of the man he is going to be. He is forming his own opinions, defining his own moral guidelines, he is interesting and boring(!) in the way only totally self obsessed teens can be. He is great company and has the best sense of humour. And he sleeps through

DD is 4 and DS2 is 6 and they are both pretty much self sufficient, with minimum intervention from DP and I. (Obviously I do feed, wash, play with them etc. it is just that they don't depend on me for everything in the same way as a baby, and often play for hours together)

I am about to embark on the baby years again, due November, and tbh my heart sinks a little at the prospect of not sleeping and being 'needed' so much for the next few years. But I keep reminding myself how enjoyable it is having DS1 and that I get to experience the stage he is at 3 more times. The baby stage is a slog, albeit a wonderful rewarding one, but my mantra is definitely 'it will pass'.

YANBU The Cub is nearly walking and into everything. We Cub proofed the downstairs and it's not so tough. However, I found the first 10 months a complete nightmare!

LoveHimToBitsMindButHe'sMuchEasierAndMoreFunNowTiggaxx

I find the best way to deal with this sort of thing is to lower my expectations of other people. In general, they say all sorts of stupid, fatuous stuff which is best ignored, really - they're just flapping their mouths with their brains in neutral.

YANBU......... I found when I was pregnant/in hospital ill/at home with a newborn/going back to work etc etc that EVERYONE was an expert - even those dear friends of mine who have never had children.

A personal favourite of mine was when DS was in SCBU (he was 7 weeks prem) and we were an emotional mess, I was told: "This is the easy bit, wait until you get him home and the sleepless nights start"....... obviously I didn't have any sleepless nights when my newborn was in hospital being cared for by someone other than me - fuckwit!!

I don't think there is an "easier or harder" stage. DS is now nearly 17 months and each stage has been easy and hard in its own right. Yep, when he was a newborn he would feed and sleep so I could sit and have a chat with a friend for an hour - yet on the flipside he woke up 700 times a night......... then when he started walking he was sleeping great and very independant with a great personality... yet I couldn't have a two second exchange of pleasantries with a friend without DS wandering off to rummage through a bin or someone else's handbag!!

I would say that for me it keeps getting better and better (despite the new challenges) because DS has grown and developed from a baby into a little person and it's amazing to be part of that.

And I hear your pain with shit week. I have two periods I fondly refer to as hell week 1 and hell week 2. The first was when DS was 10 weeks and pretty much slept for 30 mins and the second was when he was 9mo and decided to try getting up at 4am to start his day!!

Its the hardest bit

they are talking shite

sleep deprivation is THE HARDEST THING as you cant cope everything is coated in deep deep fatigue

so ignore them

plus as others have said when they get older they actually show love and some gratitiude, much better!!!

Well IMO from what I hear from my partner who teaches, if you have a girl, you are pretty much fucked, the moment they reach teenage years.

Some of the things she hears in her class is simply shocking and to think I wanted a girl, we had a boy. I am sure they are difficult.

I wish I could say

YANBU

All children are different, and all parents have skills and traits that make them better suited to different stages of parenting.

My DD was a screaming banshee rather challenging baby, and I'm not really a newborn type.

But she's been a very easy toddler, and I'm much more adept at entertaining toddlers, so this stage feels like a doddle compared to the first year.

YANBU

When they start sleeping through, and getting a bit less dependent, then it gets easier.

My DD1 is nearly 3 and can get herself up, put her own clothes on (ish), she can feed herself, and I can have a conversation with her and get a bit of sense out of her. She can concentrate on stuff and so I don't have to be constantly distracting her, she can sit and do drawing, or playing, or run around in the garden without me having to be within arms length.

It is much much less work than the baby and for me, much more relaxing and enjoyable (I always knew that I would find the baby bit hard).

You have loads to look forward to!

I think that anyone who has thier youngest children over the age of 3 is a very unreliable witness-you forget so much in the blurry, sleep deprived hormonally challeneged, shocked stage of the baby days. Thats why it becomes a blur. Natures way of making sure you will do it more than once!

My DD is almost 3 and we have had some tough days/weeks but on the whole it's easier-she sleeps through, she is out of nappies (almost) she can feed herself, she can tell me if she feels sick, has a pain in her ear, needs a poo, she can climb in and out of her car seat and she can carry her own stuff (to a point).

Yes we have tantrums, yes she gets bored/hungry/tired and demands a lot of attention but she is a child and it's so so much easier than a baby who can only communicate with crying which sets up an adrenaline response in you which in turn causes stress all on top of 3 hours sleep (if you are lucky) To add to that you and your partner are learning to be parents, your whole world has turned upside down you can no longer defined by your career. You may lose some freinds, you have less money. All of these things are new to you. IF you throw a touch of hormonal crap into the mix you are probably in one of the worst phases in terms of it's affect on you.

I really hope it does start to get better for you, I really appreciate how difficult those first few months were. As folks have already said each staqe does have it's challenges but I think the first 12 months were the hardest thing I have ever done in my life-I am in no rush to do it again just yet/if ever, thank you!

oh yes being able to tell you when there's something wrong! DS had ongoing ear infections / colds / D&V and we found having to guess and work out what was wrong so hard and stressful. Now he's 3, we can start with the cuddles straight away if necessary (and he seems to have grown out of a lot of it, hopefully!!)

YANBU
Is there an easy bit?
I must have missed it with both of mine then.
DD is 13 and DS is 20 and no stage of their development was easier than the rest. Just different challenges.

YANBU, I hate this too. People are just doom-merchants though - love to predict disaster! It's much more dramatic than saying things are going to be easier!

I actually think things will be a lot easier for you by around Xmas/New Year.

Generally, reflux tends to clear up around the 13/14 month mark if not before. If nothing else, you can start controlling the type of foods they eat and give them really dry or gloopy foods which stay down a bit better.

They can walk places. This also improves reflux generally (the uprightness) whereas sitting can make it worse (in my experience) because pressure is placed on the diaphram etc.

Generally they dont wake several times in the night for FOOD, anyway, past a year and if they do, there are things you can do to try and break the habit if you feel you need to.

You will have more choices about how things can be, generally.

Things DO get easier so tell them to eff orf.

YANBU.

Different babies are different. If you have an easy baby, the toddler phase will seem more challenging.

Both dcs were non-sleeping velcro irritable babies. There was nothing easy about it.

Once they were mobile, they calmed down. Occasional tantrums were a breeze in comparison.

I can hth say that it got easier and easier. dd 6 is an absolute dream in comparison. Even ds at 3 is now pretty good company.

SBA, sounds like your ds is tricky and you are finding it hardgoing. My mantra is always 'this too shall pass'. And it will

OH and you have so much to look forward too! i ADORE ds being 2, its just the best. babies are tough

My DD was really hard work between 10 months (when she started walking) and 18 months (when she became properly steady on her feet and less reckless about climbing on furniture etc). There are phases, and often a child's physical and mental development coincide in unfortunate ways.

My sister's DD was very late to walking and had already become risk-aware before she was properly mobile - hence a lot less monitoring was ever needed.

YANBU my second child had reflux and it was the hardest time of any of the children before or since. The screaming, the sickness and the general worry were worse than any toddler tantrum! (I havent got to teenagers yet so cant speak for that phase).