To be a bit irritated that people keep telling me "this is the easy bit"?

[SirBoobAlot]

DS is 7 months old. He has colic and reflux. I have various health conditions that make daily life that bit more difficult. He is currently at a very clingy phase, and is still waking three times a night for milk. I am exhausted and a bit fed up, to be honest, which I know goes with the territory, and even with all of this I am happier than I have ever been. But everyone has shit weeks right? This is one of mine

But its really getting on my tits hearing from everyone "Oh, this is the easy bit! Just you wait for X / Y / Z!". Well, actually, I'm not finding it easy, I'm finding it bloody hard work. So thank you ever so much for that confidence boost It seems that people (generally) don't only revel in telling birth horror stories, but also parenting ones. Yes I know it will be difficult when he starts crawling / walking / getting into everything / talking / having tantrums / etc but is it really necessary to tell me so?!

I thought that was really quite unpleasant. There is close to the line and then there is way over it.

YANBU OP,

I hate this misery competition of who has it harder "what do you know, wait until he's MY child's age and then you'll see".

It's all such bol*ks. I had the worst pg in history (various health issues, finances, social factors that were stressing me) and everyone was like "this is nothing, wait until it's out". And I hated it as I was having the worst time of my life and was in constant agony.

You know what, THEY WERE WRONG!!!!

As your lo grows up things don't get more difficult, they get different. And, a change is as good as a rest, right?

OP, YANBU.

Sleep deprivation is torture. Everyone finds different stages have their different challenges, but I have found parenting MUCH easier since I get more sleep (mine are now 6 and 4) and also I have some of my life back.

It's funny because there's a post much earlier on about how when they are newborns you know what they want, but as they get older it gets harder. I have found the exact opposite to be true. When they were babies I often had no clue at all as to how to stop them screaming their hearts out! Now, I just say "I can see something's upsetting you", and they just tell me! SO much easier! It's not always something I can solve easily, but at least we can discusss it, and they can understand me.

Likewise, they no longer cry when I leave a room, and understand "I'll just be in the kitchen making your tea". There were times when they were babies when I felt imprisoned in a miserable life. I no longer feel that way (not very often anyway ;-)

I would not go back to the baby stage, not for any money!

Another one here who sincerely believes they get better as they get older. I always wanted a big family but the hell that is the first year has meant we are definitely sticking with two. Don't get me wrong, mine (5 and 2) have their challenging moments, but give me potty training and schoolgirl strops any day over complete dependence, screaming fits, total unpredictability, inability to communicate, and not a single moment in the day where I was able to sit down.
Mind you, it did feel like I was the only person to feel this way irl, as baby groups/the high street was full of women gushing about how much they were enjoying new motherhood. I felt like I was missing dome fundamental maternal gene; a feeling that only shifted when I met a kindred spirit on the "circuit". Everyone needs one of these, whether online or in the flesh, to make you feel that it is ok to think that mothering a baby is often just a bit shit...

My lovely NCT teacher stressed the importance of having mum friends who you could moan to and say 'It's shit, isn't it?' I remember feeling faintly shocked and affronted. NOW I understand

That's very true cheerfulvicky - I spent a lot of time pretending it was all wonderful and I was all confident, so meeting people who I could have a moan with (and a laugh) was really helpful.

Thankyou so much for this thread! dd is 7weeks and god it is hard! am feeling a tad more positive now

What mothers do especiaaly when it looks like nothing is a great book for cheering yourself up as well - wisd DP would read it

ItsAllGoing, the first six weeks were the hardest bloody thing I have ever done in my life. As hard as I am finding it now, its easier than it was. Hope you're okay x

YANBU - also, my mum who has raised 5 reckons the pre-talk, pre-mobile stage is the hardest satge of all because they are so bored and frustrated.

So far, despite many many remarks indicating the contrary, I've not found anything as hard as the last 2 weeks of pregnancy (DD was 12 days late). It has all got better since then even with the broken nights!

Oh I hated that throw-away comment sooooo much ... why thank you, I have PND so badly that I spend most of my time fantasising that I catch an exotic infectious disease and have to spend the next year of my life in an isolation ward which will be great because I can SLEEP and not be responsible for this irrational screaming creature, and you're telling me it ONLY GETS WORSE? And I swear there the same kind, if not the same actual people, who also like to say 'but you MUST have another, it's not faaaaair to have an only child'. Bah.

DD is now six, has got nothing BUT easier over the years, and now that I am no longer on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown I can cope with the thought that she will almost certainly be hell on wheels as a teenager.

DonCall - you have reminded me of something I had completely forgotten - I used to fantasise about breaking my leg really badly so I would be in hospital for weeks (sleeping) and someone else (who knew what they were doing) would have to look after DS1

Oh YANBU. Mine are WAY easier now than they were as babies . I mean, I was travelling with them both alone yesterday, on public transport and I was actually able to contemplate reading my book. I didn't, but I maybe could have read a page or two. They are 7 & 3 and were doodling away... plus they carried their own stuff. And they sleep. Much, much easier.

Glad its not just me then

Any age when they can bring you cups of tea has got to be easier than any age when they can't. This is the sum total of what motherhood has taught me.

YANBU SirBoob. I found Rachel Cusk's book and it saved my sanity when I seemed to be the only new mother thinking it was all shit all the time. (DD is now just over 1 yo and still alive despite colic, reflux, multiple ear infections and her exhausted, stressed, isolated, miserable mother's best efforts. This time last year I would not have been willing to guarantee this.)

ItsAllGoing - ignore those smug fuckers who tell you how wonderful it must be and it'll all get better by 6 wks/12wks/ random number of wks or months. Each child is different, but as a rough rule of thumb older will mean gradually easier/better.

DD was IVF so I am bloody grateful to have her. But I'm staying on the pill till I die cos the thought of having to deal with a newborn ever again, however much of a medical miracle such an event would be, is a prospect I find utterly terrifying. [SHUDDER] I prefer the guilt of not even trying to give her a sibling....

YANBU my DS had reflux , worst time fo my life - nearly tipped me over the edge.

Every age had their challenges but I would say that that a baby/toddler with reflux is not 'an easy stage' !

It will get better -I promise you . xx

GingaNinja I had a conversation with someone in Mothercare today who said she had once dreamed of having a huge family... And has since changed her mind. Her DD is six months I had similar feelings!

Thank you for all your encouragement. And yes, the age when they can make a cup of tea sounds good - he will owe me hundreds