To be wary of 'baby led' or 'child led' as concepts?

[Chil1234]

It's been gathering ground, I've noticed The fashion to preface new trendy parenting practices with the words 'child led' or 'baby led'. Does it make anyone else feel uncomfortable?

If we're delegating leadership to our children rather than the adults setting the agenda what does that say about modern parenting? And should we be surprised if in future, all of these kids grow up expecting mum and dad to meekly trot along behind, obeying their every whim?

I'm interested now SarfEasticated (loving your name I'm an Essex girl emigree), social history is a big interest of mine. So it isn't a manual with some agenda of it's own? Promise?

oh absolutely not, it's a highly readable account of gurus through the ages, which charts the public's great love of being told what to do, however much they think they are individuals. really a cracking read.

I promise. If you look on Amazon you get the first 8 pages of the first chapter, it'll give you an idea.

I'm from a lot more SE than Essex - Thanet Granite donchaknow! Live in London now though - I moved up North

i think that baby led and child led really means being responsive to what your child needs, these are not new concepts, they are perfectly natural. i think the trend is to get back to natural mothering and that is a backlash against all the parental control back from the days of children should be seen and not heard, given formula to save the mother breast feeding, cc and leave to cry methods, don't let baby interfere with your life etc to varying degrees.

i don't think baby led / child led is worrying at all, it doesn't mean giving children all the responsibilty, it means taking care of their needs rather than thinking of our own

it was a UN weaning study - they wanted to get the locals to wean @6mo (no clean water etc), but mouth to mouth feeding from early babyhood was so ingrained in the area they were buggered...(and indeed my 5 mins trying to find said study have also met with buggerance..)

as i love an argument, i'll find one even if it isn't there!

larks - I agree - the trouble with many of us, with our first baby, is that we have no confidence, no experience,no instincts, and no time to think about and really relax into getting to know our babies (I found the slepp deprivation an absolute shocker. And we may have a baby that is difficult to read as well.

With DS1 I needed a life raft and a routine to cling to - GF was that raft! - Of course I took it with a big pinch of salt, but the routines did seem to fit my baby, so it helped me understand what was going on. I didn't have to impose anything

With DS2, I was better at reading him, and he was easier to read, so I relaxed, and I had more "instincts".

I did BLW with him, only recently found out that's what it was - because he didn't like to be fed with purees - partly, I think because his view was that no-one else in he family was eating purees, so why should he?

I just had my booking in appointment, in my yellow folder there's apage on the unicef (uk) baby friendly initiative. It has a list of things which should all be discussed with all pg women by 32 weeks.
One of the things is "baby led feeding"

I agree with you, Chil. There is definitely a trend these days for children's needs to be at the centre of every parenting discussion, relegating the role of the parent to a passive observer. This seems to have led in turn to the creation of the "helicopter parent" - we all know some - those parents who flutter around their children tending to their every whim but somehow to exert any real authority over them. Whilst any decent parent would want to do his or her best for their child, and to engage with them in a civilised way, there seem to be a number of children whose opinions are always sought and acted upon as if they are somehow able to make rational " adult" judgements. I thought that was the role of adults!! This is both infantilising for adults and burdensome for children.

i do not know any helicopter parents. these things are made up by the media. i do know one woman who is perhaps a slightly more anxious parent than the rest of us, but having known her before she ever gave birth i can confirm that she is just an anxious person. defining people by their parenting style without taking any account of their actual personality traits just seem utterly bizarre to me.

Tanith, Rollmops and Piecesmoon
Your comments on babywearing are based on what? Total ignorance?
Babywearing has practical and health benefits for both mother and baby. There are many different ways to carry your baby, age old methods have been forgotten by current society. Modern commercial carriers range from bad for the baby (baby bjorn = crouch dangler = compresses babies spine) to deadly, bag slings (still available from other manufacturers).
I'm sorry Tanith that the websites promoting safe methods to carry your child makes you sick. Piececsmoon some of the carriers are beautiful, I wouldn't call any of them fashionable, more anti fashion IYSWIM. Rollmops

Eerr.... I was asking what the term [shudders] means.... you'd see that if you read my post.

The post where you suggest baby wearing is hanging a baby on the door?
" Iz tiz the nailing poor critter on the wooden board and hanging on the door thing like a poster here was going on about."
If you don't understand something don't just take the piss out of it. Here we go, a definition for you here
You better get your alcohol and smelling salts ready, us baby wearers are a scary lot.

I have absolutely nothing against carrying a baby around in a sling I did it myself, it is very beneficial-I think it is the term 'babywearing' that it utterly ridiculous! You wear a dress, a pair of shoes-at a push you wear a handbag. You do not 'wear' a baby-it puts it in the class of a fashion accessory!

Hear! Hear! piscemoon, utterly idiotic term it is indeed.

Try "student led" in schools and colleges. Holy cow.

All this shite comes from some sort of twisted concept of equality. The facts are, what children want is a great deal different from what they need. Ultimately they are happier when they get what they need.

A friend's DD who always goes to bed late (what she wants) and gets to eat what she wants, is always overtired, throws tantrums and is on a sugar rush.

DS wanted to go out today in the freezing cold with a t-shirt on, no second layer. I made him wear a hoodie. I was right. "Child-led" is a bunch of hippie twaddle.

YANBU.

I prefer the concept of "child centred"

or maybe "child considerate"

You have two types of parent: those that are happy to go with the flow and just do what seems right - these parents probably gravitate towards a baby/child centred style eg attachment parenting.

The other type is me. I do huge amounts of research on the internet and buy loads of books to make sure I bring up DD (7 weeks) properly and don't ruin her.

If people didn't invent these crap names for what parents do naturally; "blw", "child-centred", continuum concept", "baby-wearing", there would be no books on this "style" of parenting. So the only "proper" information available would be from the "let baby cry it out" camp.

So crap names, but to people like me these names validate a style of parenting that I can buy into (and buy the books for).

"The other type is me. I do huge amounts of research on the internet and buy loads of books to make sure I bring up DD (7 weeks) properly and don't ruin her."

Ha! Ha! how on earth can you "ruin" a 7 week old baby. There are many parenting years to come.

Ideas about baby care change all the time and none of the authors of these books have ever met your baby. There are many ways to parent children so that they grow into good adults.

My inspiration is an elderly neighbour who decided to breastfeed on demand 60 years ago. She got an absolute bollocking from her young childless health visitor. Her son grew up to become a solitior inspite of living on a council estate.

I'm not saying I'm rational

I just didn't/don't have the confidence to parent by instinct. So I bought lots of authoritative sounding books that told me to follow my instincts

anyone who has looked at this thread and is STILL coming out with the bullshit line that being child or baby led means renouncing all responsibility as a parent is either an idiot or just here looking for a fight.