To be wary of 'baby led' or 'child led' as concepts?

[Chil1234]

It's been gathering ground, I've noticed The fashion to preface new trendy parenting practices with the words 'child led' or 'baby led'. Does it make anyone else feel uncomfortable?

If we're delegating leadership to our children rather than the adults setting the agenda what does that say about modern parenting? And should we be surprised if in future, all of these kids grow up expecting mum and dad to meekly trot along behind, obeying their every whim?

The good thing about MN is that you can read about other people's experiences and ideas and learn from them. You can take it or leave it.

One size parenting doesn't fit all.

Oh yeah, and I personally blame Aitch for the fact that DS2 (10mos) is demolishing a chocolate doughnut atm, after seeing his brother with one. If I had not read Aitch's blog I would know nothing about BLW, he would be on purees, not know that what the rest of the family eats tastes nice and this would not be happening!

What's required here is another dog related thread.

I'm sure aitch's blog is fab,isthatporridge, but have to say that younger siblings have been nicking food from their older brothers and sisters since time immomorial! Even in the olden days when starting babies off on purees was the done thing most babies had progressed to lumpy foods and finger foods by 9 months or so.

oh completely autodidact, in fact i'd say that they were doing so by six months, because weaning started earlier when we were kids (not before, but that's another story).

that's kind of the point, that the idea that children being weaned at six months should be started on puree etc, while indisputably keeping Annabel Karmel in chelsea townhouses, takes no account of what children are actually capable of at that age.

imo blw is a blip, because of the shift from 3 months weaning to 6 months, and will more or less just be known as 'weaning' in due time.

Yes I think that's right aitch. And let's hope so, because it is a wanky name for it!!

totally. but it kinda needs to happen so that the pendulum swings back out of AK's claws to some sort of mean.

I made purees for DD cos I had loads of time to whizz up Annabel Karmel delights, and took great pleasure in feeding DD. She started on purees at 5mo, mainly cos I was excited about it!!!

DS was BLW'd, cos I had NO time to make purees, and had too many other things to do to spend time spoon-feeding. DS started on solids at 6.5mo - mainly cos of laziness on my part!

Good job I'm not planning DC no.3. They'd probably end up having to get themselves to the shop to buy the food themselves !

BTW, both of my DCs were/are good eaters so method of weaning doesn't seem to have made any difference.

Kerrrist on a bike, our DTs had their first taste of steak at age of 8 months and it was most definitely not pureed (it'd be criminal to puree fillet) yet there's no way I'd say we 'did the BLW'. We fed our children the very best and nutritious food and some of it was mushed, some of it was pureed (smoothies, anyone?) and some of it was in pieces.
Normal parenting IMnot-soHO.

I would just take from things the bits that suit you. Parents who think that they are letting the DC lead are usually gently manipulating it the way they want it to go anyway.

I did the child-led and baby-led stuff several years ago when my DS was a baby. Only it didn't have a name, then, and I'm not sure I could have defined to a precise point exactly what I did.

I suppose, if pushed to it, I'd say I just went with the flow, decided what felt comfortable for us both and, yes, took my cues from him.

I'm stil doing the child-led stuff as a childminder. It's just watching (observing) to see what the child is interested in and tailoring activities for his/her learning and development from there. No point doing a whole load of activities based on fairies if the child is interested in dinosaurs! Or trying to get a child to sit and do drawing if he's an out-of-doors, can't-sit-still-for-a-second type.

As for the BLW, one very positive outcome is that my MIL regularly has apoplexy whenever she sees baby DD chewing on a chickenleg or whatever.

But I do agree that the names are silly and misleading - like that other irritating term "Baby-wearing". That one really does make me grit my teeth - as though babies are some sort of fashion accessory!

Sorry, what is 'Baby-wearing'?
[reaches for voddie-t and gets smelling salts ready]
Iz tiz the nailing poor critter on the wooden board and hanging on the door thing like a poster here was going on about.
Me is scared....

You carry your baby around all the time-in a sling-at least I think that is what it means.I think it makes it sound like a fashion statement.

Yep, that's all it is - carrying your baby in a baby-sling, like mothers have done for centuries.

Why it has to be given such a stupid name is beyond me - there are even books and websites to teach you how to wear your baby written by women who wore all their babies - STOP! I think I'm going to be SICK!!!

It's a personality thing a lot of times, isn't it? Some people need a lot of control in their lives and have their children on schedules from birth. Some people are more high-strung and tend to hover. Some people are concerned with things like child-led such and such. Some of us people pretty much leave our their children be, short of mortal peril. (Except when it comes to manners... I don't really care for rude children so I've been on DS since he could speak about saying "may I" "please", etc, )

I'm with runny. As long as you're not abusing your child and whatever you're doing works for your family, so be it.

well aitch i could add your indian ladies at the end of me list for another extreme?

and here's me thinking Africa is a small, culturally homogenous lil' place....

you can construct similar lists for potty training (eg mother 1 does EC from birth and therefore never really PTs at all, Mother 2 does a 1 week intensive course at 18mo, mother 3 lets chld see her on the loo and waits for them to join in...), attitudes to language acquisition (baby talk, baby sign, just letting them listen to you etc etc, etc etc...)

ultimately we find it parents are one way or another making the choice, children are subject to these choices within limits ( i can't chose for DD to talk, i can encourage it for instance..)

I did plenty of purees for DD (just over 1) without any input from Annabel Karmel at all. Is she really that prevasive?

Yup, England. Just raise your child the way you see fit and try not to judge everyone else. You'll be fine, and so will your kids.

To learn about hanging babies from boards and weaning on bear read this...

www.amazon.co.uk/Dream-Babies-Childcare-advice-Locke/dp/0711227993

"Parents have long been bombarded with conflicting advice on how to bring up their babies: from Locke, Rousseau, and Truby King to Spock, Penelope Leach and Gina Ford. Behaviourist warnings in the 1920s about physical contact ('Never hug and kiss them. Never let them sit in your lap') swung to Jean Liedloff's 'continuum concept' that babies should be wrapped round mum and fed on demand. Today enthusiasts for the 'family bed' are at war with Gina Ford's call for a return to the strict routines of pre-Spock days. Who is right and who is wrong?

In this updated edition of her classic account of how and why the experts' advice has changed with changing times, Christina Hardyment analyses the anxieties of our own age and gives parents much-needed confidence in their own ability to choose the advice that best suits them and their babies."

FASCINATING book, that, absolutely brilliant i thought. and each generation steadfast that they were doing the right thing, even those who are smug about not doing anything much and choose to look down on people who like books.

and of course you can add it to your list, england, that's why i said it, because i was agreeing with you. whereabouts in africa, though, do they wean at two weeks? it was mentioned in someone's thesis, wasn't it? i'm sure i remember reading about it before. although i've asked some sierra leonians, nigerians, ethiopians and somalis and they seem not to be in any hurry, culturally. but even they are bloody big countries compared to here, so each story will come with baggage.

"gives parents much-needed confidence in their own ability to choose the advice that best suits them and their babies." "

Sorry that makes me laugh! Yet another parenting book that apparently is supposed to just give us confidence to do what we feel is best. Why do we need to read a manual to do what we feel is best?

There is just too much information available to us about all sorts of things, much of it conflicting and the internet just spews it out, usually without qualification.

I agree with OP that the terms baby-led this, child-centred that are naff, but some of the concepts are good and I will hopefully instinctively or intuitively put them into practice. Its when they become a doctrine that you have a problem or a MN spat anyway.

pervasive obv.

Dream Babies was so interesting.
I read it first when DD was tiny. Gave me confidence that I too could Bring Up Baby as there is no right or wrong approach.

Completely agree about doctrines, larks.
I want to respond, as an individual, to my individual child, in this particular circumstance. Rather than approach the situation from a narrow set of someone else's methods. Seems so inauthentic.

The book isn't actually a child rearing handbook, it's a history of lots of different methods used throughout history. It really is brilliant. What I got from it was that throughout history educated men would come up with these pronouncements to help us poor simple women bring our children up better, like freezing cold baths, feeding every 4 hours etc etc, and women would read the books, pretend to follow the advice and do their own thing anyway!
I recommend it to anyone parent or not, it's a great work of social history.