To be wary of 'baby led' or 'child led' as concepts?

[Chil1234]

It's been gathering ground, I've noticed The fashion to preface new trendy parenting practices with the words 'child led' or 'baby led'. Does it make anyone else feel uncomfortable?

If we're delegating leadership to our children rather than the adults setting the agenda what does that say about modern parenting? And should we be surprised if in future, all of these kids grow up expecting mum and dad to meekly trot along behind, obeying their every whim?

They're just 'buzz word' type phrases. You'retaking them too literally.

'Child led' or 'child centred' doesn't actually mean the adult hands over all control to the child. It just means you take the child's needs as a starting point.

(Btw, I think the whole 'baby led weaning' tag is a bit OTT and American. It's just common sense to me - let your baby have a bit of what you're having. It's what most cultures do. not rocket).

Look, this is all red herring stuff, Hopeforthebest. There is a middle ground and in fact I expect we're all in it. Personally I have ommitted to offer caviar, haribo, whisky, heroin and snuff in either bite sized or pureed form, for example. I have also demurred from putting kitchen knives and pole dancing kits in the toybox. And the bookshelf and dvd stand have books and dvds on that have been purschased by, erm, me. I'm a controlling type, me, you see. As are we all.

Nothing wrong with telling children what they can play with! Mine prefer on the whole to play with sharp, dirty or dangerous objects, I cold-heartedly insist on them playing with toys and inanimate objects that don't kill them. So mean!

Do what the fuck you like with your own children short of beating them or tying them up, and throw all the parenting manuals out of the window. Its just children, not neuroscience, we've been raising children since the dawn of time.
Chill the fuck out.

"You decide what your children should play with?"
Well if they want to play with their GM's Limoges tea set, or have a penchant for saws at 18mo then yes!

"And if they want to read a book, it has to be the one that you want?"
Well, if I was thinking along the lines of the Gruffalo and they have their eye on "Horrors from the Somme" then again, yes.

"Assuming, of course, that that is your chosen activity and not - god forbid - theirs."
And their chosen activity is drawing on the walls, whereas mine is bath and bed then again, yes.

I really don't get the tbh.

Hope...etc - wot runnybottom said, do read and reflect, dear...

It's just swinging back from the mantra of enforcing a (false imo) distance between parent and the baby.

Letting them cry, feeding them, putting them in a pram in the garden, bottles every four hours.... all a trend. This is just going back to what feels more natural for a lot of mothers.

Nothing to do with letting the child take control (or it shouldn't be).

we had great success with BLW - but really I don't think that it's anything new. I think it's pretty old school but now in www age it's been given a name?

I've not encountered any other baby/child led stuff - yet.

I'm in agreement with CARMEN & CORY - they are making lots of sense to me

Of course it's interesting and valuable to read up on these things (and then disregard a fair bit of it) but I find the notion that I might need to be told to respond to my child insulting, tbh. Just as insulting as you-know-who telling me when to feed him.

And just to clarify, although Rollmops' twins, at great ripe age of 2.5, are exceptionally advanced physically, mentally and socially[proud Mum emoticon] - according to our GP - and are such happy, bubbly children, they do have firm boundaries and rules set by their 'selfish' and 'arrogant' Mum and Dad. Not everything the Dashing Duo concocts between them gets a green light you see.... Such as pouring milk on antique rug, (circa 5min ago); heathen that I am, suppressing their creativity in such medieval way...[this site needs rolls-eyes emoticon]

Nice post, goodasgold.

Unfortunately our natural instincts have been rolled rough-shod over and we have lost contact with them entirely. There are now several generations benefiting from victorian standards. This is why I feel it is so important to re-educate ourselves. Otherwise we are following/rebelling against what was done to us and our parents were doing the same.

anyway blah blah blah here is what the OP wrote '
'If we're delegating leadership to our children rather than the adults setting the agenda what does that say about modern parenting? And should we be surprised if in future, all of these kids grow up expecting mum and dad to meekly trot along behind, obeying their every whim? '

no-one is delegating leadership to children, the OP doesn't understand the term. therefore everythign that comes after is not unreasonable, just incorrect.

And the media also contributes hugely. Vulernable parents hear 'naughty step' so often that they think that it must be ok, for instance. What's wrong with questioning these norms and with putting ourselves in our dcs shoes and thinking through what the long-term effect is? It too important not to stop and think. Phrases such as 'you're making a rod for your own back' 'you're spoiling them' 'that's what's wrong with society' stop people from having the courage to reflect.

i think basically drawing a distinction between child-led and adult-led is false -

look at the three different circs -

1. african tribes woman looks at her hungry 2 week old sticking its tongue at her, she thinks 'time to give them some of my food' and does so.
2. woman with 3 mo baby notices it is waking up often and feeding is becoming a pain - she thinks 'time for a bit of baby rice with that'
3. other woman notices 6 mo baby putting things in its mouth, sitting up, and trying to grab her food, she thinks 'oh i'll just give them a bit of mine.'

all three scenarios involve input from baby and mother. none is really child led, or purely adult led - they are acting according to their beliefs about how to interpret the childs behaviour, as informed by the culture they live in.

so yes, as a label 'baby-led' is annoying, becaue it doesn't reflect the actuality. nor would 'attainment pushing' either.

Well said, Ed.

I have more experience than my children - whether I have more intelligence, only time will tell.

yes, edgar, there was a really interesting paper that welliemum linked to a while back, seemingly doctors are tearing their hair out in some area in INdia (orget where exactly) becuase the culturalnorm is to delay weaning until 18 mos. they can't persuade these mothers that it's not safe etc etc etc because 'it never did me and my five brothers any harm etc etc etc'.

africa's a big place, btw. weaning at two weeks not a cultural norm across that continent, just one distinct locale afaia.

If OP doesn't understand the 'term' it's because the 'term' is nonsensical.

. Just for you, Aitch.

don't know why you're being so aggressive, tbh. child-led or baby-led just mean taking cues from the child, it's not nonsensical at all. you are making it so with your deliberate misinterpretation of what is a pretty simple thing, because you think it's fun to slag things off and think that referring to yourself in the third person is inherently witty.

Eerrr.... I'm not the OP, dear.
Taking cues from your child is what parenting is all about! Why the need for yet another idiotic label????

If that were the case, Rollmops, then about 90% of the posts on MN would disappear, and many shelves in bookshops would be a lot lighter. Just because you think something is idiotic doesn't mean it is.

"... about 90% of the posts on MN would disappear, and many shelves in bookshops would be a lot lighter..." Would that really be such a bad thing? Just imagine the trees that would be saved.

I didn't say it would be a bad thing - point is, if it was as straightforward as you make out, people wouldn't feel the need to buy parenting books. It's nice for you that you seem to be able to manage without needing external ideas or help, but rather unfair to assume that's true for everyone.