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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that giving a 9 year old wine is outrageous?

150 replies

fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 20:59

well my neighbour and her ex-husband (who I informed) don't. Fuckers. This is the same neighbour who beat up her 13 year old step-daughter on Sunday and was arrested and the Police called me and asked me to mind 4 children. Supposedly Social Services were scratching their heads as to what to do with them. She was then released with a caution.

I am slowly losing faith with Child Protection systems in this country.

OP posts:
Ladyanonymous · 15/06/2010 21:27

We teach our children to "drink responsibly" We don't teach them how to smoke responsibly - or how to use other illegal drugs.

Ladyanonymous · 15/06/2010 21:27

We teach our children to "drink responsibly" We don't teach them how to smoke responsibly - or how to use other illegal drugs.

wannaBe · 15/06/2010 21:30

"Why give a child that young alcohol - for what benefit is it to the child?" Well really, what benefit is it to any of us to drink alcohol?

I am practically teetotal as I don't like the taste of most of it, but ds has asked to taste dh's beer/wine and declared it to be revolting (he's seven).

I do however cook with wine and my tiramisu contains vast quantities of tia maria, and ds gobbles it down with no ill effects.

LuluF · 15/06/2010 21:30

Yes - you're right Ladyanonymous. But it isn't illegal to give children over 5 alcohol. That's the difference, isn't it?

And in most families, it doesn't seem to be an issue - this family is not most families.

wubblybubbly · 15/06/2010 21:30

fannybanjo, it does sound that the parents you're talking about are not introducing alcohol to their DC in a responsible way, just by their own example. However, they don't seem to be getting much right by the sound of what you've said.

Introducing alcohol to children in a sensible way is a good thing as I'm concerned. I occasionally had a snowball at new year, or watered down wine at weddings, even a very weak brown ale shandy on one FA cup final day. Whilst my peers were sending people round to the local off license to buy Thunderbird or White Lightening and drinking themselves stupid behind the shops, it held no intrigue for me.

That's not to say I've never been drunk of course, but I really didn't bother with experimenting in my teens. I'm fairly sure I'll bring my DS up in the same way.

greenbananas · 15/06/2010 21:31

Depends totally on the context, as others have already said. The context in this case sounds extremely dodgy and as if there are perhaps many more issues than the 9 year old tasting a bit of mum's wine. This particular 9 year probably isn't learning how to deal with alcohol appropriately.

wannaBe · 15/06/2010 21:32

are children allowed wine at communion?

booyhoo · 15/06/2010 21:32

lady in the uk it is legal to sell alcohol to anyone over the age of 18. this means that most of our children will grow up to be purchasers of alcohol, there is no legal deterrent to try and make them think twice about it in the way there is with illegal drugs. surely it is better to teach your children responsible drinking than to forbid it, knowing full well that once they hit 18 they can go out and buy it in endless quantities.

Original poster
fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 21:32

We can all educate our children to drink responsibly Ladyanonymous - it doesn't mean they have to sit and drink it.

OP posts:
greenbananas · 15/06/2010 21:33

9 year old, I should have said

Ladyanonymous · 15/06/2010 21:33

Its not illegal for a child to smoke fags either at any age - its just illegal to buy them.

Doesn't make it right.

The limit is 21 in the USA for a reason, the liver doesn't stop growing until that age, and therefore should not be given alcohol, esp at an early age.

LuluF · 15/06/2010 21:33

Yes and that's about aged 7 isn't it? But then, that's not wine is it? It's the Blood of Christ, after it's been blessed so maybe that's different?

smokinaces · 15/06/2010 21:33

Maybe she was banned from alcohol by her alcoholic mother and found it made it more appealing to her, so she has decided to give her daughter a glass of wine to demystify it??

No one knows exactly what goes on behind closed doors. Its not ideal, and by no means are the beatings or other things right, but a glass of wine for a 9 year old IMO is not a huge deal and not outrageous.

As for drinking responsibly - I view that as very different to illegal drugs and smoking. In my opinion a little alcohol is not harming, and it can be enjoyed responsibly. No amount of smoking is unharmful though, and similarly with illegal drugs - which is why I will be discouraging my children from either as much as I can.

Ladyanonymous · 15/06/2010 21:35

Thanks fannybanjo

I educate children about drugs and alcohol in schools for a living

EnglandAllenPoe · 15/06/2010 21:35

actually my parents did discuss the use of illegal drugs with us too...as a consequene i have never taken

  1. acid
  2. speed. and have always had a cautious approach to drug taking. i think there is a good argument for doing precisely that.

people drink. its a fact. The consumption of Alchohol is part of normal social behaviour.

people do not, on the other hand, need to get roaring drunk in front of their kids on a regualr basis, get violent and then try and get the kids into what they're doing too....the OP is more than right to be troubled that is being allowed to happen in this family.

i think the good reason to be worried by that glass of wine, is that it will lead to the child getting drunk regularly before very long.

maltesers · 15/06/2010 21:35

Ghostinthebackofyourhead. . .my dd of 19yrs is away at Uni in London. . .she is living away from home so there is not a lot a can do about her drinking amounts. I have spoken to her about too much boozing,, , but am not in control of her behaviour now. She is an adult!!

Any child under 14 though and i would ban it.

Ladyanonymous · 15/06/2010 21:37

Drinking regually on a daily basis in front of your children is damaging too, you don't have to be getting drunk, or violent.

You are just showing them its a habit which is ok.

booyhoo · 15/06/2010 21:38

lady, i totally understand your point but while the law in the uk remains the same we will not be able to stop our children from drinking after the age of 18. i would rather send them out knowing they have tasted it at home, had guidance on responsible drinking, and seen responsible drinking than hide it away and let them go out and experiment. it is damage control. the law is as it is, i am trying to do my best for my dcs with this law in mind.

LuluF · 15/06/2010 21:39

Actually, EnglandAllenPoe has a good point - the most worrying thing, regardless of what the substance or the vice is, it's the act of trying to coerce the 9 year old into doing the same as its parent. Children trust their parents, no matter how they are treated by them and they want to please them - this is the more troubling behaviour IMO.

Ladyanonymous · 15/06/2010 21:41

Yes, but we're talking about children under 10 here....of course I am not naive enough to think we can stop it, I know we can't and I probably have better insight into what teenagers are getting up to than most other parents, as I am the person they confide in in confidence.....and believe me....it isn't pretty.

EnglandAllenPoe · 15/06/2010 21:41

moderate drinkers are in fact more healthy than teetotalers..why is a complex matter...

wahwah · 15/06/2010 21:41

Fannybanjo, what do you want people to say? Most people here have been really sensible and get he disinction between ok families and your neighbours.

By the way, how are you planning to pass on your concerns for these children, or have you already?

hopalongdagger · 15/06/2010 21:43

But ladyanonymous I honestly believe that alcohol is a habit that's ok. I enjoy a small glass of wine with a meal, or a lager on a sunny day. I don't get drunk, I don't drink every day, but I think it's ok to drink.

EricNorthmansmistress · 15/06/2010 21:43

fannybanjo your OP is misleading as it is not the question you are actually asking. Allowing a 9yo to taste wine is not a big deaL - being an alcoholic and encouraging your 9yo to drink alcohol is completely different. Lots of people are answering that question - not the actual question you are asking.

No it's not ok for children to be encouraged to drink alcohol, especially in the situation you describe. However removing children is not as simple or easy as all that and presumably the SWs have explored the options.

booyhoo · 15/06/2010 21:45

and i am talking about a sip to taste definitely not a gulp or more. i dont see how doing that is more harmful than forbidding all alcohol consumption til the age of 18.