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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that giving a 9 year old wine is outrageous?

150 replies

fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 20:59

well my neighbour and her ex-husband (who I informed) don't. Fuckers. This is the same neighbour who beat up her 13 year old step-daughter on Sunday and was arrested and the Police called me and asked me to mind 4 children. Supposedly Social Services were scratching their heads as to what to do with them. She was then released with a caution.

I am slowly losing faith with Child Protection systems in this country.

OP posts:
purepurple · 15/06/2010 21:12

I had small sips of my mum's cider as a child. I also had sips of babycham and snowballs too. It has done me no harm whatsoever. I doubt that having a glass of wine as a child will turn them into alcoholics.

Original poster
fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 21:13

The difference though is that this mother is an alcoholic and has no morals, I assume you all do!

OP posts:
activate · 15/06/2010 21:14

She drinks on average 5-6 bottles of wine a day.

seriously - how do you know this fact?

purepurple · 15/06/2010 21:15

Oh and YABU

booyhoo · 15/06/2010 21:15

just to explain my reasoning.

as a child i was never allowed to taste my mum's wine. wine was bad. not allowed, dangerous. however with my younger sister she had a change of heart and allowed her to taste it from the age of about 10. my sister is a tee totaller and has never drank alcohol apart from tasting it when younger. when i hit 15 i went mad drinking as much as i could as fast as i could, putting myself in dangerous situations. this lasted for about 2 years before i realised what i was doing. i would rather let my dcs experience alcohol at home with us, and be able to tell them how to drink responsibly than make it a 'forbidden fruit' that they cant wait to get their hands on once they are out of my sight.

GhostInTheBackOfYourHead · 15/06/2010 21:15

maltesers, you just called your 19 year old binge drinker a naughty girl!!!

I find that extremely disturbing . If my DD had been doing that since 14 I'd be bloody sorting it out.

Original poster
fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 21:16

purepurple - this child's grandmother died aged 43 of liver disease (alcohol related). Her mother I doubt will live to see 50. So these laws really do not protect children who will start drinking wine at 9 and end up addicted to it by early teens. It should not be legal. I see no benefit to a parent allowing alcohol to be drank in their own home. In my eyes it is no different to allowing them to have a drag of a cigarette. I am not talking of a "sip" here. I am talking a decent size glass of wine. Probably enough to get her drunk.

OP posts:
happyland · 15/06/2010 21:17

YABU my five yr old has tasted it on a finger before. All about education at that age.

glasgowmandy · 15/06/2010 21:18

i cant believe howmany people let their children drink alcohol, its quite scary to be honest

smokinaces · 15/06/2010 21:19

booyhoo I drink, but dont need to get drunk. I have a good relationship with alcohol - can have a great night out on a few vodkas or glasses of wine but never get to the point of being sick, passing out or losing where I am.

Friends of mine however even in their late 20s binge drink to an extreme where they honestly dont remember how or when they got in or who with.

I was "exposed" to alcohol from a preteen. My friends werent. Hence why I see nothing wrong with children being taught how to respect and drink alcohol sensibly.

PuzzleRocks · 15/06/2010 21:19

I shall be taking the "in moderation with supper" approach.
It is how most people I know were raised. The exceptions are two peers whose parents were very strict about alcohol. Both have issues today, one quite severely.

Original poster
fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 21:21

activate - I see her taking the empties to our recycling bin every day.

I don't think any of you have realised the severity of the situation in which these children live. So it is okay for an alcoholic to give her child wine. I truly am
at this. Oh well, horses for courses and all that.

OP posts:
PuzzleRocks · 15/06/2010 21:21

But clearly FannyBanjo's neighbour is a different kettle of fish than a parent wishing to educate and demystify.
Poor children.

LilMagill · 15/06/2010 21:22

I come from a mediterranean family and there was usually a bottle of wine on the table at lunch. Us kids would sometimes try a little taste, though didn't really like it. We grew up seeing wine as part of a meal, not something to get tipsy on. Even our parents only had a little bit in their glass; it was just for the taste. Going into my teens, lots of my friends had parents who thought getting drunk was hilariously 'naughty' and those children were the ones who spent years drinking to get drunk like it was going out of fashion.

That said, your neighbours sound like twats. It doesn't exactly sound like they were sitting around with a bowl of spaghetti and a modest sip of the finest chateau de je ne sais quoi. So, YABU that is it outrageous just to give wine to a 9 year old, but probably YANBU about that situation.

Eglu · 15/06/2010 21:22

A lot of people have allowed their children to have wine me included, but we haven't said how often. In my case it is quite rare that DS has had a taste of it, and our reasoning is as booyhoo, we don't want to make it forbidden fruit and we want to instill in him sensible drinking, not getting blind drunk.

I omagine most of the posters on her who allow theis DC to drink wine aren't doing it every week.

Lulumaam · 15/06/2010 21:22

hi fannny

i think in a controlled way, in a 'normal' family life, a sip of wine is fine.

DS as you know is 10, and if we are having wine with dinner , he can take a sip, he would not have his own glass of it, even watered down, but he can have a taste. DD has had a taste and pronounced it disgusting and has never asked again.

i think in the chaotic and violent, volatile situation you describe, giving a 9 year old enough alcohol to make them drunk is wrong

allowing a sip with a meal is a different thing entirely

i do think that allowing children to see alcohol can be a normal thing, that it can be part of a civilised meal or you can have one drink and leave it at that, is a better example than denying it to them and making it some abnormal , shameful thing

hopalongdagger · 15/06/2010 21:22

That's the difference then, fannybanjo. In your example, the alcohol is apparently freely available and no one is teaching the DC how to drink it responsibly, of course this is an extremely bad thing.

What we're talking about is children being allowed alcohol in very small amounts so that they are introduced to it gradually and learn how to be responsible about it. It's a very different situation. If the law changed, the responsible parents couldn't teach children in their own way, while the completely irresponsible ones would still do exactly the same anyway*.

(*Disclaimer- I am not saying that those who choose not to give children alcohol are in any way irresponsible, thats just a parental choice, I'm talking about familes like the OP describes)

Lulumaam · 15/06/2010 21:23

i definitely don'/ think that an alcoholic giving her children alcohol, in quantities that could get them drunk is ok at all

not at all

EnglandAllenPoe · 15/06/2010 21:23

i drank wine with water in it at lunch with my GPs from 5years old. am not a raging alchie nor were my parents being irresponsible. i'm not sure it promotes a good attitude to alchohol, but i don't think it promotes a bad one.

am suprised how many people would find that shocking - it really isn't. it isn't illegal either.

though i doubt that's the kind of thing the OP was referring to.

glasgowmandy · 15/06/2010 21:24

fannybanjo think your right to be shocked i would be! dont think YABU in any way what so ever!

Original poster
fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 21:24

Puzzle - thank you - at least you have noticed that this is not a normal case of a child being given a "taster" of wine. These are neglected children. I had to sleep with an 11 year old girl who shook all night with fear.

OP posts:
Eglu · 15/06/2010 21:24

OP I don't think anybody is saying what your neighbour is doing is okay. However you don't actually know how much wine the child was given anyway.

glasgowmandy · 15/06/2010 21:25

does it matter how much wine she is giving her>> fact is that she is! thats bad enough! along with everything else she has been doing, its disgusting

Original poster
fannybanjo · 15/06/2010 21:27

Hi Lulu! Yes, you are responsible in your attitude towards drink as are probably most of the Mumsnetters on here. This mother isn't. HUGE difference! Suppose not my concern though is it. Can't change the world!

OP posts:
booyhoo · 15/06/2010 21:27

OP i answered in response to your question. the situation you describe is not a healthy family environment and so adding alcohol to the mix is definitely not going to be a good thing. i agree with you on that. but i dont think it is outrageous to give a 9 year old taste or a sip of wine at the table with a family meal, along with the guidance on how to drink sensibly.