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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to to think DH shouldn't return from a stag 'weekend' and immediately walk in and start cleaning the kitchen whilst huffing

86 replies

overlysentimental · 15/06/2010 06:12

DH has been away for 5 days with his mates, walked in at 8pm last night just as I was getting DCs to sleep. I had been at work all day.

I got a hug hello and the he immediately started tidying up (not his cases you understand) in a sighing 'where does this go' kind of way.

I became incandescent with rage whilst he just cleaned the sink claiming 'he wanted to get it over and done with so he could relax and eat his dinner).

He even marched into the living and found the only toy in their (a game DS had been playing before bath) and put that away.

No flowers, nothing. When I asked if he'd bought me a present he said he'd bought me a bottle of wine (one of the 6 he put in the cupboard)

So glad to have him bsck.

OP posts:
tortoiseonthehalfshell · 15/06/2010 06:16

Your husband came home, bringing half a dozen bottles of wine with him, hugged you hello, did the dishes and tidied up, and you're complaining?

TanteRose · 15/06/2010 06:18

Not sure what the huge problem is - he is cleaning and tidying up. He brought you back some wine.

Now what you need to do, is book 5 days away next month and go off with your mates.

Make sure you bring him back a present

Harimo · 15/06/2010 06:18

LMAO at tortoiseonthehalfshelf

HotSprocket · 15/06/2010 06:20

I'm guessing he was tired, you were tired, both a bit grumpy.
But you got a hug, a present and he tidied??
Lucky you!!
If my dp did that i would be delighted.

Original poster
overlysentimental · 15/06/2010 06:21

It wasn't a 'oh my beautiful wife, let me tidy up whilst you sit down' kind of tidying.

It was a 'the place is filthy how can you live like this' kind of tidying.

But maybe I should have been less defensive and just left him to it.

OP posts:
TanteRose · 15/06/2010 06:22

yes, just igonre the huffing- go and sit down with a cuppa and a book while he cleans. Its his choice.

TanteRose · 15/06/2010 06:23

ignore

Harimo · 15/06/2010 06:25

My husband looks like that at me everytime he walks in the house.

essenceofSES · 15/06/2010 06:25

I agree with the other replies - sounds quite good to me! I'd let him get on with it! Definitely preferable to him coming home, collapsing on the sofa complaining about his hangover / how tired he is and demanding his dinner!

mathanxiety · 15/06/2010 06:57

No, YANBU, not one little bit. My ex used to do this to me. It was a very unsubtle way of telling me I was useless at housekeeping, that he was such a martyr and saint to put up with me. I felt my turf was invaded and in a very judgemental way too.

It's horrible. You have my sympathy. Tell him to grow up and say whatever it is that's on his mind and stop playing silly games with you and throwing his weight around, drawing attention to himself, and putting you in a position of guessing what he's thinking or feeling.

I have felt your rage. You are married to a control freak.

zerominuszero · 15/06/2010 07:04

I think it's pretty unreasonable to expect flowers, not so sure about the rest of it, it depends on the circumstances really.

bluecardi · 15/06/2010 07:08

It's like he's complaining you didn't do your job properly when he was away & he has to sort everything out. yanbu.

compo · 15/06/2010 07:13

I would have said 'so lovely of you to clean dear, do feel free to pour me a glass of wine when you've finished and tell me all about your trip' and then swanned out into the lounge

TheJollyPirate · 15/06/2010 07:18

YANBU

Use parenting psychology and IGNORE the bad behaviour while praising the good "so lovely of you to bring me some wine dear and to wash up".

BeenBeta · 15/06/2010 07:35

Guilty concience. Pure and simple. That is what is happening here.

He has been away 5 days. Thinks he is going to get his head chewed off when he gets home. Decides to make it up to you by cleaning and tidying the minute he gets in while bracing himself. Probably tired and has a filthy headache too.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 15/06/2010 07:47

Cleaning? Such a rarity in our house, I'd probably just accept it with a large glass of wine!

TanteRose · 15/06/2010 07:50

Beta, but the guy is huffing and muttering while he is doing it...

I still say the OP should book a weekend (or longer) away and leave him to cope with kids and house etc. all on his own. That'll learn him.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/06/2010 07:52

Yes - I agree with BeenBeta - he knows 5 days away is a big asked. He has been rehearsing how to diffuse flack, and this is is half-baked attempt at doing so. He has not realised how potentially annoying it was.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/06/2010 07:53

big ask - not asked

MmeLindt · 15/06/2010 07:54

YANBU

It is the unspoken "Jesus, look at this place. I go away for a couple of days (that I deserved, cause I do SO much work around the house) and the place is like a tip when I get back"

Do what Compo said. Ignore the huffing and sit down with a book and a glass of wine.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/06/2010 07:54

or- if he does this a lot and was really huffing - then he is an arse

BeenBeta · 15/06/2010 07:55

He has got himself in a bad mood just thinking about being told off when he gets home.

The OP should defintley strike while the iron is hot here. All unreasonable requests from her will be met with full agreement.

[

Hullygully · 15/06/2010 07:58

He's an arse

anonymousbird · 15/06/2010 07:59

This happens to me most days when he gets back from work. On Sunday it was the muttering of "god only knows when the bloody toilet gets cleaned".. when i actually clean it every day (but hadn't on Saturday for once). Yesterday, it was a bucket of sand that is sitting out of the way, but needs disposing of and I just haven't got rid of it yet.

Our house is pretty much damned spotless, and each day he tries to find the one thing or area that has perhaps been missed or taken extra use or abuse and gives me a hard time about it, so you are entirely NBU. My DH recently came back from a two week trip away (business) and said "grief, what has been going on here, children running wild, place falling apart". When in fact, we were all completely "normal" but he had been travelling club class and staying in 5* hotels in peace and tranquility for two weeks.... oh, and the bath plug had broken (which means the whole place is falling apart..)

FabIsGettingFit · 15/06/2010 08:00

The cleaning is fine. The huffing is not.