Why is it that women go out of their way to make other women feel shit?

[Harimo]

Because, until we stop doing that, feminism / womens rights / equality are just mere words.

I've just spent most of the night awake (DS went to sleep at 4:05am... DD got up at 4:50am ) I feel and look like shit.

My Dh did not get up. Slept all night in the spare room 'because he has to go to work'

Now I have fed DD. DS is still fast asleep.

Just logged on to MN and there are so many threads along the lines of 'OMG!! SHE DIDN'T HAVE MAKE UP ON A SCHOOL RUN' (Now, OK, the OP was actually dissing the article) - but that had appeared in a national newspaper in 2010 FFS!!

Today, I will manage to feed, clothe, clean and play with two babies (DS is just 2YO and DD is coming up 11MO). I will ensure that they have activities which stimulate them physical and mentally (possibly moreso to ensure they sleep later ). I will clean the house and their clothes to make sure their environment is safe and happy.

I will do this without outside help and without a DH around (He works overseas Monday to Friday).

And yet, some sad female will prefer to comment on what I have chosen to wear (which will be clean and functional). It's not fucking sex in the city!!!!

Sorry, I have had no sleep and am probably rambling, but it makes me so mad that, as women, we overlook all the brilliant things we do and, instead, comment on whether or not we have had time to apply make up or do our hair.

And we say men never grow up

And don't tell me I am being unreasonable. I have had no sleep and could be dangerous!

Yanbu. I agree wholeheartedly.

Feel sorry for the sad twats who comment on others appearance they need to get a life.

You're gorg by the way

YANBU and not just because I fear you may batter me.

My DCs are older yet I am in a very similar position with "doing it all" and working. Whilst my DH is out of work.

What ever happened to sisterhood?

I'm not this morning.

I am haggarded. And I have just fed DD in the playroom so I can MN at the same time. Having sworn I would only ever feed them at the table!!

I'm hoping she doesn't remember! She is only 10MO ATM.

YANBU at all.

I hope you have a good day x

Look, if people are feeling weak and insecure, making someone else feel like shit will distract them.

And frankly, women are bloody easy to do that to - call them fat, critisize their grooming, their number of children, their SAHM/WOHM choices, their house ... there are a billion ways.

And unlike men, they're unlikely to punch you in the nose for it ...

YANBU, It is vile to comment on anothers appearance.

But what you are doing is probably making some other woman feel like shit by the way you say how happy contented, clean, tidy, well fed and stimulated you lo's will be today.

Some mums struggle with just one dc, and dont manage what you do. Not saying you mean to make anyone feel bad, but someone might not feel inadequate after reading that.

adequate I mean.

I hear you.

Have a good day, hope you get a nap in.

"There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." Madeline Albright.

tis very crap indeed.

sounds like you're keeping the whole shebang together.

I'm not saying what I do is better or worse than anyone else.

As I said in my OP, I MANAGE. I HAVE to.
The whole point is that it's NOT a competition.

What I am trying to do is to look at all the positive things I do each day. Lots of people will comment on the negatives.

I just think that mums... well, women, really, should give each other a break.

Coping with young kids... it's tough. and it doesn't need a Carrie bradshaw monolouge adding to it.

So why didn't daddy get up? You both had work in the morning.

Ooh, liking that quote McSnail.

YANBU I agree totally, I was up virtually all night with dd 3.3 years and feel like crap. As long as I look clean and presentable who CARES!!!! What sad people there are that go on about making an effort and putting your make up on and sunday best for the school run ffs, as if we are going to run into Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. Obviously got too much time on their hands and a nanny, housekeeper and maid to boot.

because, Hobbgoblin, men are better at remembering to include themselves in the priority list.

My DH has a tough week at work and called that card.

See, I reckon that's why men aren't in utter competition with each other. Men prioritise themselves. Women tend not to.

So, we expect more and more of ourselves instead of congratulating each other on all the major stuff we do.

YANBU.

I laughed at "it's not fucking sex in the city!!!" Too true.

I've had 3 hours sleep, DS is having his 4 month growth spurt and I look like crap today.

The idea of other women judging me as a slattern or lazy mum because my hair isn't done and my make-up is scant makes me so angry. I'd like to think that other women wouldn't be like that, but I know they would. I'm guilty of it too sometimes.

I think it's an insecurity we all have, but it's not nice.

Your absolutely right but men are equally capable of making women feel inadequate. obviously, this is not so apparent on a predominantly female 'chat' forum but I think in working life it is.

Mind you before I had my DS I did think motherhood in the early years would be a departure from the sometimes bitch politics of office life.....little did I realise it was actually going to be 10 times worse!

Well said, Harimo. Hope you manage to snatch at least a few minutes to yourself today. Remember CBeebies is not always evil

Sorry that should be 'You're' not 'your', know I would be judged for that to - broken sleep for 3 years here, that's my excuse.

YANBU. Have often wondered about this myself. Women tend to be our own worst enemies.

why are people getting so het up about the opinion of one woman/journalist??? She is not representing the whole of womankind, just one measly opinion

I just cannot beleive how het up people have got!

I think some people doth protest too much, stop posting here and go brush yer hair

That said OP, you have had a shit night and I hope your day gets alot better!!!!

I'm so glad my kids go to school on a bus .... I wave them goodbye at the door in my dressing gown at 8am and go back to bed for a bit.

I have a load of stuff to do today - tidying up, washing (after ds's cub camp - mud galore!), funding applications for work (that will take several hours - WHY am I on MN?), then an evening concert that dd1 is performing in, and dh works away all week (though this week he might coem home for the night on Wed).

But because I don't have to do the school run, I can do ALL this in my dressing gown with my hair unwashed and no makeup.

I will do mascara/lipstick for the concert, however!

I don't get why women are so critical of each other. I have long term depression/self esteem issues and have had extensive clinical psychology help - and know that anyone who needs to put another person down to feel good is dysfunctional.

I'm fat. Yes, FAT! Waaaaaay overweight. But I have nice eyes, fantastic hair, great skin. My dh thinks I'm gorgeous (well, at least he says that often enough to get regular sex ). We women need to learn to love ourselves, and each other!

Personally, I'm in the messy, no make-up camp. But I find it a bit strange that a thread agreeing with the original poster then includes posts slagging off those people do put on full makeup, calling them sad . Surely it's each to their own! If some are happy putting on full makeup, then so be it. As long as they don't judge those who don't, then fair enough... but surely equally those who don't bother shouldn't judge those who do!