Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not want to commit to dates for meet-ups/'playdates' in the summer holidays months in advance?

41 replies

NorbertDentressangle · 10/06/2010 20:49

The Mum of one of the DCs friends is trying to arrange dates for us to meet up over the summer hols -its 6-7 weeks away!

Neither of us work (me or the other Mum) so its not as though free days are limited. We're not talking 'big days out' either, just park/picnic/playing at home type things.

I tend to just play things by ear eg. if it looks like its going to be sunny the next day then plan a picnic, or if we haven't got much going on in the following week then plan stuff then...

Is it me that's odd by not wanting to book things 2 months beforehand? ?Do you plan things that far in advance?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 10/06/2010 20:54

I think its quite odd to plan a childs social life

MammyT · 10/06/2010 20:55

Not quite that far in advance but I do like to plan the odd thing in advance so we don't have weeks of nothing going on. A few days or even a week in advance is plenty.

However I have a friend who would agree in principle to meet on a given day and then would go awol - not respond to texts, calls etc - and would then randomly pop in another time. She absolutely HATES being pinned to a given day. I wonder if you are her??!

diamondsandtiaras · 10/06/2010 20:56

Personally I don't but I think I can see where she's coming from. I'm a sahm with a 2.3yo and 17wk old and I dread the school holidays........all I can see are endless weeks of no toddler groups/music classes etc etc stretching in front of me. I need to keep a full schedule for the sake of mine and DD1's sanity (she is a typical toddler who needs constant entertaining) and I find the sudden disappearance of the things with which I would normally fill my schedule pretty anxiety making tbh.......

SloanyPony · 10/06/2010 20:57

When I was a child my mother used to insist on things like sleepovers and going to people's houses, as it was called in those days, being arranged quite far in advance (couple of weeks or so) and would never let me accept any invites on a whim. Used to drive me mad...

So no, I take a more casual approach to it. I wouldn't particularly want to have things planned that far ahead though, not if there is no need. YANBU.

ZZZenAgain · 10/06/2010 20:57

6-7 weeks ahead! I couldn't do. I prefer to do things a bit more on the spur of the moment really

Original poster
NorbertDentressangle · 10/06/2010 20:59

MammyT -not guilty!!

No, I don't like to commit in advance partly because I wouldn't want to let anyone down and partly because I don't want be in a situation where something more exciting crops up at the last minute but I've already said "Yes" to someone else months and months ago which makes it seem doubly rude to cancel

OP posts:
Portofino · 10/06/2010 21:00

I have the school holidays totally planned out! No other mothers involved though.....

Original poster
NorbertDentressangle · 10/06/2010 21:01

Planned already Portofino

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 10/06/2010 21:02

how planned portofino?

dd is signed up to do 2 weeks of something and then we'll be away for 2 weeks but other than that, zilch is planned

compo · 10/06/2010 21:04

Some people are control freaks
they can't bear to wake up with a whole day with their kids stretching out before them
me, I love having nothing planned
the dcs need time to play together or on their own, to chill out, potter in the garden etc, and so do I !!

CuppaTeaJanice · 10/06/2010 21:05

The only time I would plan that far in advance is if there were several people meeting up. For example it's a nightmare trying to find a date for all six of my NCT group to meet, so we have to plan that months in advance.

But if there's only two of you, there's really no need.

ladysybil · 10/06/2010 21:05

a lot of people i know plan things like this, but its usually coz of holidays abroad and fitting things in between. but i personally just take it as a guide. ie, i may have down in my diary that we are going to the park with x on august 3rd, but on the days leading up to it and on the day itself, i will be quite flexible about it and do what feels right for us. its just good to have something semi planned

ZZZenAgain · 10/06/2010 21:05

I don't think it is bad, I just know I am too disorganised, lethargic to do it and I feel a bit tense at having to commit to going to the park on such and such a date 6 weeks in advance...

stupid perhaps

how do people get so organised, I cannot fathom it

honeymom · 10/06/2010 21:07

Sometimes the holidays can seem long and scary especially with nothing planned in, I used to Dread them, Maybe just ask to book it week by week,

Mine are nearly all planned in already, Because I hate not knowing and i'd end up doing nothing as I don't like to phone ppl up and say hey what are you doing today So i just wouldn't see anyone otherwise.

usualsuspect · 10/06/2010 21:09

When my dcs were small I used to love having nothing much to do in the holidays and letting them just play ...with the odd spontaneous trip thrown in

ExitPursuedByABear · 10/06/2010 21:10

I'm with Portofino - I even print off a schedule from my outlook calendar . But then I am a control freak. There are lots of free days and none of it involves other mums/children, just a general overall plan - 2 weeks holiday, 1 week activity camp, 2 weeks brother and family coming to stay, 3 days away with Dad, 3 days to stay with old friend etc. I do like a list.

Original poster
NorbertDentressangle · 10/06/2010 21:11

I feel reassured that I'm not being too unreasonable in finding it odd then.

Its not that I'm disorganised though, as I'm not.

I guess I just don't like being pinned down to what is essentially a casual thing that doesn't have any external factors that govern it (eg. not specific dates like you'd have for a theatre show or one-off event)

OP posts:
BeenBeta · 10/06/2010 21:13

Norbert - you are being deliberately targeted. Believe me, this mother is probably really looking for free childcare. That is why she is so anxious to 'book it in'. She is not looking for social occassions with you. I doubt she is planning to actually be at many of the playdates herself. Suddenly she will have an appointment that day but her DC could come over anyway so could you look after her?

Your reaction is correct. YANBU at all.

My extreme dislike of the whole playdate charade is well known to some on MN but this whole 'arranging' and 'booking in dates' just get my goat. A few years ago, a mother we knew had asked about a playdate. Wanting to be friendly, we invited her, her DH and her DD to come over for a drink a chat and bite to eat.

On the day they turned up they just pushed the DD into our house and announced they were going to buy a car and left without even leaving a phone number. They reappeared 4 hours later. Clearly a totally pre-planned way of duping us into providng free childcare. We were livid.

It happens before every holiday. It is so deliberate. DW was approached by someone yesterday looking to palm her DD off on us during the summer holidays. We send our DCs to camp every day of holiday because we work at home and never accept playdates during the week. We have friends and we invite them and their children at the weekend.

Just say no.

ZZZenAgain · 10/06/2010 21:18

oh drat, I've just realised that one week I have signed my dd up for, soemthing else she wants to do may be taking place.

So there you go, I should learn from the planners!

drat drat drat

usualsuspect · 10/06/2010 21:19

I wouldn't say no to my dcs having their friends round to play..and do you know what I would even look after them for free

Fayrazzled · 10/06/2010 21:21

I'd hate being pinned down so far in advance too so you're not being unreasonable.

I find the whole playdates with school friends a bit stressful. Most of the children are really fussy and I never know what to feed them. They seem to find all our toys boring and want constant entertaining from me (NOT the point- surely the idea is you're supposed to play together!) but more than anything I find the other mums flakey. The ones who book you in far in advance are the ones most likely to drop you at the last minute when they get a better offer or they "forget" or "double-book" you and then you'll left at a loose end having planned your day round them. I'd rather just play with my own kids and meet up with genuine family friends and their children. Bah humbug.

bibbitybobbityhat · 10/06/2010 21:21

Yanbu. People who plan in advance or plan to the nth degree really truly deeply irritate me. I like to live in the moment, man. Besides, planning days out for the summer holidays 7 weeks in advance just makes her look a bit desperate!

Original poster
NorbertDentressangle · 10/06/2010 21:21

BeenBeta, you said "She is not looking for social occasions with you"....oh but she is!

I've been accosted in the playground by her armed with her diary trying to arrange a night out months in advance.

I will tread carefully re:unpaid childcare though. Good tip.

OP posts:
MollieO · 10/06/2010 21:36

I have a spreadsheet with all 8 weeks of ds's summer planned. Every.single.weekday.

Eglu · 10/06/2010 21:44

A friend and I are organising in the next couple of weeks some dates when we are free in the school holidays to do things with our DC. But firstly, we are in Scotland and it's only 3 weeks until the end of term. Secondly, it is big thins we are organising. Whole day trips to attractions, that kind of thing.

Your friend is a bit pushy.

Swipe left for the next trending thread