to wonder why people give their child a name then don't use it?

[LordVolAuVent]

A different thread reminded me of this but I've always wondered it.

My name is a "diminuitive", my parents didn't like the long version and knew they would never use it. I think this is quite sensible, but people often don't believe that it's my real name, even call me by the long version and wonder why I don't respond (which occasionally vexes me, but I understand why, because it's fairly unusual it seems).

So, I wonder, why do people name their kids a name like Katherine or Rebecca but never actually use it, always use the diminuitives? I understand if it's a family name or something, but perhaps you don't really like it. I also understand that short names and nicknames do come about (my neighbours for example called their DD Rebecca and I'm pretty sure her school friends call her Becky, but her parents have only ever called her Rebecca - because that's the name they chose and liked) but I also know a lot of people who called their child something and immediately used a diminuitive. Why bother?

Is it that they don't think it's a "real name"?

(not meaning to be arsey, genuinely wondering)

LordVolAuVent, if you mean my thread , the reason is:
We christened DD her real name, we love it and that's what we were calling her. However, DS was 15 months old at the time and couldn't say it properly, or at all in fact, and starting calling her a mumbled version of it. Which stuck. And now we all call her by that, which we love.
She still gets called her real name by some people who don't see her all the time,eg Grandparents, cousins.
It's funny how her nickname really suits her now though, so much better than her real name.

Our dd has a lovely name, but it is seldom used. We tend to call her Bobbins or Bobs or cake for some reason. She has three names before her surname and still gets muddled with her second and she is 9. OTOH, she doesn't really need to write it down often so it's OK.

DS2 has a name that could be regarded as a diminutive version of another name, and my initial thought was that we should give him the other name as his real one so that he had a more 'grown up' sounding name to use if he so wished. But DH reasoned that he liked the diminutive name, and if that was what we were going to call him, then that should be his name. I figured that made sense, so he has the diminutive name as his proper name. As time goes by, I see the two names as really quite different, so I am glad to have opted to give him the name by which we call him as his proper name.

On the issue of being known by middle name, I recall a time when a colleague of mine was going on a cheap weekend trip with some friends, one of whom was organising the flights. The problem that none of them thought of was that colleague (known to all as M which is her middle name) is in fact C-M on her passport, so her tickets were invalid. Her cheapy weekend turned into major expensive logistical headache as she sought to change the tickets to her proper name. So, beware to any of you who have chosen to name your kids by their middle name, as this could be an issue for them in years to come!

Prince Harry is referred to as Prince Harry because historically English Kings called Henry were called Harry by the the general population.

It is simply a tradition that has been going on for hundreds and hundreds of years and I have no idea why the Op thinks it is remotely controversial.

The same is true of many other, less royal, names. For a long time people have understood that a woman called Peggy by those close to her is really called Margaret, Tom is Thomas and Jack is really John. Giving people pet names as their formal names has gained in popularity recently.

So the OP is asking a bit of an odd question. People give their children a different pet name from their real name because it is traditional - we've done it for a really long time. I suppose some people are no longer doing it because they are taking a more informal approach to life - pet names on a birth certificate or cv are the name equivalent of casual dress at work I suppose.

Our DD is Isabella but DH only really likes Izzy so she is called that about 80% of the time, I love her full name so use it more.

My DS is called Leo and that is what is on his birth C as i didnt like the longer version sounds so posh, which we are defo not

I think things will change a lot in the next twenty years. Very few people make the link between John and Jack anymore. I know a lot of Charlies from a wild variety of social backgrounds who were not named Charles.

I think also that some diminutives stand alone better than others eg Sam Ben Tom Joe Milly Kate Peggy Meg. And of that list I know a few who have had one of those diminutive only who are in their twenties and thirties so its not that new.

I always worry about peoples prejudices around names having had a friend who was temping in a job where the boss told her to bin CVs where the names were too "ethnic".

Both my parents were known only by their middle names and diminutives of those.One was down to family tradition but the other was most odd. My husband hates his long name which has never been used but probably his parents were following catholic tradition. I called my second son a diminutive because I hate all the long versions and doubt it will affect his long term job prospects.

I don't get this either tbh. We chose a name for DS and it has always been used just as it's written down on his birth certificate otherwise what is the point.

DH has a name he was called after his grandfather (on Birth Certificate) yet it's never used and he uses a different name to be referred to in every day life. I asked what were his parents thinking. Why not just call someone by the name they gave them at birth?

I was always jealous of the kids with nicknames when I was a child. My full name doesn't give any real nickname options.

Both of my children have long names with lots and lots of options for nicknames. DS gets called a diminutive of his name most of the time and DD gets her full name. It's what suits them. If they want to change to one of the other options when they're older, then they can.

I don't understand this nonsense either.

I understand that in generations gone by, it was thought that you needed a formal name for a job application form or to acheive a place of high status.

But in this day and age I don't see why this is relevant. Presumably Ed Balls and Ed Milliband have the 'formal' name Edward on thier birth certificate but do not think they need to use it even though they could both be potentially prime minister. So if a potential prime minister doesn't feel the need for a formal name why do some people think its so important?

Also if you are known as Ted all your life, how would receving a glass plaque with Edward on it feel? Would it actually feel like it belongs to you?

I am not against nn's btw, natural nn's are part of everyday life. I just don't understand the need for a 'formal' name that will never be used.

A very outdated way of thinking IMO.

Most people who have a formal name and an informal name are only known by the informal name by those who they know informally. There are obviously exceptions to that rule - Tony Blair, but not everybody wants to be called an informal name by an employer/nurse/call centre worker. It is just a function of separating our personal and public lives.

Having two or more variations on a name gives people that opportunity.

I like having a formal name and an informal name. My friends and family call me , it's a nickname but I don't invite people at work (clients etc) to use it, because I don't want them to call me that, it's too personal.

But Ed Balls and Ed Milliband have been able to choose the name they are known as. I currently choose to call my daughters Libby, Ella and Katy rather than their formal names of Elizabeth, Eleanor and Katherine. Maybe in the future they will prefer to be known as Beth, Nell and Thea.

I specifically gave them names which provide scope for diminutives. Possibly because I did not have that choice with my own name?

I do not have that scope with my name either. There is no variation to my name. Why would I want there to be? Its my name

Pet nn's are different, we are talking about people who choose to call their child by a name which is different to the name on their BC from the day they are born - why?

It makes no sense.

Unfortunately my name was shared with about six others in my year group and I have always hated it.

i have a stupid double barreled name.. only my gran ever used it, sometimes i forget when filling forms out and dont put it on lol

I didn't particularly like DS2s full name, but he does!

I do find it odd too - our DS is Theo as we didn't like Theodore or Theobald and would never have called him by the long version.

If you always use the diminutive, and it sticks all the way through school, work etc, then I find it strange why you'd want doctors or other "officials" to use the other name.

Like on your wedding day, the offical saying "Do you, Theodore Bloggs take Jane Smith etc" when you're never know as Theodore would just be weird.

I thought I thought one thing but in fact it's not true at all.
My name has no diminutive which I hated as a kid (still don't like the name but over trying to change it!) but
DD1 is Kate (not Katherine)
DD2 and DS are b/g twins who have unisex shortened names, so that causes some confusion. They both have 3/4 syllable 'proper' names for when they've been naughty.
And, I know a woman who I only know as Nancy. turns out her brother and many others call her Mary. go figure.

I know quite a few people whose family and friends all refer to them by their middle name. All of them have said that their parents aways intended to do this . So it puzzles me as to why they bothered with the first name at all.

my brother has a proper name and a common name, but he prefers the longer version.
[example, everyone automatically calls him Tom even though he prefers Thomas]
but his name is a name that you would NEVER say the full length version and would never think to, and it drives me up the wall that hes such a ponce about it [i shorten it as much as possible, because im his sister and i was put on the planet to annoy him]

my dad is known by his middle name, and his cousin is too.

my DD has a name that could have various nicknames, and shes changed the one she uses from when she was a child. [she changed it when she was 13]

DS is known by the shortened version and has the long version for 'official' purposes.

i dont really know why this would bother you OP. i know lots of people who hate their names and have names like Cheryl, Sharon etc which are very hard to shorten or change, so its nice people use their middle names or different names. its just a nice interesting fact when you find out its not their real name!