to wonder why people give their child a name then don't use it?

[LordVolAuVent]

A different thread reminded me of this but I've always wondered it.

My name is a "diminuitive", my parents didn't like the long version and knew they would never use it. I think this is quite sensible, but people often don't believe that it's my real name, even call me by the long version and wonder why I don't respond (which occasionally vexes me, but I understand why, because it's fairly unusual it seems).

So, I wonder, why do people name their kids a name like Katherine or Rebecca but never actually use it, always use the diminuitives? I understand if it's a family name or something, but perhaps you don't really like it. I also understand that short names and nicknames do come about (my neighbours for example called their DD Rebecca and I'm pretty sure her school friends call her Becky, but her parents have only ever called her Rebecca - because that's the name they chose and liked) but I also know a lot of people who called their child something and immediately used a diminuitive. Why bother?

Is it that they don't think it's a "real name"?

(not meaning to be arsey, genuinely wondering)

Both my boys are generally known by the diminutives of their 'formal' registered birth names....although DS1 does write his 'full' name in certain situations! As others have already said, we chose the names because we (a) liked them and (b) wanted them to have the option of using either the full name or the diminutive as an adult. Both DH and I have very short names which you can't do anything with whatsoever so I think we were attracted to the idea of giving our children a bit more variety!

I know, lifeissweet, it's a rubbish stage name. I would go for something like Flash or Jonty.

withorwithoutyou - I don't personally understand why you would call a child a name you had no intention of using, as my OP said(or didn't - I understand some of the posters' choices and that has made it clearer. I also mentioned the family name thing in my OP). Of course if you simply just want to, you can, I have no problem with it, I was just wondering.
Your arguments go for calling a child by its middle name too, which you apparently don't get, so why the problem with my question?

We registered DS with his full name and from the start said he would be known as the more casual version. That is just it - it is more casual. He has the choice to be formal - or even shorter when he is older. Of course it makes sense. I, on the otherhand, HATE it when people assume I have a shorter name i.e. Jo - I am always known as Joanna by my own choice.

I wanted to call ds1 by the name we had given him. By his full name. But my in-laws put me under great pressure to use one particular diminutive. They wouldn't even let me use a slghtly different diminutive that I liked. Unfortunately dh agreed with them over the nickname I wanted to use, and didn't even notice what was happening to ds's name.

I resented that. My child, my choice of name. None of their business!

With subsequent dc I held my ground and we use their full names. I have even got my prefered nickname for the youngest established - against my IL's wishes - by recruiting the elder dc. In his early weeks I used ds2's full name all the time, except when I was alone with the other dc. So when they started calling him by the nickname I like and the IL's dislike, I could present it as out of anybody's control. Within a few months they, too, were using ds2's full name and my prefered nicknames.

I have a Katie (our preferred name) who is Katherine on her documents so that she can have a serious name if she wants at a later date. We call her Katie or K. Next year when she goes to school she has announced she wants to be called Katherine by the teachers.
DP and his brother have names that are often shortened yet they both use their full names.
DD is Alex to her friends and teachers but Al to us, we don't mind as long as no-one calls her Ally.
I could go on, most of my relatives and in laws don't use their registered names.

Like bibbity I have a 3 syllable first name which is quite formal and has always been shortened. But my parents had a friend with the same name so I think the shortened form helped distinguish child from adult. Never use the long form except to fill in forms (when I invariably run out of the little boxes because my middle and surnames are equally as long!!). My mum is known by her middle name because her first name is truly dreadful (Thelma!) and it was also her mother's name. Thinking of calling our son by his middle name because since choosing it we are actually beginning to prefer it (he is only 8 mnths).

Both my DDs have names with nicknames. As a person who hates her own name, I am thankful that I have options .

I believe that whilst we choose the names for our offspring, we do not have to live with them and suffer the consequences of that choice. So, if I named my daughter Anne, for example, they would have little choice but to be called Anne, whether they liked the name or not.

However, I have given both my daughters a name that has at least 5 options (the full name + nicknames), so if they do not like the names they have been given, they have got a choice, an alternative or four!

As it turns out, DD1 was known by a nickname, but then decided she preferred her full name and she is now called her full name. DD2 was also called a nickname, but then chose another nickname and she is now called that.

I guess to me, it is more important that my child likes her name, so I chose a name that they could choose something different (revert to the full name, or choose an alternative nickname) should they desire.

I named my DD Catherine and she mainly got called the full version of her name and until she decided in her teens she wanted to be Cat. It took a while but she is Cat to everyone now. I cannot see any problem with parents choosing a nickname that perhaps better reflects their childs personality.

When you name a baby they may seem like an Elizabeth but very soon you may feel Lizzie or Beth suit them better. In the great scheme of things its a bit of a non problem isn't it?

Going back to the first name/middle name thing, my db had real problems pronouncing his first name growing up, which lead to serious bullying. When we changed schools (forces family) and my parents realised the issue they suggested he became known by his middle name, and this stuck... until he joined a (first aid) group as an adult who persisted in calling him his first name. So now his family call him one name, his friends and colleagues call him another and his poor wife was totally confused when she met us and discovered he was also known by something other than the name she knew him by.

It's not remotely a problem annielouisa, I was merely wondering. Didn't realise you were only allowed to post about life threatening events .

Anyway, thanks for your replies, I guess the "choices" reason does make sense, although I'm bemused as to why people think a Katie or Tom couldn't be a professional! I totally understand how short names just happen - my own name has been shortened again by lots of people through my life, even though it's already a short version! I meant more the people who never intend the full name to be used (except perhaps when naughtiness has occurred, as people said!)I think maybe it is partly a traditional thing (as one poster pointed out), the idea that unless it's the full name, it's not a proper name and therefore the person will be impeded in life - maybe it will change with time, maybe not.

FWIW I agree with the choice thing, that's partly why I'm a fan of middle names. My DS has a (very?) unusual non-English first name, but a more traditional (and family) middle name, part of our thinking was that if he ended up hating his 1st name, he could use his middle name, but we always intended to use his first name til he said otherwise. I would hope he wouldn't be discriminated against in the professional world later on, but maybe that's naive of me. (However, I have never felt that I have been with my "baby name"!)

Entirely up to the parents, as far as I'm concerned you can call your kids whatever you want, was simply interested as to the thinking behind it.

I named dd Bethany after hearing it on a US tv programme. Thought it was lovely.

She now gets Beth or Bethie as round these parts Bethany has become a bit of a....erm....how do I say this....name synonymous with chavs.

Sorry, don't want to offend anyone with my wording, but didn't know how else to put it

Mine both have traditional names but DD is called the shortened version by everyone and DS is called the full version by family and the shortened version by everyone else.

I don't really like it when children are given informal names like Harry or Alfie on their birth certificates. I think it is better to have a formal name and then the child, when adult, has the option of choosing who does or does not call them by their informal name. DS's name can be shortened in at least 5 ways, which gives him a choice, and DD in at least 4 ways.

I would think it was peculiar if I saw someone's name as Harry or Lizzie on a cv, but I am sure it seems quite normal to some people.

I'm the opposite - I've been known by my full name to everyone, friends, parents, boyfriends, and I prefer it. So it drives me up the wall when people I've barely met automatically shorten it. Especially people I deal with through work. The thing is, there's no way to tell people you actually prefer being called XXX than X without sounding like a right arse.

Friend of mine is called Ronald James, as it's a family name, but understandably goes by James.

If you were looking at a pile of CVs though wouldn't you make an involunatry judgement about a 'Jimmy' 'Nikki' or Becky as opposed to James, Nicola and Rebecca

haha - oh don't say that oldandgrey - I'm just hoping that by the time DS1 is sending CV's off he's reverted back to his full name............as right now he signs EVERYTHING as "Taffy"

ditto everything ScreamingEagle said!!

with DS1 we preferred the shortened version of his name from the beginning but there was no way I would put it on his birth certificate, like others have said I want him to have a 'proper' name for the future, and it would just look wrong on his birth certificate!

with DS2 however we stuck with Freddie on his birth certificate - figured that as our surname has 12 letters and rhymes with ticklemouse Frederick would be a bit much, plus he could always change to Fred!

It's keeping their options open - I generally check when I'm doing registers if I come across something like a Thomas, Samuel or Joshua if they're a Thomas or a Tom for example. Seems the sensible option for things really since that gorgeous little 4 year old will be a grown person one day - give them something that they can switch to to be known as professionally if they need to be taken seriously. Also handy for calling them if you're really annoyed with them (add in middle names and surnames if really really annoyed too)!

Mine's unshortenable (can't do much with three letters) but I was desperate for one which could be made into a nickname when I was a kid and never had one!

As for the middle names as first names - my ex was called John Paul, the whole family knew him as Paul, but work and school had always called him John because he was too shy to correct them on his first day - he insisted it worked out awesomely because if anyone rang up asking if John was in, he knew it was work wanting him to come in to do more work and he could pretend not to be in!

My eldest son has never had his name shortened, when he was born everyone tried but I kept correcting them and within a few weeks it came automatically.

My youngest has a long name but is always referred to by the shorter version, I only used the 'long' version because it went better with the middle name we had chosen.

My grandfather was Henry, but everyone called him Harry - so we chose Henry as one of DS's middle names.

DD has a pretty common name, and I hate it when people use the short version - she's not even 3! If she wants to use the nickname when she's older, fine, but it has to be her choice.

This may be because of what you said OP - my parents called me Danielle, but always called me Dani. I used to like this, being a tomboy, but I rebelled a bit and some people started calling me Ellie, which I loved at the time. Now only my stepkids and college friends and DH call me Ellie (it was so weird for DH calling me Danielle in the wedding vows!) - all my post college (i.e mummy) friends call me Danielle.

Because Lex and Lexi is cute to Mummy, but Alexander looks a whole lot better on a job application?

I think nit is weird when people do the opposite and only use the nickname, yes its cute on a baby/toddler but not so much when they want to be taken seriously later.

We use the Prime Minister/CEO test for names.

We a diminuitive for DD2 mainly because DD1 can't say the full name tbh! Although the diminuitive does sound more like a cutesy name than a grown-up name IYSWIM. When she is older she will be able to decide what she wants to be called.

I said Henry was a family name in response to you asking why Prince Harry is called Henry!!! So I don't understand why you don't understand that, given that you'd put it in your OP!

For all you know he gets called Henry by some people in his family.

My DS is named after DH's (deceased) grandfather - we use a shortened version, and DS does not like anyone using the long version which is lucky, as I don't like it either. DH doesn't mind at all, as officially DS has his grandfathers name.

Others because they think their DC when older might want the option of using the more formal name.

My sister started reception and announced to teacher that now she was "grown up" she wanted them to use the long version and the short version was never used again!

Prince Harry - I remember at the time its because Royal babies can only be given certain names like Henry, William, George, etc