AIBU to not want to leave teenagers in charge of my 7m old baby?

[Claire673]

We have several family members on each side of the family who are aged 12-14 (girls) and they all want to take DS out for a walk, both my OH and I don't want children to be in sole charge of him so we say no.

My OHs side of the family are fine with that but my side are taking it to mean that I think their kids are irresponsible and I am being a bit unreasonable as 'they babysat and took the neighbours babies walks when they were 13/14'. I just don't want little girls taking my baby out without adults there and as he is mine I feel I should be able to feel that way without sarky little remarks from my family.

So please give it to me straight, AIBU and a little bit too precious?

So perishes the extended family. RIP.

Are you on the wind-up, seeker? Presumably the OPs family are involved with her baby and love him dearly. Why do they have to be alone with him in order to be part of the extended family?

I didn't babysit any of my many nephews until they were toddling - it hardly makes them less of a family.

thesecondcoming - you are not being remotely precious regarding the 7yo. Wouldn't have entered my head to leave one baby in a 7yo charge, let alone twins.

No I am not on the wind up. I just think that in families older ones look after younger ones - and to say to a 14 year old "I don't trust you to take you 7 month old cousin for a walk down the street in his push chair' says something very sad about the way the generations interact.

My two older DDs and DS all babysat from age 13 on, for babies and children of all ages. DD2's best babysitting gig is a family of 6 children; the youngest was a few months old when she first started with them. She also did 'mothers' helper' jobs when she was about 11 and 12, as did DD1.

Having no family anywhere near, I got over my worries about teenagers babysitting when my DCs were all small. They were cheerful and friendly and needed the money. No, it's not the same as leaving them with s family member for a few hours, but I looked on it as a learning experience that was good for me.

But the OP hasn't asked for any babysitting! Presumably she either doesn't want any, or has it covered elsewhere.

Nobody has any automatic right to take other people's kids out without them, regardless of their age.

Why should the OP accept an offer she doesn't need or want? No doubt she'll be delighted of babysitting services in years to come but just now she has a wee baby she's probably quite happy to care for herself.

14 year olds don't have to be given everything they ask for - I'm sure they've heard the odd polite 'no thanks' before.

Thanks MorrisZapp, I'm not going to be pressured into it, no way am I going to allow them to take him out and worry the whole time, that is my stance and I'm sticking to it.

Seeker - if you have bothered to read the rest on my posts in this thread I've already explained they spend a lot of time with my DS with and without me, the only thing I don't allow is for them to take him out by themselves. I don't trust a 14 year old and her friends with my baby, nothing sad about it, you don't know the 14 year old and it is pretty stupid to say that every 14 year old is trustworthy and sensible.

My mum or my auntie (whos children it is we are talking about here, so they do get to spend loads of time with him) does the majority of babysitting or my DS's auntie on my OHs side of the family. All adults.

On the subject of 7 year olds taking babies out, I certainly did!

I'm six years older than my younger sister so would have had that exact age arrangement. I regularly took her round the block in her pushchair. When she was a toddler I would take her hand in hand to the local shops, probably 1/3 of a mile away.

Admittedly we once had a hairy incident when she had a tantrum and tried to pull my hair out when I was holding her. We both survived though.

Do you get to decapitate the 14 year old if anything goes wrong?
Or turn her into a throw rug?
I've always been comfortable with the despotic regime I run. Only room for one dictator at the top. So if I wasn't sure about someone being responsible, I'd just say no and ignore the sarky comments.

I have a Great Aunt who lost a child through a young girl lifting him out his pram and dropping him while taking him for a walk, this was many moons ago but I have alway's remembered it so NO I WOULDN'T let any teenager take a child out as the temptation is alway's too much for them where a baby is concerned to lift it out the pram to play.

so Op, next time your sil/sister asks, are you going to have th guts to tell her the REAL reason - like your OP says "my side are taking it to mean that I think their kids are irresponsible", which is true. that is the real reason. you do think the girl is irresponsible.
i bet you don't tell them the truth.

So once, a long time ago, a child dropped a baby. And that means that teenagers can't be trusted with babies? How many adults have dropped babies in their time?

I think it depends on the teenager. We have a babysitter who is 16 yrs old (nearly 17) and I would trust her with my DS (nearly 1) over most adults. She is really responsible and absolutely adores children.

I wouldn't leave her with him for ages - but then I wouldn't do that with anyone.

I've already told my sil that I think 14 year olds are not mature enough to take my ds out, she agrees with me, my OH family agree with me they aren't the issue.

The issue is my auntie, the kids we are taking about are my DS's second cousins and she also know my feelings on kids taking my baby out and thinks IABU hence the reason I made this thread. I don't think my little cousin is irresponsible as such, I think her and her friends are just a bit too immature to be in sole charge of my baby, and I've said that from the start.

You are quite right to do what is right for you and your baby - everyone has their own comfort zone on these matters. You are responsible for your baby and as such you should (and are entitled to) make the decisions on his care. No need to justify this to anyone.

seeker, I didn't say teenagers could not be trusted I said temptation was too much for them but as Booper said everyone has their ow comfort zone and don't need to justify to anyone

I agree that teenagers- boys as well as girls- can be the best of babysitters.If they express an interest in your DS they are likely to adore him and protect him with their whole being, in other societies they'd be parents themselves by now!
BUT, until I became a parent of teenagers I felt exactly like you, and now blush to remember hiding behind the hedge in our small village park when my 16(!) year old niece- now a highly skilled graduate-pushed my one yr old on the swing.
If it helps why not offer to pay for a Red Cross or similar 'confident babysitting' course.It is something like 2x 3 hours, costing arond £20 and our local college holds them twice a year.Not only may it put your mind at rest,but to 'sell' it to your family
my older son and daughter have found it useful to put on their CV for work experience, and can charge,non family members(!), a bit more for babysitting having a 'qualification'