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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to leave teenagers in charge of my 7m old baby?

94 replies

Claire673 · 07/06/2010 09:52

We have several family members on each side of the family who are aged 12-14 (girls) and they all want to take DS out for a walk, both my OH and I don't want children to be in sole charge of him so we say no.

My OHs side of the family are fine with that but my side are taking it to mean that I think their kids are irresponsible and I am being a bit unreasonable as 'they babysat and took the neighbours babies walks when they were 13/14'. I just don't want little girls taking my baby out without adults there and as he is mine I feel I should be able to feel that way without sarky little remarks from my family.

So please give it to me straight, AIBU and a little bit too precious?

OP posts:

GeekOfTheWeek · 07/06/2010 09:54

YANBU

thesecondcoming · 07/06/2010 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocolatePants · 07/06/2010 09:57

I loved looking after my nephews and neices when I was that age, amd I was very sensible.
Depends on the children I guess.

Perhaps you are being a bit precious, but if it's a first child, we've all done that so at the end of the day it's up to you!

mistressploppy · 07/06/2010 09:59

YANBU - I'm in the same situation and I'm afraid I sidestepped the issue by exaggerating DS's reflux (it's practically gone) as a medical thing that needs special help! Teenagers don't like puke!

Totally understandable. Could you just say something like 'I know it's a bit silly but I'd worry; sorry! Maybe when he's a bit older??'

Booper13 · 07/06/2010 09:59

YANBU - I also have a 7 month old and there is no way i would allow other kids to be in sole charge of him. It doesn't mean that you think they are irresponsible, just that 12/13 year olds are capable of different things than adults (mothers). This is your prerogative and you have to consider how you would feel if something happened. Your family should respect your decision on this. Can the girls get involved in baby care activities with you - bath/feeding/playing/reading etc?

notso · 07/06/2010 10:02

It's your baby so your rules, so they should just accept that, however I can't see the harm in them taking him for a short walk in the pram for half an hour.
Especially the 14 year old, I know a fantastic 14 year old Mum.

seeker · 07/06/2010 10:03

So long as they aren't going far or on busy roads, then yes, I do think you are being a bit precious, I'm afraid. Teengage baby obsessed girls are the best baby sitters ever.

iwasyoungonce · 07/06/2010 10:03

YANBU. I have an 8 month old and wouldn't be happy with this Chances are it would be fine, but that's not the point. You would feel worried and uncomfortable - so why put yourself through it? Completely your perogative.

Fayrazzled · 07/06/2010 10:07

I think a teenage girl aged 13-14 is MORE than capable of taking a baby for a walk safely.

What exactly are you worried will be happen?

Original poster

Claire673 · 07/06/2010 10:11

Thanks for the replies. Yes he is my first so I guess I don't know if it's normal to feel like this and if I'm maybe being a bit possessive. The girls do get involved (they are my little cousins) My auntie takes DS out for the day and I even let him go to her house for a few hours so the kids do get to spend a lot of time with him, and they are very good with him. The girls themselves don't seem too bothered by me telling them they can spend time with him in the company of adults but I's rather they didn't take him out.... it's the adults in my family (esp their mum) who have the issue with it. I also recently found out my auntie left DS in the room by himself with her 10 year old for a good 20 mins which nobody seems to have a problem with.

I guess I need to be a bit firmer and tell them my baby. My rules. Like it or lump it.

OP posts:

misdee · 07/06/2010 10:13

'I also recently found out my auntie left DS in the room by himself with her 10 year old for a good 20 mins which nobody seems to have a problem with'

i wouldnt have a problem with that either

maryz · 07/06/2010 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Claire673 · 07/06/2010 10:15

Fayrazzled - I don't know what exactly it is that worries me but I just know I would be worried the whole time they were out. I guess it's their friends who I don't really know as well as the worry they might take him out of his pram, he might get hurt. The girls are very good with DS but they still aren't very mature. lol reading it back it all does sound a little precious but I can't help how I feel.

OP posts:

maryz · 07/06/2010 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ruckyrunt · 07/06/2010 10:17

at 10 years old I used to take my cousins ds for a walk around the block, it was rather nice pushing a large carriage pram and it was a big block but his mum my cousin knew wehere we both where and it gave her a break.

besides she had done the same with me but for longer walks when i was a baby as she is 12 years older than me.

nothing bad happened to him and he has his own two beauties now

seeker · 07/06/2010 10:20

"I also recently found out my auntie left DS in the room by himself with her 10 year old for a good 20 mins which nobody seems to have a problem with."

What's the problem with this?

I do think it's inportant to remember when people are saying "My baby, my rules" that the baby also belongs to his or her wider extended family - "it takes a village to raise a child".

I have a 14 year old - she is more than capable of looking after a 7 month old for a few hours - she looked after my friend's newbor for an afternoon recently, including nappy changes and bottles.

purits · 07/06/2010 10:24

Is it troll=time again?

"I also recently found out my auntie left DS in the room by himself with her 10 year old for a good 20 mins which nobody seems to have a problem with."

For goodness sake, listen to yourself!

Original poster

Claire673 · 07/06/2010 10:26

maryz - Not planning another one, had a traumatic time when DS was born (hospitalised for 2 months and had to have heart surgery) couldn't potentially go through that again.

Seeker - OK IABU about the 10 year old, DS came to no harm so I know that is my issue. The 14 year old cousin is good with him but I don't think she is mature enough yet to be in charge of a baby, some 14 year olds might but I don't think she is.

OP posts:

WidowWadman · 07/06/2010 10:31

Seriously, WTF? At I've regularly babysat my sister's and her friend's children from the age of 13.

lynnexxxo · 07/06/2010 10:37

Oh dear,

I let my 7 year old neighbours take my 1 yr old twins a walk in their buggy. Assuming that they are not getting the child out the buggy then I don't see there being a problem ?

ImSoNotTelling · 07/06/2010 10:39

Well personally I would be happy for 10 yo to be with baby in a room for 20 mins (or longer if I could get away with it ).

And although I have little experience of 12-14 yo girls and can't remember beign one, my friends children who are 10/11 seem very densible so I would imagine if these ones are like them then by 12/14 I would be more than happy to have them take the baby for a walk in teh pushchair. Round the block or up to the shop or something. Fine.

However having said all that, it's your baby and you do what you think best, there is no point saying yes because we say so and then spending half an hour beside yourself with panic.

I don't think you can tell your relative to be in the room with the baby at all times though, when they are looking after the baby.

seeker · 07/06/2010 10:43

"The 14 year old cousin is good with him but I don't think she is mature enough yet to be in charge of a baby, some 14 year olds might but I don't think she is."

What do you think mught happen?

Clary · 07/06/2010 10:44

Claire I must agree that while I understand how you feel, you are being a bit precious.

I am sorry but that bit about your apparent shock at a baby being left in a room with a 10yo took the biscuit.

Do you never leave DS alone in a room? If you had an older child I am sure you would leave them alone together?

I wonder if you need for your own sanity to step back a bit. Also agree about keeping family and teenagers on side for future use !

biddysmama · 07/06/2010 10:45

my sister is 17 and i wouldnt let her take 15 month old dd out... in fact i wouldnt let her take my 8 year old out becasue she has absolutely no sense whatsoever...

mrspir8 · 07/06/2010 10:47

My babysitter is 14. She is a very mature sensible girl, who has a huge family and lots of experience with babies though. She lives about 6 doors away and I let her sit for us. At first all i did was to suggest if she wanted to spend time with baby that she should come play with her the house or garden for half hour while I can potter and get the tea on. I was also supervising her and found her to be an excellent help. After a few sessions of this she babysat for the first time.

But I would not do that if her Mum were not up the road and fully informed.

I think maybe you are being a little over protective but I do see your point.

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