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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to leave teenagers in charge of my 7m old baby?

94 replies

Claire673 · 07/06/2010 09:52

We have several family members on each side of the family who are aged 12-14 (girls) and they all want to take DS out for a walk, both my OH and I don't want children to be in sole charge of him so we say no.

My OHs side of the family are fine with that but my side are taking it to mean that I think their kids are irresponsible and I am being a bit unreasonable as 'they babysat and took the neighbours babies walks when they were 13/14'. I just don't want little girls taking my baby out without adults there and as he is mine I feel I should be able to feel that way without sarky little remarks from my family.

So please give it to me straight, AIBU and a little bit too precious?

OP posts:
ChunkyChick · 07/06/2010 13:25

And I respectfully disagree back, Oblomov. There is a time for debating the validity of one's reactions, but there is also a time to stand by the courage of one's convictions. And this, I believe, is for the OP such a time.

Original poster
Claire673 · 07/06/2010 13:28

Oblomov - I wouldn't say I'm overly anxious, I don't spend 24/7 with my DS, I'm fine for family members to take him away for the day and I don't worry about it and when he is a bit older I'll be happy for older teenagers to take him out, I let the girls push the pram when we are out and they feed him and pick him up etc without me worrying. I just don't want them alone and away from home with him, potentially taking him out of his pram, crossing busy roads, allowing her friends to pick him up etc, as I've said she isn't the most mature 14 year old, she can be a right little madame when she wants to be.

He had a really rough start to life so I guess this has maybe made me a little bit too protective of him but I'm definitely not anxious whenever he is out of sight.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 07/06/2010 13:32

Op should do whatever she is comfortable with.
My Ds1 was 10 when we had DD. he was the first one to bathe and dress her and used to take her to the park when he was 12, started watching her for me for short periods at that time too and has been her main babysitter since he was 14.

But there was an 18 year old girl behind me on the plane coming back from holiday that I would not leave alone with sea monkies.

Depends on the teenager entirely.

juuule · 07/06/2010 13:35

YANBU.

I think you've got it just right.

And it isn't necessarily a pfb thing. I was the same with my nine. Wouldn't leave the baby with anyone under 16 and even then had to assess the 16yo.

AllSheepareWhite · 07/06/2010 13:36

Oblamov - scaremongering of 'its an offence'

I believe I clearly stated it was not an offence, but gave information on law and guidelines. These might help OP who seems to be already very clear where she stands with those relatives who just do not want to take no for an answer.

jellybeans · 07/06/2010 13:37

YANBU

frakkit · 07/06/2010 14:00

You know your niece(s), we don't. If you're not happy then don't let them take DS out, especially if he's had health problems (or was it you that was hospitalised for 2 months?).

Some 14 year olds are capable, some really aren't. One thing which I think is important when leaving teens in charge of children is their capacity to follow instructions.

If you say 'if DS cries you are to bring him straight home, do not pick him up, do not try to feed him, bring him home' would you trust her to do that?

There's also the road issue - crossing a road by yourself is very different to crossing a road with a pram. Maybe let them build up to it by you all going for a walk and them pushing the pram, then you being in the park while they walk around within view etc.

I can understand that there's a big difference between cuddling/nappy changing/dealing with a baby at home and out in the big wide world, and that particular line may be one you don't want to cross yet with a 14yo which is fair enough.

lynnexxxo · 07/06/2010 14:04

secondcoming,

no i'm not joking, I put my twins in their pram and the kids take them from a walk round the street. Not away for hours on end or anything, just up and down the street a couple of times.

My twins are strapped in and enjoy getting the attention. The girls know not to take them out their pushchair and if they are crying they will bring then back.

I wonder what you all think is going to happen to a baby, in a pram being pushed by an older child?

WidowWadman · 07/06/2010 14:15

frakkit, I would have thought that a fourteen year old should be capable of crossing the road without instructions from an adult.

wishingchair · 07/06/2010 14:23

For me it would depend on the road. I wouldn't let my 7 year old push a twin buggy up and down our narrow wonky pavements that border a fairly busy road. If you live in a quiet road and the buggy isn't going to career off the pavement into the path of oncoming traffic at any moment then it is different altogether.

I have a very vivid memory of taking someone's baby for a walk ... I was maybe 10? I loved it. It was a brown silver cross style (not massive carriage one) pram. Remember more about the pram than the baby to be honest ... the baby just justified me walking about with a proper pram.

For me it would depend on the teenager. I always take a pragmatic view and balance the risks. The risk of something happening is low and the consequences are fairly low also in this case (IMO). But if letting her take child out for a walk meant I would spend the next 30 mins with my heart in my mouth (or stalking her 50 yards behind), it just isn't worth the stress. I would laugh it off with sarky relatives and say I am a neurotic first time mum.

frakkit · 07/06/2010 14:30

You'd think, wouldn't you, WidowWadman?

But then I see grown women crossing the road from between cars with a pram just shoving the pram out into the traffic and my heart jumps into my mouth every single time....

14 year olds can be incredibly irresponsible, mind-blowingly so when it comes to roads, and if they have a habit of crossing roads dangerously then I wouldn't trust them with a pram. They won't necessarily make the mental adjustment of the extra time it takes or the absolute necesssity of using a proper crossing. In fact in road crossing I'd probably trust a 10 year old over a 14 year old.

midori1999 · 07/06/2010 15:09

I think it really depends on the individual teenager and how mature and responsible they are, plsu whether they have much experience of babies. (much younger siblings, for example).

My son is 14 and he regularly babysits his siblings for an evening or for short periods during the day, and he has looked after friends children both during the day and at night too. In fact, he handles one friend's rather naughty toddlers far better than either their Mum or the nursery do. I feel totally confident that he is responsible and knows what to do in an emergency and that there are always very nearby adults he knows, trusts and can contact should he need to, or obviously we are in if he is babysitting for friends or neighbours.

On the other hand, my stepdaughter is almost 18 and I wouldn't let her babysit my children, she is simply not mature or experienced enough. I also wouldn't let some adults I know look after my children either. I would probably feel a lot more comfortable about a walk out with baby in a pram than actual babysitting though.

Morloth · 07/06/2010 15:14

Teenage girls are awesome to have around if you have a baby.

Worked out great for me, I looked after my neices when a teen and they were just the right age for when I had my DS.

rastababi · 07/06/2010 15:16

YANBU, if the idea doesn't sit right with you then don't do it.

I know 13-14 year old who I would happily trust, but others I wouldn't at all.

Morloth · 07/06/2010 15:18

Agree that it totally depends on the teenager in question - also the case with adults.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 07/06/2010 15:23

If youre not comfortable with then youre not comfortable with it. Perfectly reasonable of you to say maybe when the baby is older.

Although my niece (she is 13, will be 14 in August) is excellent with my 5 month old DD. The only thing she wont do is nappies. It hadnt even occured to me about her taking the DD for a walk, although she doesnt know the area so well. hmm Maybe I'll show her a few routes so I can have the odd 20 minutes to myself!!

seeker · 07/06/2010 15:37

"plsu whether they have much experience of babies. (much younger siblings, for example). " Well, they won't get any experience with babies if no one will let them go anywhere near one, will they!!

thesecondcoming · 07/06/2010 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrfMoiLand · 07/06/2010 15:47

DD (14) is really good with babies, I would certainly trust her to take a baby for a walk in a park.

I think some people put teenagers in two camps - mindless morons or untrustworthy and reckless.

It is a silly arbitrary bit of advice from the NSPCC re not leaving a kid under 13 home alone. DD was left alone from the age of 10 and coped very well for short periods of time. How else are they supposed to develop their independence if you wrap them up in cotton wool and assume they lack basic competence?

Clary · 07/06/2010 16:22

yeah that NSPCC advice is nonsense imo.

Well-meant nonsense but nonsense just the same.

vaunieathome · 07/06/2010 16:51

I really dont think you are being precious. How many 14 yr olds come a cropper in road accidents etc every year - what if that particular 14 yr old happens to be pushing your pram??? It might not be the 14 yr old's mistake but some lunatic answering their phone whilst driving or something! I dont, however have any problem over the whole 10 yr old alone with the baby thing. Perhaps the 14 yr olds could come over and play with your baby in your house?? You could be having a snooze/cup of coffee/reading in another room. Might that be a diplomatic way of getting around it?

oldandgreynow · 07/06/2010 17:02

'It might not be the 14 yr old's mistake but some lunatic answering their phone whilst driving or something! '

but that could just as easily happen when you are pushing the pram!

OP i think you are ridiculously pfb

seeker · 07/06/2010 17:06

So being over 18 makes you safe from lunatics in cars?

thesecondcoming · 07/06/2010 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 07/06/2010 17:08

YANBU at all - your child isn't a toy that you should share out with whoever wants to play with him.

I'm sure that 13 year old girls would like to do a lot of things, well tough, they don't get to do all of them.

How bizarre to think that people here want you to let kids look after your baby - lots of people don't want highly qualified adults looking after their baby and that is entirely up to them.

Don't feel pressurised into doing anything you don't want to. And it isn't up to you to provide a training baby so that your neices know how to look after kids when they're older - no doubt they'll just learn on the job with their own, like everybody else does.