to think she got what my friend deserved?

[mummysgoingmad]

Ok quick run down

She's been having an affair with a married man since October.

In may his wife found out and he "moved in" with my friend.

He moved in on the monday and by the following monday her house had been destroyed by this mans wife (who he let in while my friend was at work) and he left my friend and went back to his wife.

She told all her friends and family (even her 80 year old gran) that they were an item.
She lives in my home town and news travels very fast as its a little town in the middle of no where (I say its like living in a episode of eastenders which is why i moved.) so everyone knew in a matter of days.

Now everyones laughing at her, and he's made a complete fool of her.

Now i know she's my friend, but i cant help but think she got what she deserved.

ambu?

BFST/ Magdalena seems to have very religious views. As in a bit slighlty extreme old fashioned blah blah Which is fair enough but in a situation like this, where we are discussing the OP's almost glee at her 'frriend' getting done over, it's not the issue.

My issue is that someone's friend is being such a dick that even though things are probably fucked up enough for her right now cos of her mistakes (God forgives them right???) we are being told that she deserved to suffer more by being turned over

Magdelena- what a bizarrely moralistic attitude you have, where your ire is reserved for women alone, it seems. And how ironic that there was a system of workhouses for women denigrated by society bearing your name.

she has always be attracted to married men. which i shrugged off, as its never got this far and i didn't think she could do that to another woman. especially as her father had an affair and left her mum when she was a young girl.

i dont agree with you all that i'm a terrible friend, if i really didnt care for her i wouldn't make a 85 mile journey to go and support her. i wouldn't have talked her out of going to the wifeds house. I wouldn't have made her tea, and took a huge bottle of vodka off her.

If i really didn't care i would have stayed at home and sniggered at her.

I posted about this very issue months ago when i found out both my firend were having affairs on a trip to dublin, and the reaction was very different!

Portia - Wanted to say it, but didn't

If you cared, you wouldn't think she deserved it.

You might not have agreed, you might have judged. But as a friend, no one should ever think that a friemd deserved it

She sounds very vulnerable and foolish mummysgoingmad. It must be truly devestating for her father to leave, it smacks of wanting revenge to me.

Well done Portia.

ok then so you think then that if you have an affair you should get away with it scot free, and by this i do not mean having her house destroyed, she's doesn't deserve to have her feeling hurt, ego bruised etc.. no?

It's odd though, that men have never been locked up and had their children taken away for transgressing societal boundaries, with the handy 'whore' label though, isn't it?

Just who is defending the man here Portia? - you are having an argument with a straw man

Oh so what you discuss has to form the basis of the conversation Magdalene? No hesitation, deviation or repetition? I used your comments as a basis for my comment.

I mentioned your beliefs as they came accross quite strongly.

I'm not going to focus on the fact that being a 'mistress is despicable' simply because that is not what is coming across for me and so many other posters.

You wanna vent wrath at mistresses? That's fine. Go ahead. But I'm focussing on another point here.

A lot of the time, affairs are good things, they are an escape route out of horrible marriages to selfish or cruel people.
And yes, I do think people who have affairs should 'get away with it' ie not have their property damaged or be subjected to physical assault. If your partner has had sex with someone else, that does not justify violence or criminal damage - behaving like this tends to make non-twatttish people think that your partner has been having sex elsewhere for a good reason ie you are unkind, immature and spiteful.

Do I live in a parallel universe? Did no-one have an automatic first response to call the police and get this lunatic prosecuted for criminal damage?

Do other people really live their lives as if they are in an episode of Eastenders?

No Mummysgoingmad. I think it is very rare that people 'get away scot free' with an affair because they always have to live with the fallout, with the knowledge that they have hurt people and, quite often, the animosity of their children when they understand what happened.

Do I feel able to judge and decide what people deserve - no - because I'm not perfect either. I would not have an affair, but I make mistakes like everyone.

I remember the thread when your friends were admitting their affairs and I remember the advice and agreed with it. It was wrong. You told them both it was wrong. That was the right thing to do. You haven't condoned it or colluded in it.

You can think something is wrong without thinking people deserve harsh retribution.

I am not arguing that shagging around while married isn't grubby (but I do think that the person who is actually breaking promises is more worthy of approbation than their accomplice). But I am repulsed by the anachronistic attitude of Magdelena which invokes the label of 'whore' for women. It smacks of a very unpleasant level of misogyny to me, regardless of the ethics of who has been shagging who.

It's not that black and white Magdelena. People stay in unhappy marriages whilst having affairs for numerous reasons - their DC, their OH's mental state, finances, eldery parents to consider... all sorts. I know a man who is having an affair who can reasonably cite all these.

Besides, in this case, although it started as an affair, the husband did leave his wife for the other woman. Going on what the wife did, I somehow doubt that even if he had done so first, and then announced his new relationship, the other woman's house would have remained intact.

O M G

what a lovely "friend" you are.

I'm with the poster early on who says I'd have given my views on the matter early on, certainly not sneering behind her back on the internet after it all went arse over tit in a horrid fashion (you ever had your house trashed - it's not nice)........

no she didn't want to call the police instead she wanted to march up to the wifes house and drag this man out the house and take him home. She thought he had been made to leave against his will.

My other friend and i talked her out of this after an hour of me locking the door and her hunting for the keys.

And maybe he went back home because he felt guilty, not because there was anything worth staying for or fighting for?