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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think she got what my friend deserved?

116 replies

mummysgoingmad · 06/06/2010 22:53

Ok quick run down

She's been having an affair with a married man since October.

In may his wife found out and he "moved in" with my friend.

He moved in on the monday and by the following monday her house had been destroyed by this mans wife (who he let in while my friend was at work) and he left my friend and went back to his wife.

She told all her friends and family (even her 80 year old gran) that they were an item.
She lives in my home town and news travels very fast as its a little town in the middle of no where (I say its like living in a episode of eastenders which is why i moved.) so everyone knew in a matter of days.

Now everyones laughing at her, and he's made a complete fool of her.

Now i know she's my friend, but i cant help but think she got what she deserved.

ambu?

OP posts:

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 06/06/2010 23:07

You honestly think that she deserved to have her house trashed and the whole town laughing at her? How odd

hmc · 06/06/2010 23:09

Well the house trashing is a criminal offence - can't condone that, but if she experiences a bit of discomfort at the hands of the town gossips - can't say I would weep for her. She had precious little regard for other peoples feelings when she embarked upon the affair. Don't like to think of the errant husband emerging from this unscathed however...

Attenshun · 06/06/2010 23:09

Your friend made a mistake (yes a bad one, getting involved with a married man).

And now you're saying:

'Now everyones laughing at her, and he's made a complete fool of her.

Now i know she's my friend, but i cant help but think she got what she deserved.
AIBU?'

You nasty bitch. You're saying she deserved to be publicly humiliated for fucking up.

I hope that if I ever made bad mistakes such as that in my life, none of my friends would be quite so evil to 'think got what I deserved', but would help me in my remorse and the rebuilding of anything that needed rebuilding, relationships or housewise.

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 06/06/2010 23:10

Maisiethemorningsidecat

mummysgoingmad Sun 06-Jun-10 23:04:34
I never ment she deserved to get her house trashed..god no! i travelled home with my ds to help her clean it up and stayed with her over night to make sure she was ok.

OP posts:

LordVolAuVent · 06/06/2010 23:10

Don't you hate the way women round on women by shagging their husbands, moondog?

Of course he is a prick, but unless she was duped into thinking he was single, my sympathy for her is limited.

SlartyBartFast · 06/06/2010 23:11

actually perhaps half of the town feel sorry for her?

LackaDAISYcal · 06/06/2010 23:11

YABU, but I think you already know that...

but PMSL at 2shoes typo

Magdelena · 06/06/2010 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmc · 06/06/2010 23:12

"Ih ate the way women round on women liie this."

There is nothing more unsisterly than having an affair however, which is why I am particularly down on women who do this - because frankly I expect better of women(perhaps tied up with my (mildly) misandrist tendancies as regards men )

LordVolAuVent · 06/06/2010 23:12

The wife let herself down by trashing the house and taking back the husband - she should have had more dignity than that.

Attenshun · 06/06/2010 23:13

Magdalena, what an appropriate NN

We're not saying the OP's friend is right for having and affair with a married man. I am judging the op, as other are, for pretending to be a 'friend', but secretly glad that this woman has been humiliated, had her home trashed and whilst claiming to be her friend...

Jeez.... Who would need an enemy with a friend like the OP....

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 06/06/2010 23:13

Poor woman, it takes 2. The tosser probably fed her a load of bullshit.

YABU

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 06/06/2010 23:15

Yes she knew he was married, everyone knows he's married, she was in the same class as his son through school!

OP posts:

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 06/06/2010 23:15

I read that bit, Mummy - my post was directed at hmc and others. I'd hate to think that a whole town was laughing at anyone - let him without sin and all that. Slarty made a good point - perhaps many feel sorry for her? I'm hoping that most people direct their gloating and hand-rubbing at the husband, if they really feel that they need something to do with their pathetic little lives.

NonnoMum · 06/06/2010 23:15

Can't understand why the whole town isn't laughing at HIM.

Everyone comes out looking like a loser; man, wife, mistress and you.

Magdelena · 06/06/2010 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Attenshun · 06/06/2010 23:17

Of course they are both to blame. neither deserves sypathy for any hurt they have caused.

But going onto a forum asnd saying...yep my 'friend''s house got trashed and she got what she deserved..

She's not really you're friend is she OP...? I cannot EVER imagine thinking that about any of my friends, even if thy had had an affair.

Cos that would just be kinda....horrible? Wishing misery on them

BigFatSepticToe · 06/06/2010 23:18

magdelena said - "If she purposely broke the sacrement of marriage then she is a brazen whore and so is the DH, both deserve everything the wife wanted to do to them

IMO.

Chaste, moral people don't get laughed at.

People can't act like sinful beasts and then expect it all to be fine. "

actually,I have frequently been laughed at for being moral and chaste, for not having sex befrore marriage, for being totally committed to monogamy.

but thats not the issue - the exwife committed a crime, the husband facilitated it by letting her into his mistress's home WTF was he thinking, she had just come to say hello??

and HE seems to have got away scott free while the "other woman" whatever one might personally think of her morals, has been the victim of a crime and now, if what Op says is true, is the laughing stock of the town. THAT i find more shocking than the affair TBH

Vallhala · 06/06/2010 23:18

I love you, I'm leaving my wife for good, she doesn't love me, we don't sleep together...

Heard them all. But I'm older, chances are your "friend" hasn't. She made a mistake. Not necessarily with the affair, for all we know some of the noce women on here are in happy relationships which started as affairs, maybe some of our friends are.

expatinscotland · 06/06/2010 23:21

Think of the amount of energy you have spent on this person and her situation. And how you could have been applying it elsewhere.

hmc · 06/06/2010 23:21

"I read that bit, Mummy - my post was directed at hmc and others"

Yep, and I am quite satisfied with the answer I gave you

hmc · 06/06/2010 23:22

Lol, that's rich!

SolidGoldBrass · 06/06/2010 23:22

The wife sounds like a cunt. Maybe the husband only went back to her because he's terrified of her (someone who would trash someone else's house is quite probably an abusive bully).
ANd the OP's a silly bitch with limited empathy - who do you think you would call for help if something bad happened to you, eh?

MrsRandomRanter · 06/06/2010 23:23

oh, you are a nasty piece of work, arent you? And a hypocrite to boot. You are not laughing at your friend? You are posting about her stupidity on an online forum, saying she deserved what happened to her?

I really hope your "friend" is a mumsnetter, and get to read this thread, then she gets to see what a terrible friend you are.

In fact, what you have done to her today, is bound to hurt more than what the vengeful wife of her ex lover has done to her!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/06/2010 23:23

Isn't the OP simply saying that if you're going to play with fire, expect to get your hands burned?

I don'tn see that there's too much gloating going on, I think she's just worded some of her posts a bit badly. She COULD have told her friend to feck off the minute she found out she was having an affair with a married man but she didn't and she actually stayed around to help pick up the pieces.

Like I say, your wording is a bit unfortunate, OP, but I kind of get where you're coming from.

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