To think I don't want DP's Staffie near my newborn?!

[Lavenderboo]

I'm due DS start of next month with first baby. But me and DP cannot agree about the dog...his dog (a substitue child from his previous relationship).

The dog is usually fine and obedient, if not a little on the sad-sack, sulky depressive side but generally lives the life of a queen. (Its only recently that she hasn't had the run of the house when I had to put my foot down about her sleeping on our bed.)

Recently the dog raised her heckels at freind's dd - though admittedly the child made a bee-line straight for her, tried to play horsey with her, and squeel like a demon in her face.

DP wants to 'introduce' dog and newborn to each other by letting dog sniff and lick newborns ears and face and goodness only knows what else! I'm absolutly horrified and have not been able to engage in sensible, rational convo or find solution with DP about this because 1. I'm hugly hormonal and will burst into tears and 2. He is v defensive and sensitve about the child-substitue dog!

Any advice out there? I've looked on other threads but they tend to talk about toddlers not newborns.Is he an idiot or am I hormonally-over sensitive?

Ugh, bloody no way.

He is an idiot.

Disgusting and dangerous I'd have thought.

I am not a doglover at all, so can't really see it from his point of view, but no way would I have let any animal lick my baby.

Waht eleanor and lizzy said.

How stupid.

gross. at the the very least because dogs lick their butts . who wants dog butt germs on their beautiful newborn baby. i am a bit anxious about dogs/cats near children anyway as all parties can behave irrationally without warning. but surely even from a basic hygiene point of view he cant be serious!

No not at all. I for one won't be letting my MILs Jack Russell or my aunties staffie anywhere near our daughter when she is born.
However, we have a cavalier king Charles spaniel who we will have to introduce the baby to, but our dog has never snarled at anyone (although she barks at cats and flies) and she most certainly won't be licking her face!
We are getting a playpen for the baby if needs must that we have to keep them apart.

My dog licked my baby pretty much as soon as she came out on the lounge floor, umbilical cord still attached. I must be weird. But tht dog loves me to bits and the instant he saw the baby he knew exactly who she was and where she'd come from - she was instantly HIS family, HIS pack, and he stood most protectively over her when the MWs handled her. Been like that ever since, best of friends.

YANBU at all and have every right to feel concerned about this. Especially the reaction he had to other child - and he prob will not like the sound of a crying baby either!

Hopefully if not before then as soon as baby arrives he will realise that the baby is no 1 priority above everything/one else and you are going to have to be very careful around the dog and prob keep them apart.

We have two cats and we have already agreed to keep them apart by keeping doors shut and have bought cat nets. The cats used to have run of the house and loved snuggling up in bed when we lie in on weekends but now they are only allowed in two rooms downstairs and outside.

We will still give them treats and give them attention when LO is in bed and they used to be our substitute babies too but now LO needs take priority.

YANBU at all!!!

Dogs get really jealous when babies arrive. Just not worth the risk at all. And dogs licking faces is gross especially babies!

Is there a friend or relative you can give the dog to so he can still see it?

YANBU. Licking is just not on.

We don't have a dog, but have two cats and I'm 31wks pregnant. Our vet advised us to let the cats sniff some of the baby's (worn) clothes before we bring him home from the hospital, so the cats get accustomed to his smell and won't feel the need to rub themselves over the newborn once he comes home with us. Other than that, much as I love my cats, there shall be absolutely no contact for the first six months at the very least.

This is a tricky one because, though you are absolutely right in not wanting the dog to lick your newborn (Eww!) it sounds to me like you dislike the dog anyway because it reminds you of your DP's previous girlfriend. So when you talk to your DP about it what he is hearing is you nagging him because you resent his past. And he's going to dig his heels in about the dog because he is (probably) fond of the dog for itself - people can and do get very fond of pets.
Your best bet would be to have someone else tell him that it's unsafe to let this dog (which has already displayed low tolerance for children) too close to your baby. Because when it comes from you he's going to dismiss it as you being jealous and whiny and not listen to your perfectly valid points about the risk.

guess you havnt seen the video i posted of a dog licking a toddlers face. although this is a year 1/2 year old, not a newborn.

when your child is still a baby, i wouldnt do it because it may frighten the baba [or the baby might love it!] but not hygenic. however a lot of toddlers love doggy licking, and aslong as your dog doesnt eat its own faeces probably a good way to be exposed to germs early on!

YANBU - but I would have thought the conversation should have been had before you got pregnant.

I hope you find enough calm to tell him to sod off.

not hygenic when baby, as i've said, but check this out.
Harper and Stella

I am sure the dog will be fine with your new baby, just introduce them slowly.I wouldn,t ecourage the dog to lick a newborn however.Just be sensible and don't leave them unattended.Did your partner have the dog before he met you?My dog was never jealous of either of my babies, and we have NEVER had any problem whatsoever.Take things slowly.You have to realise though that your dp loves his dog and will not want to part with her just because you are having a baby.

cute as that video is, have to admit it made me feel sick with all the licking

We had two child subtitute dogs when I fell pregnant (we were told we couldn't have children), the first thing we did was to ring a dog trainer to help us prepare them for the baby arrival as the things were lovely but jumpy and were used to sleep anywhere from our bed to my desk.

I wouldn't dream of allowing them lick the face and ears of my 7 yr old, let alone of a new born. Despite the dogs being my first "children" they were allowed a sniff when he first came home but nothing more than for the next 18 m.

Actually if it helps, our trainer said that the best way to keep the dogs' confidence and avoid jealousy with the baby was to gradually start to ignore them to reflect the little time we would have for them once the baby was born.

To avoid any hierarchy problems, dogs were no longer allowed on beds, to spontaneously jump on our laps (for obvious reasons), or to enter what was going to be the baby's room. Non surprisingly, the behaviour improved considerably even before I started to show signs of being pregnant.

They were fine, bitch became very protective of the baby, dog very respectful of him and in general no problem at all. It is not about showing the dog he is still a baby of the household, is about teaching it that now there is a baby in the house.

There's a couple of guides here and here on recommended ways to introduce dogs to new babies. Both say that allowing the dog to lick the child is not recommended - even if the dog in question doesn't eat its own faeces, it almost certainly licks its own bottom so could still have those bacteria and/or worms in its mouth.

I think you've got a few options: You can let DP get on with it (which would terrify me with the IL's labs as well), you can dictate to DP that the dog's allowed no where near the child under any circumstances (but if he doesn't believe its necessary he's unlikely to abide by it if you're not there) or you can try and find an acceptable middle ground.

I think YANBU, but if the 4 of you are going to live in harmony then you need to find a way to make this work (with caveats as required) that both you and DP are happy with before the baby comes home.

Mats - "Is there a friend or relative you can give the dog to so he can still see it?" Isn't this a bit over the top? You don't have to give the dog away to stop it from licking the baby. Anyway, my dog has always licked my baby. Not much mind you as he (DS) does not like getting licked.

My SiL to be has been told to send a blanket home from hospital so that the dog can get used to the smell of the baby before it comes home and keep the dogs off furniture/out of babies room from now plus ignoring as above(she is about 22 weeks) then let the dog sniff the baby when it comes home.

The trainer she spoke to said feet and bottoms are good to sniff due to the "scent load" he is also seemed to think licking was ok as long as baby was breast fed as it would have it's mums immunity but a massive no no if bottle fed - fortunatley SiL also thinks it would be disgusting to let dog lick baby.

I'm sorry, I have two dogs and I would never part with them, but I wouldn't let this happen. I would have a playpen an when I'm not there and the dog is baby would be in the pen. My dogs have always been totally trustworthy, and are a placid breed. Ddog1 came home when ds was 4.5 and dd was 1.5 and she has been an absolute total diamond, but a dog is a dog. I've nothing against licking but not a newborn.
And sorry to be controversial, and I will take the backlash, but I am very wary of staffs, rotties, and shepherds. I used to live somewhere where everyone had them, and many of them were rehomed because they went for kids. Say what you like I have never heard of a child being savaged by a pekinese or a cocker.

oops sorry I may have got the wrong idea, thought OP wanted not to have the dog at all!

I may be slightly biased anyway, used to love dogs but now when I look at them I just see moulting hair and germs

Dogs and babies can go either way in my experience.

One of my dogs completely ignored DD when she was a baby and is hugely tolerant of her now she's a toddler, they're good friends.

The other one reacted as though newborn DD were a cat she would love to chase and tear into pieces and she was shipped off immediately I'm afraid

I would not let my in law's dog near dd when she was a newborn. He seemed to respect that and now is not really interested in her, although we still would not allow him to be in the same room as her unattended.

You need to be clear about what the rules are and get some professional advice if necessary. As for cats, my two scent marked dd from birth... Eww perhaps. However, a cat's unlikely to attack a baby and even if they did, they're too small to do serious damage. Cats tend to avoid confrontation and certainly mine prefer to leg it than attack.

That video turned my stomach. Gross. Sorry but yuck.

oh and op YANBU at all. Your DP is perhaps a little insane.