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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I don't want DP's Staffie near my newborn?!

121 replies

Lavenderboo · 03/06/2010 11:33

I'm due DS start of next month with first baby. But me and DP cannot agree about the dog...his dog (a substitue child from his previous relationship).

The dog is usually fine and obedient, if not a little on the sad-sack, sulky depressive side but generally lives the life of a queen. (Its only recently that she hasn't had the run of the house when I had to put my foot down about her sleeping on our bed.)

Recently the dog raised her heckels at freind's dd - though admittedly the child made a bee-line straight for her, tried to play horsey with her, and squeel like a demon in her face.

DP wants to 'introduce' dog and newborn to each other by letting dog sniff and lick newborns ears and face and goodness only knows what else! I'm absolutly horrified and have not been able to engage in sensible, rational convo or find solution with DP about this because 1. I'm hugly hormonal and will burst into tears and 2. He is v defensive and sensitve about the child-substitue dog!

Any advice out there? I've looked on other threads but they tend to talk about toddlers not newborns.Is he an idiot or am I hormonally-over sensitive?

OP posts:

winnybella · 03/06/2010 23:31

Good advice differentname.

I was raised with large dogs, had to take care of them since I was very young. I don't think it really has ever occured to my mum that I might be in danger. She did introduce me properly to the first dog we had, though.

Anyway, I really don't see a problem with a baby & dog mix. I think though it's something hard to understand and feel comfortable with for some people, especially if they're not dog lovers. OP is clearly not one.

All dogs need proper training, staffie or not.

winnybella · 03/06/2010 23:32

blinks what exactly do you know about staffies to say that? Except few news stories?

Vallhala · 03/06/2010 23:32

I take it that you won't be taking your children out in a car either then blinks? Because the risk of a car accident is far greater than the risk of one involving a SBT and a child.

At the risk of sounding terribly arrogant I'll only view your remark as reasonable when you can convince me that you and your DC have had as much interaction and experience with SBT/any dogs as we have. It's that kind of comment which feeds unfounded mistrust and fears and breeds a domino effect hysterical reaction towards SBTs.

winnybella · 03/06/2010 23:35

I've never had a SBT, but quite a few of my friends did and they were/are the sweetest dogs ever. Fantastic with kids.

Queenbuzz · 03/06/2010 23:51

Erm.. dog's heckles raised when a child made a beeline....says it all really don't you think?

If your intuition about this isn't razor sharp then go ahead, please your dp. Put his desires before your own. If there is an accident with the baby, will the sacrifice be worth it?

If your intuition is razor sharp as it should be you will put your totally vulnerable, defenseless newborn's interests first.

Vallhala · 04/06/2010 00:07

Oh for goodness sakes Queenbuzz, tell the full story, don't just pick out the bit you want in order to demonise the dog. The dog's hackles rose when the child made a beeline and "tried to play horsey with her, and squeel like a demon in her face". That is a totally unacceptable and dangerous way to allow a child to behave.

My hackles would have risen too! That's not an aggressive dog. That's merely a dog who is showing, in the only way she could without being aggressive, that she was irritated and troubled by the badly taught child. No child should be allowed to act like that with a dog, for both their sakes.

Vallhala · 04/06/2010 00:08

Sorry, I was trying to highlight the rest of the OP's sentence, not cross it out.

blinks · 04/06/2010 00:13

didn't realise i needed to be an expert.

just not keen on any dog around babies, especially one's that were initially bred as fighting dogs.

BunnyLebowski · 04/06/2010 00:20

I'm with blinks on this one.

I think they're horrible looking animals and their history of being bred for bull baiting puts me right off.

There's no way in hell DD would ever have been in the same room as one.

blinks · 04/06/2010 00:26

also when i was a child i witnessed a baby in a pram being mauled by a large dog.

you couldn't see her face for the blood.

you'll excuse me for not being keen.

Vallhala · 04/06/2010 00:30

None of us are experts on anything until we have sufficient experience blinks. I don't claim to be an expert but I probably have had more experience of dogs, SBTs included, than the average MN-er. Thus I speak with this in mind and from the heart. As a result of my experiences I think it's fair to say that I can give a more reasoned, factual account than someone who merely isn't keen on dogs around babies.

Honestly, I have seen far, far more nice, family friendly SBTs (and dogs in general) than I have ever seen nasty ones. I also see and deal with dogs which are deemed by owners/families as being problematic/aggressive coming into rescue but which after carefully assessment are nothing of the sort, a fact which is proven when they go successfully into new homes.

I won't bore you but I could give you link after link, email after email, of those dogs which I've been involved in rescuing/have met and known to go on to homes, which would outnumber the amount of horror stories hands down.

AllSheepareWhite · 04/06/2010 00:37

She (the dog) could be fine, or she could not, point is do you want to take the chance with your baby? Wait and see how she is as she may get jealous if new bub gets all your DP's attention. My DD's grandmother has a huge bullmastiff that was raised by my DH, he sees us as his parents because we lived there before DD was born and DH still walks her because his mum is too sick, only once she was moving around independently (therefore getting germs anyway) would I let him closer to her, but I did let him smell from a distance when she was over a month old and closer from 3 months just so he recognises she is his family (he is around a lot of kids though as DD has nine cousins).

bundle · 04/06/2010 00:41

in reply to the OP

yes, he's an idiot

ShinyAndNew · 04/06/2010 00:45

I was raised with 'dangerous dogs'. We regularly looked after a Staffy when it's owners were on holiday. We owned a Doberman and then a GSD. My parents now have an Akita, with whom I grew up with and walked as a teenager.

My uncle had a Rottweiller and a Bull Mastiff. I have owned a Staffy and a JRT. I brought in a stray wandering Staffy to prevent it/a child being knocked over, I only wish I could have offered it a home with me, but I already have a dog who is still being trained.

My father and my Uncle were not the sort of men you would take lightly to upsetting iyswim? Probably the stereotypical staffy/rotty/doby owners.

In my whole life I have been bitten once. By Yorkshire Terrier, owned by a dear, if a bit dothery old lady.

It is training and knowledge that make a dog. NOT breed and NOT the way the owners look/dress/talk etc.

The fact that they were bred for fighting/bull baiting is what makes the SBT a brilliant, loving, people pleasing dog.

blinks · 04/06/2010 00:46

i believe you vallhala. i have heard they are one of the better breeds with children.

but i still wouldn't have a dog around my baby, especially dogs bred to be powerful fighters.

claw3 · 04/06/2010 00:53

I wouldnt want my dog to lick my face, let alone a new born baby. YANBU.

I have a Labrador and he would growl at a child if the child sat on him and tried to ride him like a horse.

Two separate issues there i think.

differentnameforthis · 04/06/2010 03:38

"She (the dog) could be fine, or she could not, point is do you want to take the chance with your baby?"

But that goes for ANY dog, allsheep! Really...all dogs are unpredictable. Even our Border Collie is...which is why I researched this VERY carefully & exhaustingly!

It was important to me that my dog got a fair try at being around my baby. So we did everything in our power to achieve that!

He was great with her as a baby, he would lie next to her if she was on the floor, run to us when she woke up from her nap (if she was crying), he never did anything more than sniff her when she was tiny. We have some lovely pictures of him watching while we bathed her & while I fed her. If dh fed her (rarely as she was EBF for 5 months, but had the odd expressed bottle) he would sit at his feet, head on his lap.

And now, he is still brilliant with her, loves to play with her, chase her, licks her (which we do discourage), he even sits for her when she gives him a treat. Because we, as responsible dog owners took the time to research what/how/why/when & I am pretty happy to say we think we got it right.

We didn't do the immediate 'oh no...new baby, get rid of dog' thing. Because for dh, losing the dog would be like losing a child.

differentnameforthis · 04/06/2010 03:48

And I don't get this whole 'they are bred to attack/fight' crap!

So what...what matters is what the individual dog is TRAINED to do. If they are trained to attack, then yes, of course it will do so.

Being a border collie, mine is 'bred' to herd sheep & nip ankles if not complying. He has never tried to herd me, nor my children, and he has never nipped ankles, because that isn't what he was trained to do!

tryingtoleave · 04/06/2010 04:36

I would be more worried about what will happen when your child is a toddler - toddlers do tend to be rough with dogs they are not familiar with. It might be 'dangerous and unacceptable' as Valhalla says but it is quite hard to stop young toddlers from doing any kind of undesirable behaviour (just have a look at the behaviour/development page).

I would not want a staffie around my children. As a previous poster said, whenever I have heard a story about a child being mauled by a dog it has been a staffie.

differentnameforthis · 04/06/2010 05:18

tryingtoleave, my toddler has known her dog since she was a newborn, so ours isn't unfamiliar at all.

She is actually very good, she is a typical toddler but she has been taught that the dog gets the same respect as we all do. No jumping on him, no horse rides, no yelling at him, pulling ears etc. They are constantly watched when together, so we see everything & any time she did try anything, we stopped it straight away & told her no & made her say sorry to the dog.

Therefore she gets the idea that you don't hurt the dog/abuse it etc...so it is entirely possible. And she gets it because she sees the way we treat him, so she follows suit!

At the moment they are curled up on the sofa, he is asleep & she is reading a book.

tryingtoleave · 04/06/2010 07:37

Actually, I meant to say dogs they are familiar with. A lot of my friends have complained that while their children are very cautious with strange dogs they are much too rough with their own dogs.

I can't get my 18 month old to stop jumping on her big brother at the moment - don't know what I would do if we had a dog.

Mrsbubblebum · 04/06/2010 08:03

I wouldn't let the dog near the newborn straight away. You need to let the dog smell the baby's clothes first and c what it will do. It should just sniff and walk away. Then slowly slowly introduce them to each other. The one thing you have to be careful about is jealousy, you don't want the dog to be jealous of the new baby. Need to make sure you give it a lot of attention, and somehow you need to start at least tolerating the dog cos they pick up on moods. I have a staffie and he's been always lovely with our daughter they are friends and he is so gentle you couldn't believe it.
Take it one step at a time i think

izzybiz · 04/06/2010 08:04

Tryingtoleave- that is one of the reasons I decided to get a SBT as our family pet, Ds2 was 15 months old when we got Lola.
He is now 20 months and rolls around on the floor with her, tries to sit on her when shes laying down, and all she does is roll on her back for her tummy to be rubbed.

SBT's because of their physical make up have a high pain threshold (what I have read) which means if they are accidently poked in the eye, or have an ear tugged its less likely to bother them.

I did so much research in to this breed before getting her, these dogs are one of only two breeds in the KC lists specificaly mentioned for their affinity with children.

I also read that a SBT scores higher on the temprement test than a Lab.

I really wish people would learn about things they aren't sure of rather than just believe what the papers say

ceres · 04/06/2010 08:05

another staffy thread - surprised nobody has mentioned locking jaws yet!

off to feed my devil dog (he prefers naturediet to children for breakfast!)

izzybiz · 04/06/2010 08:06

I will just add, they are never left alone together and if Ds is getting rough he is told! (Before I'm accused of being complacent)

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