that people think it acceptable to cancel/not turn up

[Trifle]

Why do people accept invitations to days out, parties, dinner etc then not bother coming or cancel if somethng better comes up.

Call me old fashioned but if I;ve agreed with someone to meet them for a particular reason then I bloody well go.

At the request of a friend I organised for a group of us to head out yesterday. Two cancelled that morning, another rang to say they were running an hour late and could I wait and others just didnt bother turning up. In the end it was just me and my two children.

I have stupidly organised another day out today with a different group of friends. One cancelled last night as they have had a better offer, I;e yet to see how many will come.

I;ve lost count of the number of parties where children just dont come after the parents have confirmed they will.

I;ve lost count of the amount of spare seats at dinner when people have agreed to come on a night out then dont bother turning up. These are not always events that I have organised so it seems that we are in a culture that people will just cancel at the drop of a hat and think it acceptable.

I think it's really fucking rude.

YANBU - at least they should ahve the manners to tell you they are not coming. Even then just cos they have had a better offer is not good enough.

It's either complete thoughtlessness or cowardice that makes people do it I think.

I agree YANBU.

I also find people lie about why they aren't coming. Why not just tell the truth? I accepted your invite but now can't be arsed/have had a better offer.

I find people are very flippant about letting others down these days.

Couldn't agree more trifle. People are so flaky and selfish sometimes! Can't do links but I started a thread recently about my friends dd's party where 8 kids were invited and only me and my dd turned up! Rude and hurtful imo. I'm sorry you've gone to all that effort for nothing trifle. YADNBU!

YANB at all U. It is fucking rude and seems to happen quite frequently in my life as well. Fair enough if they have a good reason to cancel (sick child/flood etc etc) but to cancel because of a better offer or to just not turn up is awful.......I've never done it and I would be really angry/upset if someone did it to me.

YANBU - this happened to us with a party last weekend. I paid per head and couldn't give a fig if the child came or not but do really resent spending money when the parent has accepted the invite only for them not to show up on the day with no explanation.

YANBU!

If I accept an invite, then I'm going unless there's a real problem. And then I'll text, email, ring, write.

I'd get some new friends if I were you.

People do that to me one time, I don't bother making plans with them again. Because I wouldn't do that to someone else.

Because it's fucking rude.

Imarriedafrog I don't think anyone would complain at a child being ill as a reason to cancel and you actually told them as well.

What it is I think is when
a) people don't bother to tell you (though obviously may not be able to if sudden emergency - but that is rare and understandable).
b) cancel cos they can't be bothered or because they have got a better offer.

NO ones complaining about people cancelling cos of illness etc or other perfectly good reasons.

people fall ill, kids fall ill, etc.

but have the grace to ring up or text!

we had to miss a party due to swine flu.

i rang and the mum thanked us for not bringing DD1 - she was sort of over it, but i didn't want to chance her passing it around and DD2 and DS still had it.

It depends on the reason IMO. If there is a valid reason then I think it is one of those things. I was invited on a lovely morning out a little while ago with some friends I hadn't seen for ages. It was about an hours drive away and I got me and the DCs into the car with plenty of time to spare. We then sat on the M40 for 2 and a half hours because of an accident. I called as soon as I safely could but don't think that would justify someone being narked.

Cancelling without a reason or even a phone call to say so is absolutely not on.

Oooh you have found my funny bone. I have a friend who does this regularly to us. She insists on being invited to social occasions with 'I'd love to come!' Then 9 times out of ten cancels because she 'has to babysit the dgc's etc'

Surely if you know in advance you have obligations then do not accept an invite - if you are invited to go to dinner/theatre/girls night out etc then do not drop your friends at a moments notice because your dd fancies a night out!!

She has left us with theatre tickets, empty seats at restaurants etc etc too many times now and we have stopped inviting her now, it is just not worth it. She is not alone in this I must add - I know many people who experience this - it seems that manners don't matter any more!

YANBU - if someone if someone did it to me it would be the last time they got an invite.

Lamplighter - has she noticed that you aren't inviting her along any more?

I wouldn't cancel on my friends unless for a very good reason - illness, severe weather etc. I suffer from depression, and often have to force myself out of the house to keep appointments/arrangements that I've made with people, but I do it because I consider their feelings to be more important than mine.

And surely every parent knows that a child who doesn't turn up to a party means an empty space - either someone else could have been invited or the host parents could have saved the money spent on party bags and food etc.

Not to mention the fact that many children will be really upset if their friends fail to show up at their party. My dses were invited to my friend's dd1's birthday party once, along with another lad (ds2's best friend, whose mum was friends with the party mum). She'd also invited most of the girls from her class at school, and I think only one or two turned up - the poor girl was really upset. She had more people at her party who were 'friends via her mum' iyswim, than who were supposed to be her own friends. I was heartbroken for her.

yanbu

it was ds2's first bday party last week. my older ds invited our neighbours son an d the mum said yes we will definitely be there. then 20 minutes before the party started i saw them all getting into teh car and going away. we live right across fromeach other. she could have come over there and then to say, sorry they couldn't make it. i was angry for ds.

I hate this, if i say i am going to it takes a lot for me not to go and even then i spend the whole time feeling bad about it.

Dh on the other hand does this all the time, although i am just taking about meeting mates at the pub oh and when i have plans wiht him

I really can't believe people carry on like this.

Some people are just cancellers, and it's really annoying. I have a friend who often has a perfectly good reason as a one off (DC under the weather, family committments, double-bookings etc) but once it happens for the fifth time, you realise that they are just cancellers who accept every invitation and then decide at the last minute which one is the "best" !

SDTG

I think she has and I love her to bits but I just wish she would either not commit or tell her kids that she has plans and can't babysit for them that night. I was once left £30 out of pocket on a theatre ticket when she cancelled half and hour before we were due to leave. It was just too late to find someone else.

But OP is right - it does seem to be much more common these days - not turning up or cancelling late and I find it very rude!

I've known a few people like this and it usually gets to the point that I purposefully drift apart from them. I have about 6 people who can't manage anything more reliable than email chats.

Sometimes I'll agree to do something I that, on reflection, I really can't be arsed with. I still suck it up and go though (and usually end up being glad I did.)

And it really, really irriates me when I force myself to do something I don't fancy, then they cancel at the last minute.

YANBU I hate this - it seems to happen all the time to me. They nearly always let me know (though often not until after I'm already there/have been waiting/have gotten us all ready to go/am on the bus etc) but the reasons are often shoddy IMO. Sick LOs, fair enough, but when it's the third time they've blamed sick LOs in a month More often I get cancelled on because 'the kids didn't sleep well last night so I'm tired' or 'the kids are asleep/ need to have a nap' or 'OH has an unexpected day off so we're going out as a family' or 'so-and-so was naughty this morning so I said she can't go/have DD round to play' 'I can't come because OH can't cope with the kids' 'I've changed my mind I can't leave DC in the evening they might need me'

If I make plans to meet someone/do something, I do it, I go. No matter what my DC are doing......unless they are actively vomiting or in need of severe TLC/contagious. Even then I'd rather ask someone round here instead if they don't mind the sick LO.

I've never cancelled because I'm sick I just get on with it. As for the kids sleep/naps/behaviour/OHs/can't leave LO - drive me MAD. Talk about letting them rule you and DON'T cancel MY afternoon plans because YOUR kid has been naughty MY kid hasn't and was lookng forward to it! Pick another punishment if you must!

Ahhh rant!

I can think of nothing worse than having to go to every event I have been invited to. Sometimes it's easier to accept the invitation and cancel than it is to be on the spot and think of a reason you can't make it. Sometimes it sounds fun, but on the actual day I just don't feel like it. So I cancel. I cancel because life is too short to spend doing things I don't want to do.

Although I text/call and cancel (rude not to), I can fully understand why people do. We are flaky.

Christ on a bike, socialising shouldn't be a series of obligations- it sounds like work!

YADNBU I HAAAATE this. people can be really shit sometimes. If I've accepted an invitation we go regardless of what offers we get in the meantime. It's common courtesy, I have a real thing about never letting people down (illness excepting of course not including hangovers though!).

The only time I've cancelled something in recent years was a friends visit 2 years ago following a bereavement. God knows I've froced myself to many a do/function which I haven't really fancied, I just don't beleive in letting people down.

if someone cancels on me more than a couple of times I just don't get in contact anymore or make arrangements with them. lifes too short IMO.

Other pet hates are people who force you to make plans round their dcs military routine and people who say "I'm not sure what I'm doing yet" when you try to arrange something with them. Code speak for "i'll bear you in mind but I might get a better offer". If someone says this to me I just tell them quite bluntly to forget it.

Quite right NB! I hate all the excuses. What they really mean is, I've decided I can't be arsed to make the effort, and I don't care if u have organised something.
I've noticed it's generally the people who never bother to do the organising for anything, so have no idea how annoying it is or how much effort u may have put in.

Gosh, tethersend, that's quite a bold attitude. Don't you feel guilty about letting people down?