that people think it acceptable to cancel/not turn up

[Trifle]

Why do people accept invitations to days out, parties, dinner etc then not bother coming or cancel if somethng better comes up.

Call me old fashioned but if I;ve agreed with someone to meet them for a particular reason then I bloody well go.

At the request of a friend I organised for a group of us to head out yesterday. Two cancelled that morning, another rang to say they were running an hour late and could I wait and others just didnt bother turning up. In the end it was just me and my two children.

I have stupidly organised another day out today with a different group of friends. One cancelled last night as they have had a better offer, I;e yet to see how many will come.

I;ve lost count of the number of parties where children just dont come after the parents have confirmed they will.

I;ve lost count of the amount of spare seats at dinner when people have agreed to come on a night out then dont bother turning up. These are not always events that I have organised so it seems that we are in a culture that people will just cancel at the drop of a hat and think it acceptable.

I think it's really fucking rude.

Mmm, Dorritos.

I'm the same way, thesecond.

If I say I'm going to do something, I do unless there's a real reason why not.

It's not work, an obligation, etc.

It's just how I am, how I was brought up.

If I want to leave things open to see what comes I won't accept an invite at all.

But mostly, well, I enjoy socialising with folks.

ladyanonymous - If that's your view, then fair enough, just say no from the start!

To be fair, I have never held one of these parties myself before, only been a demonstrator, and I am not out to "make money" out of my friends, as TBH I'm not a particularly keen cook so the free gifts I get for hosting the party will be of no great use to me, and I will more than likely give them away anyway. I am holding the party mainly because I fancied a girly night in, and because a few of my friends have said how good these parties are.

And can I just say, that I don't think there are any exceptions to the rule - if a friend invites you to anything and you say you'll go, then dont let them down just because you cant be arsed or you get a better offer......don't accept the invite in the first place!!

Just because you don't like these sort of parties ladyanonymous, doesn't give you the right to accept the invite, then blow out the host who has gone to the effort of organising the party, buying in wine & nibbles etc.

Yep - say you are going or not going and IF you have to cancel make sure it is with a bloody good excuse e.g. head has fallen off or you are trapped under something very, very heavy.

Don't let people down.

Expat is on my party list

YADNBU OP

This annoys me to0 and I've had it happen. I have cancelled plans when DS ill or me etc but never for a better offer. If someone rings/ texts etc and I have plans then I'll say i'm busy perhaps another day but if its a whole loada people then I say hopefully next time.

Simple common courtesy.

My friend went above the call of duty when she rang to say she wouldn't be coming for coffee last night as taking her DH to a & e!!! I could hear him telling her to get a move on while she's saying I must just apologise to mumber as she's expecting me .

Anyway we were to meet with dc's today and she text first thing to cancel on account of needing to nurse DH - I thought that was again very nice (considering she got in at 2am) and I'd kinda figured anyway!!!

Fair enough ChunkeyMonkeysMum I normally do - in fact I have never cancelled last minute - I just hate those type of parties and sometimes people can be really persistant about them.

We even had this happen with the Art summer school my art class ran last summer. A number of people committed to attend the summer classes and then simply failed to show up, with no explanation whatsoever.

We'd costed out the classes - venue and teacher - and thought we had sufficient people attending to cover our costs, but ran the class at quite a loss, in the end. As a result, we've decided not to do it again this summer, which is a shame.

You think it's bad in the UK you should try living in one of the many many cultures in the world where people just seem to live in their own little bubble and do whatever they please.

I am forever sitting at home wondering when or if people are going to turn up. I have stopped inviting some people because I got so pissed off with them not coming, especially after I had told my dd's and they were getting excited.

I just wish I had enough invitations to things to be able to pick and chose which to go to and which not. I gratefully grasp every invite I get.

Sigh. I miss home.

I agree that it's really rude and annoying. And if you do cancel at least make your excuse seem believable. A 'friend' who had agreed to come round for dinner then cancelled by text as she had 'forgotten to look at her calendar and was double-booked'. I had already seen her calendar before I invited her and know she wasn't double-booked but presumably had just had a better offer.

Then again - I am going out tonight to a 60th birthday party and would rather sit in the garden with a glass of wine. On Saturday we have a 50th birthday party and last week we had a 30th birthday party.

Too much of a good thing - I'm knackered

Still going though

What is this better offer? I mean, wtf, are these people 14-year-old and the popular boy from S6 rings and ask them to go for a ride in his new convertible?

Unless it's Johnny Depp wearing nothing but a smile, in which case I'd have to invite said friends along, but only after I was done with him , you've accepted an invite from someone who supposed to be a friend.

Then you just blow them off and think that's okay?

WTF?

Why are they your friend if you don't like to spend time with them or dump them for someone else?

Our wedding ceremony was a small close family only affair, so instead we went to town on a big party for all our other friends the day after. The buffet was £15 a head. I had FORTY! people who said they were coming who just didn't turn up, no explanation.

£600 wasted because of pure bloody rudeness. I was furious!

OP maybe it's partly because you do big group things? If you just invited one family thy might feel more obliged to let you know if they aren't coming or even turn up. Sometimes if you think a great crowd is going to be there, it doesn't seem all that important if you don't attend IYSWIM

We sometimes accept invitations given a couple of weeks in advance but find that dh is so utterly knackered from work and work related travel that he can't face it when the day comes, just needs some rest. So we have cancelled a few times on account of that.

So we're in the bad guy group

Yep same happened for my birthday party a couple of months ago. One person turned up and most just didn't bother to let me know

I have this at work. I organise various events, some free, some not, some with catering and some not. It's amazing how many people either book and don't turn up or just turn up on the night.

It makes it impossible when organising the venue (go too small and you'll get too many, and vice versa) and even worse if you are organising food.

Had one recently which was a buffet, pay in advance (I had to confirm numbers 24 hrs in advance), and yet about 20 turned up "because it was a nice evening" and proceeded to eat the food that had been ordered for the 50 who had bothered to book/pay.

It drives me nuts, but it's impossible to say much as we are a charity and therefore rely on people's goodwill (piss taking..).

YANBU at all, i can't stand this.

I have lost count of the number of things i have arranged with my SIL that she has cancelled on me at last minute or night before and it drives me nuts, the most recent one was plans for bank holiday when she casually dropped in when i saw her at parent's in-law the weekend before, that oh yes she wouldn't be coming as she had "forgotten" it was her other neice's birthday and she was now doing something with them. I am not going to bother arranging things with her anymore. Rant over.

But as you can see I am very much with you on this one.

sorry parents-in-law

no I don't really do prearranged days out, it's more an evening thing without kids that dh would not be up for.

I have sometimes gone alone but no, don't always want to do that. I don't cancel things with bought tickets etc, in any case I pay for those beforehand but things like parties (adult - does that sound weird? I mean not dc but grown-up events)

Yeah, that's pretty rude, ZZZ. Just leave him at home then.

I do things with some friends and their kids and I don't see their husbands at all because he's tired out.

Or mine is.

yes maybe it's rude but if it is his friends rather than mine or joint friends or via his work or sport, I wouldn't go on my own.

It does happen, has happened a few times. I admit we're the bad guys but as I said it is always a group event thing like a summer party for a sports club or a New Year's Eve party or something not a sit-down meal type thing or a theatre date with another couple

he is actually a lot more sociable than I am , very gregarious. So if he is not whacked for it, he is utterly whacked