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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be doing this?

143 replies

analbeard · 02/06/2010 23:04

have name changed for this as sensitive issue here.

i am feeling so bad about this it is hard to cope. basically dp left i claimed single parent benefits and now he has moved back in but he wont let me tell them. says if i do he will leave again as im not sponging off him. help!

OP posts:
MuthaHubbard · 03/06/2010 11:06

it might be worth speaking to the police as he may phone them to report you all missing when he discovers you are gone. then the police will know that you are safe and well and not to divulge where you have gone

good luck - you are stronger than you think

StarExpat · 03/06/2010 11:12

oh goodness how horrible this is I agree to call the police in case he reports you missing. Also, are they his dc? Maybe call women's aid and make sure what you need to do.

ShinyAndNew · 03/06/2010 11:18

I'm so sorry AB. Get somewhere safe. The police won't tell him where you are.

I need to go to work now, but will check back later.

Good luck.

To delete internet history go to internet options and chose delete history.

booyhoo · 03/06/2010 11:22

i will be out til about 1ish but please stay strong. i am worried that you have gone quiet.

as soon as he leaves for work you lock teh doors and pick up the phone. do this for yourself and your dcs. you really have suffered enough. time for it to stop now. do what you have to do. big unMNhugs going your way. please stay strong. you deserve to be free of this.

marriednotdead · 03/06/2010 11:46

Analbeard, I'm reading your post and remembering my own fear
Mine was a long time ago now but you too are going to get through this. Today is the hardest one, but it gets better I promise.
Stay strong, you're doing exactly what you need to do to survive and keep your dcs safe. I wouldn't call the police until he's gone either, it's much safer that way.
Thinking of you and wishing you well.

maybebaby23 · 03/06/2010 12:03

Well, its 12 oclock now, he should be leaving, right? Im thinking of you OP..you are doing the right thing you are so very brave, you can do it. Imagine the life you and your DC's will have when they lock away this idiot.

Will check for an update later, hope to god all goes to plan. Sending you lots of courage and strength.xx

Rossco · 03/06/2010 12:13

OP I hope you are OK. I agree with the others, please tell the Police everything and go to your Mums.

I'm thinking of you and your DC's x

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 03/06/2010 12:18

I really do hope you are OK and are getting the help that you need. Please don't be afraid to go to the police, they will help you.

TottWriter · 03/06/2010 12:24

Just wanted to add my best wishes, and hope that you're okay. Please do come back and let us know that you are alright.

ihavenewsockson · 03/06/2010 13:00

Are you ok AB? Has he left?

maybebaby23 · 03/06/2010 13:02

Hope you are busy packing your stuff and heading to the police station OP. Hope you are ok.

booyhoo · 03/06/2010 13:10

i'm hoping the silence means you are busy getting to safety.

good luck with it. you will need all your strenght to do it but you are doinmg the right thing.

when you can, let us know you are ok.

tinywelsh · 03/06/2010 13:14

Just seen this thread. I really hope that you're ok AB and you're safe. Please let everyone know when you can.

HobbitMama · 03/06/2010 14:10

AB if you think he might go to your mum's to hassle you - the police can put you in a refuge where you won't be able to be found. Not ideal in the long term, but just thought it was another option.
I too hope the silence means that you're getting out ok. I'm sure we're all hoping the best for you here.

booyhoo · 03/06/2010 18:00

AB how are you? have you left?

PhoenixReborn · 03/06/2010 18:09

Just read the thread AB hope you are ok and out please take the advice and phone the police if you haven't already x

maybebaby23 · 03/06/2010 20:02

Still thinking of you AB and hoping you and your kids are safe..

FlightyButPolite · 03/06/2010 20:47

Was wondering if you were ok too.

Vallhala · 03/06/2010 21:00

Still thinking of you analbeard and hope so much that you're safely at Mums now. I hurt for you and all you're going through, but trust me, it will pass and life will get a million times better.

Val x

Original poster
analbeard · 04/06/2010 00:46

hi everyone thanks for all of your caring posts.

sorry i have not been able to post before. well what a day it has been. he left at 12 as usual and i got packing straight away as had loads to sort out. anyway he came home at 1ish as he had forgotten something. found our packed bags and put a knife to my throat and tried to kill me in front of dcs who were petrified. luckily before he walked in i had just phoned for a taxi and the taxi man heard the lot and phoned the police. he saved my life today. i am an emotional wreck now not coping at all but the police have been fantastic and a womens aid worker was so lovely. i was scared they would take my dcs away but they havent. he is in custody for the moment. have a very queasy feeling reincounting todays events. i feel shaky and sick and cant sleep

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 04/06/2010 00:54

Good God AB

Could you leave now before he gets released? Your poor dc. Poor you. I hope they lock him up and throw away the key.

Original poster
analbeard · 04/06/2010 01:02

the lady from womens aid said the local refuge does not have a room big enough to accomodate us but they have an emergency safe house in the community. they are ringing me first thing tomorow to let me know about this. if not it will be out of area refuge, as they feel me and dcs would be at risk at my mums as he knows the address and because of the level of violence they wont allow it.

am scared have had an awful day. my poor poor dcs i love them so much. am so anxous i feel like im breaking down

OP posts:
Vallhala · 04/06/2010 01:04

analbeard, you ARE coping. You're taking the first steps to being free from violence, abuse and fear. You're stronger than you're giving yourself credit for.

And of course they won't take your precious children away from you. It's not YOU who is in the wrong, all you're doing is protecting them. He is in the wrong.

I know the shaking and feeling sick feeling, and I know what it's like not to be able to sleep BUT I also know what it's like not to live in fear any more.

Have the police given you any indication of what they intend to do with the bastard?

Sorry, but thats all he is.

ShinyAndNew · 04/06/2010 01:05

You have support AB. Both here and in RL. I can't imagine that he won't get a custodial sentence. So at least after the trial you will have a few months/years to recoup your thoughts without fear.

Listen to WA. Ask them about counselling too, for you and your dc.

Of course you feel shaky and sick right now, who wouldn't? But that will pass. You are over the worst now.

Vallhala · 04/06/2010 01:11

Shiny's right. You have done the hardest bit. And, as awful as it sounds, you no longer have the fear of whether the police will believe you or not, he has shot himself in the foot and no matter how clever he is at denying it and making you look deranged (yes, my DH tried that too), he can't deny what he's done now you have an independent witness.

Rebuilding your life will be hard perhaps but nowhere near as hard as living with what you have up until now. Each day will get better - at first you can't see the wood for the trees and are confused and overwhelmed but gradually it all comes together.

I don't think for one minute you and I are the only ones who have had similar experiences and have no doubt that there are a lot of women on here with horrendous tales to tell, but so very many of us have happy endings and you will too.

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