to think that my DP wont have sex with me because he now sees me as an incubator for his child?

[1pregheadpumpkin]

ok well we used to have a very active sex life, and it was fantastic. DP quite a talent.

but as SOON as i found out i was pregnant, he wants it less and less whearas i want it more and more!

anyway im now 25 weeks (with a neat and not too obstuctive bump) after several blatant rejections on the basis of being tired/cold/not wanting to hurt me (not baby curiously, but me)i told him in very petulant way how i felt.

"you NEVER want to have sex with me anymore, im just an icubating unit! we used to have sex all the TIME and now it can take ages to get a reaction and most of the time you'll roll over or snuggle into me and fall asleep!!"

which was not terribly mature and he tells me its rubbish and that he really is very tired (all the time? and if I'M not too tired, how can he be? he's not growing a person!)

other than that the relationship is much the same, but i miss it.

i feel very unnatractive. like a sea-cow.

AIBU?

YEs and no. Same thing happened here...DH and I were quite the pair pre babies. But pregnancy did scare him a little, and he just couldn't do it while I was pregnant. But, it does come back eventually (though it gets a bit more challenging when you have TWO DCs who get up really early in the morning!)...so don't worry too much!

think mine has gone off for same reason too

haha kerry, i was making like to go down there this morning and was doing that kissing down his chest thing, and there was just NO reaction whatsoever.

i may just buy myself a frigging rabbit.

and eve, thats whagt im worried about, when baby arrives there will be little time, i just want to enjoy what time we have left! too young to feel past it and thats how he makes me feel!

nagoo its soul destroying isnt it? i sometimes wonder how baby was concieved and then i realise "oh yeah, he USED to find me attractive".

and it doesnt help that he's mega scrummy looking!

Ah, but when you have little time, you have to get more creative!

very willing to be creative, it was always me who went in for that sort of thing, its just coaxing him into it! i totally did all his washing and ironing and cooked him dinner too yesterday, and did the shopping and tidied his room, i thought i'd pretty much earned it! but sleeping beauty fell asleep!

but kerry DP doesnt like being given head. he never has, previous BFs have loved it, but not him.

maybe i should ambush him when he next comes out of the shower, before he has a chance to cover up. make him lie down and climb aboard. but that might be classed as abuse...

i tried pouting too! is this man immune? i know its not his appetite for sex in general though, i typed in "you" into the search bar to navigate to "youtube" and the first result google chrome history gave me was "youporn".

delving into his history to see if this is mistake, i find he is quite a regular to this particular site...

im almost prepared to suggest we watch it together. im that fed up! either that or buy the rabbit and use it in front of him and use only that until he gets annoyed and feels replaced (much as i feel about this porn, lots of tiny skinny girl with massive toys make me feel very cumbersome in comparason!)

i know, he says head "does nothing for him" maybe he's gay. although he also has fear of penetration too, if i even TOUCH his bottom, he jumps away like he's been scolded (like i'd even go there darling...)

I don't get this. Can't he do it doggy if the bump is putting him off? It's the only way you will manage it after a while anyway.

DH and I have a very active sex life with a DS so I promise you children don't have to mean the kiss of death!

LOL at Kerry

Try setting the mood right over an evening together with a nice meal, music, wear something sexy etc. See how it goes then? Start the day off being lovely before work and let it build over the day maybe and then have a lovely evening with candles etc and see if that cracks him maybe?

My H never felt like it when preggers and also found the breast feeding off putting as well. The barsteward cheated on me with a 21 year old after 2 DCs. However I don't think your partner is remotely the same as mine. Go on, go for it, give my suggestion a try?

i dont know if its the bump, he's constantly grabbing it and kissing it, he never leaves it alone, i just cant get him to even respond.

I am 32 weeks pg and DP hasn't come near me 'like that', for almost 4 months now. He did the same excuses, tiredness etc blah blah blah, and I felt more and more rejected. Then eventually I collared him and made him talk about it, and he admitted he felt really weird about it as there is baby inside me. The upshot was that there was no way that he would be interested in shagging me until after baby is born. At which point I will not be up for it as I will be feeling like a wobbly dairy cow with a mutilated fanjo (I have been through it once so I know these things), and without being too graphic DP is hung like a bloody donkey so if he thinks he is inflicting that on me anytime even remotely soon after childbirth he is wrong.

So I probably won't have sex for about a year all told. And yes I feel the same as you, like a bloody womb on legs, and nothing else. But on the plus side, he has been very sweet and really looking after me and showing me he loves me in other (strictly non sexual ways). So I am trying to focus on that, the bottom line is sex is out of the question and that's not going to change, if it gets that bad I erm, sort myself out. Bit crap though, I feel your pain. Ah the joys of pregnancy.

this is last night:

been home alone all day after doing all his cleaning and he was at work.

when he came home, i immediately came over from hob where i was cooking his absolute favorite meal, gave him a hug, told him how lovely he looked, said " i bet you're exhausted, let me get you a drink" then told him to sit down and relax and that dinner would be ready in about ten minutes.

i wore nice clothes, had made an effort.

upon bed time, he wanted a film on, so joined me in bed ( was nekkid!!!) and i wrapped arms around him and kissed him and then just generally tried to get him in the mood.

DP "im sorry darling, im just so tired2 he closes his eyes, makes like to go to sleep. so i get up, turn film and light of and admit defeat.

attempted much the same this morning. another knockback.

i tried threats like that kerry, he says "FINE" and turns away.

Have you told him his behaviour is making you feel unattractive and unloved? Tell him tonight, but say you're not looking for sex tonight if he doesn't feel like it, but he needs to think about how long he expects you to go without sex. and ask him if there is a problem, that he's allowed to be honest, even if he thinks it will upset you, but you don't believe he is that tired all the time - or if he is he needs to go to the doctors about it.

Leave the poor man alone! If this was a thread about a woman not wanting to have sex while she was pg but her DP was pestering her 24/7 we'd all be saying he was an insensitive tosser!

DH didn't want to have sex when I was pregnant. He just said it didn't feel right. Not physically of course just didn't feel right in his head.

YABU

Bollocks. It's not normal to avoid sex with your partner for 9 months +. It just isn't.

I hardly think OP is 'pestering' her DP, rather she's trying to get physically close to him. Way to make her feel self-conscious

Polly your DH is weird.