to think that my DP wont have sex with me because he now sees me as an incubator for his child?

[1pregheadpumpkin]

ok well we used to have a very active sex life, and it was fantastic. DP quite a talent.

but as SOON as i found out i was pregnant, he wants it less and less whearas i want it more and more!

anyway im now 25 weeks (with a neat and not too obstuctive bump) after several blatant rejections on the basis of being tired/cold/not wanting to hurt me (not baby curiously, but me)i told him in very petulant way how i felt.

"you NEVER want to have sex with me anymore, im just an icubating unit! we used to have sex all the TIME and now it can take ages to get a reaction and most of the time you'll roll over or snuggle into me and fall asleep!!"

which was not terribly mature and he tells me its rubbish and that he really is very tired (all the time? and if I'M not too tired, how can he be? he's not growing a person!)

other than that the relationship is much the same, but i miss it.

i feel very unnatractive. like a sea-cow.

AIBU?

(Declaration of interest: I'm a man)

I can remember when my (then) DP was pregnant with our first. I also had some big concerns regarding sex. I was very worried of accidentally hurting her, and I was even more worried that if I had and if - heaven forfend - she subsequently miscarried, I'd never had been able to forgive myself.

I'm not saying that was a necessarily calm and rational concern. But that kind of fear does tip a very large bucket of psychological cold water on ones libido.

Well- you could make space by chucking the condoms out....

Sorry, some people go off sex during pg... it's nothing to do with attractiveness. Look after yourself...

you seem to have me wrong here, like im thinking about sex 24/7. i love this man to pieces and 95 percent of the time im happy to be snuggled up on the sofa with him/playing monopoly/going to lunch with him etc. its just if and when i do try, which is not often really, once every two weeks? i get a knockback. i dont sulk or make it hard for him, i generally accept that i wont be getting any. but if i think about it, it does upset me, but i promise i dont let it get in the way.

i try and make life as easy for us as possible, id never push him. i go a bit quiet for ten minutes, but he just thinks its hormones.

the dynamics of our relationship are unchanged, i just ish this part was the same. is that seriously unreasonable?

snorbs! a man! welcome.

great to hear your point of view, i do understand, honestly, i mean, there is a living creature in there, but when we do have sex, its usually me who'll insist on other possitions so baba isnt squashed and he usually goes for it. just getting him to...

he enjoys it when it happens, but mostly i cant get him to.

balls!

haha we hardly need condoms in my condition do we?

It's not unreasonable for you to feel crap about it - anyone would. Pregnancy can be enough of a shitter without feeling like a humpback whale and an incubator in one. But I still think that pressuring him into having sex, however infrequently, when he just doesn't want to will only build resentment which will last long past pregnancy.

I don't think it's at all unreasonable of you to want him to be honest with you about it though. He's a grown man, he should be able to admit to what his 'problem' is.

thank you tott, i apprecitate you saying that. maybe i'll try sitting him down after dinner tonight and ask him if his issues do run deeper than being tired. he's not a big talker to be honest, but its worth a try!

everyone on here has been very helpful, thank you all

Poor you. I don't buy the 'tired' excuse, it's much more likely that he finds the idea of pregnancy a turn-off, which I think is not that uncommon in men. (Maybe they feel they're having sex in front of their child...?). Unfortunately you probably won't be able to change the way he feels. I can see why he doesn't want to admit it to you but he really does owe it to you to be honest and admit the effect his behaviour is having on you rather than just brushing it under the carpet and pretending it's not a problem. You should have a proper discussion about this at least.

ok got to go cook dinner! i'll have a hungry DP coming home soon

X-post with everyone else!

if he loves her he would at least ATTEMPT to do something to satisfy her.

FFS if you switched that around there would be screams of abuse and dump the tosser.

I agree with polly. It didn't "feel right" for either of us while DW was pregnant. We soon got back into the swing of it again afterwards. Didn't take long!

totally just jumped him after he showered. and dint get the usual knockback

thank you everyone

Yay!!!! Get down with your bad slef

bump was in full view AND he called me sexy. im in there!!! wahey!!

i wish mine would leave me alone (i'm 29 weeks pg and not in the mood ever!!)

He doesn't like head?

Hey mine has gone off sex too and I'm still early. He has admitted he is really scared of hurting me and hitting something that could hurt the pregnancy.

We just do other things. Is mutual masterbation an option ? Or do you have to have somethign "in" you to finish?

btw i am amazed that there is a man on earth who doesnt like blow jobs!

Have you tried something like this this You can find lots of other sites that do pg lingerie some are really nice and use the bump to a good advantage.

Glad it´s gone OK,OP.

Sorry,but what is it with men who don´t want sex with their pregnant wife-if the pregnancy is the reason?

They really think they´ll hurt the baby or their wife?

Thank god my husband wasn´t like that as tbh I would have lost all respect for him.

I see you have sorted it now op that will teach me to read the entire thread . I don't think YABU I would have been really hurt if dp had felt like that it is bad enough feeling unattractive without dp not wanting to come near you .

I was dead lucky being pg brought me and dp much closer together.

diddl, why is it so hard for you to believe that a man would have some concerns about having sex with his pregnant partner, particularly with a first pregnancy? It's not like the vagina and uterus are at different ends of the body. I'd be more worried if the bloke couldn't care less.

Slushy, It is annoying but I certainly haven't lost respect for DH! TBH I have kind of felt the same way.. We tried for a very long time so this pregnancy is very special (Not that all pregnancies aren't!) to us. I have also had some bleeding and been told that I have a eroded womb which makes my DP very nervous about irritating anything.

I did read the whole thing and while I know the OP did in fact get some... I'm guessing that this isn't the end of her struggle.

I don't think men are stupid enough to assume that they are going to punch the baby in the head! They are just worried about something that essentially they can't really understand.

Shit that should have been directed at diddl! Blame it on the baby brain!