Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put on ebay clothes given to me?

98 replies

moodlepoodle · 31/05/2010 17:22

A friend has a son a couple of years older than mine and always gives me the son's clothes when he grows out of them. Most of them are boden so I am really grateful to get them. And their stuff wears realy well so now my son has grown out of them too - can I sell them on ebay??

I usually just put the stuff in a charity bag but we're a bit skint at the moment so every penny helps.

I know this sounds awful but I dont want to mention to the friend Iam putting them on ebay - in case it gives her the idea to do it herself and then my son wont get the clothes in the first place!

OP posts:
Theyremybiscuits · 31/05/2010 17:23

Just do it

katycarr · 31/05/2010 17:24

I would ask your friend first. It wouldn't bother me but it may some people.

bibbitybobbityhat · 31/05/2010 17:24

Yabu.

waitingforbedtime · 31/05/2010 17:28

Oh no dont do it! Ask her if she wants clothes back from now on to ebay.

It would be unbelievably rude imo to profit from someone else's charity without tehm knowing.

Theyremybiscuits · 31/05/2010 17:28

Why Yabu? If the friend never asks for them back - say for a younger child to use, then surely they are a gift?

surfinia · 31/05/2010 17:28

Keep the bits you would use, and offer the rest back. If she refuses, then I would presume its ok to sell on ebay.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/05/2010 17:31

I think you have to ask her "what would you like me to do with the clothes you gave me once my son has grown out of them?" because it is the sort of thing that might sour a friendship.

Although tbh, I personally think that once you have given something away, what that person chooses to do with it is up to them. Different if you lend it to them, but once you give it - it's theirs.

However, I have read enough threads on here to know it's something people can be funny about. It seems that some people don't actually give give, iyswim. In their mind they still have ownership of it.

People are weird.

Original poster
moodlepoodle · 31/05/2010 17:32

oh no I should explain - my son has worn all the clothes and grown out of them too now. I am not just taking stuff of her to sell. The batch of clothes Iam now thinking of selling she gave me over a year ago.

OP posts:
katycarr · 31/05/2010 17:36

I still think you should ask, tbh when I give friends clothes I assume they will pass them on to other people who need them or to charity. I think it is polite to ask, she probably won't say no, as others have said she has given them to you.

cat64 · 31/05/2010 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
moodlepoodle · 31/05/2010 17:37

They hav definately been given to me - she has no younger children.

OP posts:
Original poster
moodlepoodle · 31/05/2010 17:39

See thats the thing i really do not want her to stop giving him the stuff so i dont want to give her the idea to ebay herself.

OP posts:
Theyremybiscuits · 31/05/2010 17:41

No problem at all

Very silly to think that things are given and then have to check 'if it's ok' by the previous owner that it is alright to do 'such and such'

They were given, they are yours to do as you wish.

katycarr · 31/05/2010 17:42

I think YABU in making that statement, if she wants to sell her own clothes she can do.

I only have one child, she has lots of lovely things and we always pass them on or she sells them on ebay and donates the money to our church or a charity. I would like to think that if we pass them on the person who recieves them would do similar.

Of course I have no right to insist on that as I have given them away.

MPuppykin · 31/05/2010 17:42

I would ask her also. Not quite the same thing, I will admit, but I once gave a friend a really beautiful evening dress for a charity sale at her church, and found out on the grapevine afterwards that she had put it on ebay for herself. Seriously pissed me off, although again I admit it is a different scenario, because I had given them for a specific purpose.

But, you are protecting yourself and your friendhsip if you simply ask her what she wants done with them after you have finished using them.

ZZZenAgain · 31/05/2010 17:42

well maybe but it comes across a bit grasping tbh.

She gave you the things for free. I would tell her your dc have worn them and they are such good quality someone could still get good use out of them but you have no one to pass them on to and you woudered about putting them on ebay.

Actually nice would be IYAM to offer to put them on ebay for her and then give her the money (it won't be much) whether you could do with it or not as a kind of thank you.

ZZZenAgain · 31/05/2010 17:44

in the same way you could take the money and buy a little gift for her dc or her, even jsut wine or chocolates would make it less of a one-way thing

QSnondomicile · 31/05/2010 17:47

Well, what you are weighing up are the following:

Continue handing the clothes down in the charitable way you yourself received them or sell them for profit.

If you are found out, you risk the friendship, and may have to start buying more clothes for your own child, so in my view, it is a lose lose situation. If you decide to make a profit. It is a short term gain with a potential high risk outcome.

HurleySatOnMe · 31/05/2010 17:49

I would say yabu if you are doing it straightaway, but seeing as your son has worn and ow grown out of them, I'd say fair enough. Though my moral side thinks if times weren't hard you should give them to charity. I am having no more dc, so always pass on to my friend who has a dd exactly a year younger than my own. I always say she can give to charity any that she doesn't want, but it would piss me off (perhaps irrationally?) if she was goign through the bag looking for the stuff that can be sold.

waitingforbedtime · 31/05/2010 17:49

Gosh I think you sounds quite selfish tbh.

Theyremybiscuits · 31/05/2010 17:54

I am alittle surprised that some are alittle judgemental (sp) about the selling of the items well after the gift has been given - she isn't looking through the bag wondering which items to sell.

Her child has outgrown them too.

I am completely with the OP about needing alittle extra spare cash, and they may go for a good price on ebay.

If she benefits from that little money when she needs it, what is the problem?

DilysPrice · 31/05/2010 17:56

I'd ask her what she wants you to do, and if she says she doesn't have a view then ask whether she'd mind you ebaying them - and maybe offer to split the proceeds 50/50.

I passed my Phil & Teds onto a mate and she specifically asked what I'd like her to do with it when the kids grew out of it - as it happened a mutual mate was just about to have her second so I expressed a preference for her having it. TBH I'd have been very slightly miffed if she'd sold it and not offered me a cut.

saslou · 31/05/2010 18:03

Your friend is probably well aware that she could sell her clothes on ebay herself, but instead has been kind enough to pass them on to you so that you will benefit. If you sell them, I think your friend will be reluctant to give you clothes in the future. I know I would. I think you have a moral obligation to not financially profit from something your friend has paid for and given to you out of kindness. If you ask her and she says it's okay to sell, then you should give her half the money made.

123andaway · 31/05/2010 18:04

So long as you are sure she doesn't want them back then YANBU.

leavingonajetplane · 31/05/2010 18:10

She chooses to give them to you

either because its too much hassle to sell them herself - in which case if you ask she will surely not mind you doing it.

Or

because she knows it will help you out, in which case she may feel a bit let down if you are the one to sell them, without telling her.