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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put on ebay clothes given to me?

98 replies

moodlepoodle · 31/05/2010 17:22

A friend has a son a couple of years older than mine and always gives me the son's clothes when he grows out of them. Most of them are boden so I am really grateful to get them. And their stuff wears realy well so now my son has grown out of them too - can I sell them on ebay??

I usually just put the stuff in a charity bag but we're a bit skint at the moment so every penny helps.

I know this sounds awful but I dont want to mention to the friend Iam putting them on ebay - in case it gives her the idea to do it herself and then my son wont get the clothes in the first place!

OP posts:

Rockbird · 01/06/2010 07:44

I think you've been given them for free and had good use from them. Therefore it's your moral 'duty' to pass on the favour. I wouldn't feel good about selling them on when there are people around who would really benefit from a bit of kindness, the same as you've had. It's karma, as others have said.

Rockbird · 01/06/2010 07:48

Why is it not appropriate to ask? That's a cop out. 'Listen, all these clothes you've been giving me over the years, as Aloysius has outgrown them now, what would you like me to do with them? Would you like them back or are you ok with me putting them on eBay?'

Easy.

sybilfaulty · 01/06/2010 07:51

I'd tell her that your son has now outgrown them and what would she like you to do - give them back to her or get rid of them? If she says get rid, I'd put the better ones on Ebay and charity shop the rest. Most people know about Ebay and how it is a bit of hassle to iron, photo, describe etc etc and so she may have decided that she'd rather just pass to you than make a few quid herself. It's hardly going to be thousands unless it is lots of stuff after all. If you are prepared for the hassle and she isn't, then that's fine.

I'd always check if the person wanted the stuff back when I'd finished as people can change their minds or "forget" the purpose of the loan / gift. I still haven't forgotten lending my very expensive Isabella Oliver clothes to a pregnant friend for her to wear to work. I even said I would have them back to sell after she'd had the baby. When I got unexpectedly pregnant with no 3 and asked for them back for me to wear, she'd given them to ano friend! Speechless!

So check if she wants back then do as you like with them.

sybilfaulty · 01/06/2010 07:53

Agree with Rockbird - be upfront. She won't want them for her son to wear, so ask her if she wants to have them back (to sell, give to ano friend, use as dusters) or would she mind if you put on Ebay?

sorebore · 01/06/2010 08:22

It would not be appropriate to ask her if she >wants the stuff back as clearly she doesnt - >her son has grown out of them.

But there is nothing wrong with actually asking her - it is clearly up to her to decide - she might want to pass them on to someone else. So - as nearly everyone has said - ask her, and don't keep it from her that you want to ebay them - by saying you don't want to tell her you do appear a bit grasping and devious.

thesecondcoming · 01/06/2010 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparkle12mar08 · 01/06/2010 08:53

Agreeing with the majority I'm afraid - if I'd lent you clothes and found out you'd sold them on ebay you'd be an ex-friend pretty sharpish! But then I'd have made sure you understood I wanted them back in the first place. It is grasping and it is profiteering, and the reason it is rude is beacause it's a basic lack of good manners. Surely you can see that? And you must understand that if you go ahead, there is a possibility that she will also see it that way, and that you will loose the friendship (and furture clothes) because of it.

By far the best, and just decent thing to do is to ask her in the way that others have suggested - "Look, little johny has grown out of the clothes you gave me, do you want them back or shall I pass them on? Would you mind if I ebayed them either?"

It's nice and polite, and is just the right thing to do.

JGBMum · 01/06/2010 09:01

I have a friend that I used to regularly pass on clothes too, however, after she told me she was going to add them to a car boot sale she was doing, I now pass them onto another friend who appreciates them and whose daughter wears them.

I think YABU to profit from an act of kindness.

Megatron · 01/06/2010 09:03

Different people clearly feel differently about these sort of things but I would feel very uncomfortable about profiting from another person's charity. I'm not saying you're wrong, as they have obviously been a gift, it just wouldn't sit well with me (and we always need extra cash). I've frequently given my DCs outgrown clothes to friends and I suppose it's a kind of unspoken assumption among us that the clothes in good condition will be passed on to someone else when outgrown. It's never occured to me that a friend would sell the clothes and keep the dosh! You obviously have doubts about it yourself or you wouldn't be posting here anyway but I guess you should do what you feel comfortable with.

StrictlyTory · 01/06/2010 09:10

It is grasping to not tell someone that you are planning on making money out their gift

How can you not see that?

I would be very annoyed if this happened to me, by giving them away to someone who needs them she clearly doesn't think about money as much as you and it would make me think that I was just a nice income spinner for you!

MintHumbug · 01/06/2010 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearcrumble · 01/06/2010 09:25

I'm sure if you were honest with her about being skint she would be happy for you to ebay the clothes after your son has grown out of them.

However it is your moral duty to call the clothes "well worn" on the ebay descrption and to let the buyer know they are third hand. This will affect the price.

You do sound like the clothes and potential money earned from them matter more to you than the friendship in your reasoning for not wanting to ask her.

bleedingheart · 01/06/2010 09:29

I don't feel YABU. I give away 95% of my clothes and DS's clothes to friends and charity, if these clothes were to turn up on eBay I wouldn't mind as I lose any rights once I give them away.

capstone · 01/06/2010 11:26

If you do decide to ask your friend if she minds you putting the clothes on eBay, be aware that she might feel she has to say "no, I don't mind" out of politeness, even if she'd really prefer you not to.

azazello · 01/06/2010 14:37

I give my DCs clothes to friends when my DCs have grown out of them but I 'lend' rather than give so slightly different. I would be really pissed off if someone ebayed clothes I'd given them without warning. My DCs won't wear them again but my nephews/ nieces/ friends DCs might want them. I wouldn't have any qualms about them being given on though to someone who needed them.

I think YWBU to ebay without checking that is okay and if you did so, she would be reasonable not to give you any more clothes.

helmethead · 01/06/2010 15:09

If you ask she may well realise that Boden stuff is really the only kids clothes that have any resale value - I only give away Boden stuff that is too worn to sell. I would alert her and let her sell on the stuff herself if she can be bothered if not you can do it but I would give the money to charity no matter how skint you are, thats not your friends fault.

GeekOfTheWeek · 01/06/2010 15:14

YABVU for the reasons everyone else said.

butterscotch · 01/06/2010 15:37

I've given a friend of mine loads of Mat clothes and newborn baby stuff I've just had my las baby and she is due her first in July but whengiving them I specifically said I want them back so I can eBay them after!!! Other stuff I've given her I've said I don't want back!
Normally if I've given them away I would expec them to be passed on but would be happy for a 50/50 cut off the profits !!

butterscotch · 01/06/2010 15:38

120 · 01/06/2010 15:41

She may have other friends to lend them too. Definitely not yours to sell. Would annoy me too.

sorky · 01/06/2010 15:48

I give my kids clothes away. It would feel weird to me for them to sell them on.

I could ebay them but tbh I can't be arsed and it gives me pleasure to know they are being used again.

I would assume that if those clothes aren't needed anymore, then they are passed onto someone else who could use them, or they are handed to a Charity.

You come across as greedy OP. She gave them to you out of charity and you should do the same imo

cheesesarnie · 01/06/2010 15:48

yabu.it wont hurt to tell her your dc has outgrown them and what should you do with them.id pass on.

PiratePrincess · 01/06/2010 15:52

You were given the clothes. YABU to profit out of that.

Smalline · 01/06/2010 15:58

YANBU - I always pass clothes onto my sister for her dd when my dd has grown out of them, I don't care what she does with them once her dd has finished with them, as long as she doesn't pass them back to me.

Tanith · 01/06/2010 16:27

YABU. The clothes were given to you. It is extremely mean-spirited and grasping to then sell them on without even asking your friend if she minds.

When my daughter was born, I was given a lot of clothes, some as presents and some as very good quality hand-me-downs. I also bought some on Ebay myself. I handed the whole lot, even those I bought, to my neighbours when their daughters were born. Even then, I checked with the people who'd donated stuff, to see if they wanted it back or were happy for me to pass the clothes on. I wouldn't have dreamed of selling them and I would be really, really upset if my neighbours tried to sell them instead of passing them on or giving them away.
If I found out about it, I would never give clothes to that person ever again.

If you can't be generous, why should you expect generosity to be shown to you?

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