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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put on ebay clothes given to me?

98 replies

moodlepoodle · 31/05/2010 17:22

A friend has a son a couple of years older than mine and always gives me the son's clothes when he grows out of them. Most of them are boden so I am really grateful to get them. And their stuff wears realy well so now my son has grown out of them too - can I sell them on ebay??

I usually just put the stuff in a charity bag but we're a bit skint at the moment so every penny helps.

I know this sounds awful but I dont want to mention to the friend Iam putting them on ebay - in case it gives her the idea to do it herself and then my son wont get the clothes in the first place!

OP posts:

cat64 · 01/06/2010 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HelenFF · 01/06/2010 18:18

I really understand you wanting to do this.

I have been given a load of clothes by a work colleague (both maternity and baby stuff) who has said she just wants it out of the house and has already said she doesn't want them back.

I plan to do some ebaying while I'm on maternity leave (we have lots of books, cds, dvds etc ready to go) but I'm still going to ask her one more time if she wants any of the clothes back or minds if I give them away/sell some. Tbh most of her baby clothes I would give to charity anyway as they'll be third-hand when I'm finished with them, but I am tempted to ebay some of the maternity stuff when I'm done with it. If she's okay with that.

The likelihood is that your friend won't want to ebay anything - it's a lot of effort and often for little reward. You could even (though not everyone here will approve) just broadly ask if she minds what you do with them, rather than ask about selling specifically.

But I do think it's hard to justify getting freebies and wanting to profit, without being willing to risk said friend making the money herself.

bigstripeytiger · 01/06/2010 18:28

I think that if the friend doesnt want them back then it is OK to ebay them.

I have a friend who gets all of my DDs outgrown clothes. I could ebay them, but I dont because I am too lazy. If she wants to go to the effort of seeling them then good luck to her.

Original poster

moodlepoodle · 01/06/2010 18:48

A few of you are missing the point that the clothes were definately 100% given to me (not lent)and my son has 100% worn them.
I am not cunningly taking the stuff with a plan to sell them.

I have always just put the stuff in a charity bag before now.

Anyway after the reactions here I think i will just continue to charity bag them. Even though the friend that told me about the boden stuff on ebay is likely to be straight in the shop behind me to buy them up to put on ebay.(that is almost like a job to her going to charity shops and buying stuff to sell on ebay)

I cant see any point to putting them on ebay if I tell the friend that gave them me as I'd have to offer her all the money and it would be a waste of time and embarassing. For her if I offer her the money - for me if she insists I keep the money (double charity case!)

OP posts:

leavingonajetplane · 01/06/2010 18:52

I dont think you are in the minority notquitenormal. Many people on here also dont seem to mind whats done with what they give (and some people are specifically choosing to lend which is different).

But the OP is saying that she thinks that her friend would ebay the stuff herself instead of giving it, if she knew she could, so it is rather different not to tell her friend, purely to ensure she continues to get the clothes.

scottishmummy · 01/06/2010 20:26

posters disagreeing with you doesnt="missing the point".you asked for opinions and no likey some received

profiting from free gift is a bit vulgar as you profit twice
1.- free clothes,you dont have to shell out for

- profits of resale on ebay

but you actually confirm you dont want to share any ebay profits and you will conceal selling them on for profit from her

greedy
sneaky

why cant you sell, and buy her bottle wine/dvd,wee token gift say thanks

Imisssleeping · 01/06/2010 20:38

noodle YANBU she gave them to you, they are yours.
If you want to sell them, then sell them.
the karma people are talking about has been settled as you pass your dd's clothes on!

PrammyMammy · 01/06/2010 21:01

I don't know why you wouldn't just mention it to your friend?
I mean, i wouldn't mind if i had passed something onto a friend and they wanted to sell it, but if i found out they were being sneeky about it i would be a bit insulted.
A friend who's dd was born 3 weeks before my dd, at a whopping 10lbs6oz, passed on lots of beautiful things she had bought n newborn sizes that were too small, to my dd. Some really gorgeous things. I asked her if she wanted them back (maybe she was planning another dc in the future?) because some things were new and expensive, and she said no. So i said my dp's cousin was due a girl and she was happy for me to pass them to her.
I couldn't imagine not asking though, especially as some brands are so expensive.

tinierclanger · 01/06/2010 21:06

If I was your friend, I wouldn't mind if you sold them on, without asking, but I would think it a bit mean if you didn't then offer me some token gift or share of the profit in return. I would refuse it if you were skint.

TinaSparkles · 01/06/2010 21:07

Definitately mention it to her.

I passed on clothes to a DF for her DD. I was kind of gutted when she showed me her laptop and it was full of photographs of clothes I had given her for ebay.

To be honest I did expect them back in the event that I had another DD of my own, or so I could pass them on to my neices who were in need of them.

TinaSparkles · 01/06/2010 21:11

And just to follow on I haven't given her any since. If she had asked me I would have said maybe for some of them, however, one of them was for one of my favourites DDs dresses when she was a few months old and it didn't sit right with me.

Maybe I was being naive but I did think she would think to ask me if I wanted them or not and she knew I had plenty others who would appreciate them who don't have too much money either.

scottishmummy · 01/06/2010 21:13

i give my stuff to health visitor.they know who would appreciate from their caseload

leavingonajetplane · 01/06/2010 21:55

Thats a good idea scottishmummy.

PrammyMammy · 01/06/2010 22:01

great idea SM, do you know if all HV accept clothes?

KodakTheBat · 01/06/2010 22:06

Are you my sister

I just asked her for a load of stuff (designer) that I had lent her so that I could sell in on E-bay (skint) and she beat me to it

YABU unless you ask first.

treas · 01/06/2010 22:07

how would you feel if the situation was reversed?

scottishmummy · 01/06/2010 22:20

HV,drive have caseload of clients i imagine they'd all be more than happy to collect and distribute stuff to appropriate clients

mine collected it all. gave her clothes, grobags,toys and prams

PrammyMammy · 01/06/2010 22:31

I'll find out. What a brill idea.

hellymelly · 01/06/2010 22:32

I have passed on a lot of things to friends,things I could have sold on ebay as they were really good quality,but I liked the idea of passing them on,and i thought that if I did have another then they would probably pass the stuff back.Anyway,I have given up on the third baby but the women I gave stuff to have asked me if I wanted it back when their DDs grew out of it,and I've said they should keep them for their (hopefully)next baby.I would have been really ticked off if I had seen them selling the things on ebay,it would have really annoyed and upset me as I gave them away rather than selling them to do something kind for another person.I would rather have stuff back so that I could pass it on to another friend.I really think it would be very bad form to do this without asking,and surely if you sell it you should give her the money?

fulltimeworkingmum · 01/06/2010 22:36

If it's been given to you, you should pay it forward and hand it on to someone else who will make use of it or continue to donate to charity. If you speak to your donor and tell her of your plans and she's happy then that is different but otherwise profiting from someone else's charity is a bit grubby IMO, even if you are a bit skint.

megapixels · 01/06/2010 22:42

YANBU. I don't understand this "Here I am passing these on to you, but I have the final say on everything you do with them in future" mentality. Once it's been given to you then it's yours to do as you wish. Quite different if it's been lent to you to be given back.

My friend keeps wanting to return the car seat I gave her when her baby was born. She keeps telling me I can sell it on ebay . Well if I wanted all the hassle of ebay and whatnot I would have done that to begin with instead of passing it on. If I wanted to sell it after she was done with it I wouldn't have just given it to her I would have said that I want it back when she's done! When you've dumpedgiven it away it's not yours anymore, simple as.

scottishmummy · 01/06/2010 22:46

not sure,given in good faith.graspy profiteering to sell on freebies.and decline to tell friend in case she cracks on that ebay may be lucrative rather than give away.
isnt about long term ownership of clothes,is about concealing potential profit from initial giver

OhCobblers · 01/06/2010 23:09

DC were given lovely clothes presents when they were born plus i bought some great stuff too - a few bits i've kept for sentimental reasons but the rest i've ebayed - absolutely my decision to make.

a number of people have given me gorgeous hand me downs for DC2 where i've taken what i needed and given the rest to local charity shops - everyone who gave me stuff stipulated that i do that with anything not used / finished with.

i ebay a lot and it would never cross my mind to ebay clothing given to me as a kindness. As Scottishmummy said its not about ownership stopping or starting, its about profiteering which is very wrong in my book.

in an earlier post you mention that you do a lot for the friend in question, give children lifts, etc, i think you said. thats a decision you've made and need to stop if you don't want to carry on but its not a justification to sell the clothes on ebay if you've not checked with her first.

who knows she might even say "go for it" with ebay because of all the kind things you've done for her OR she'll think that the kindness stops with her giving your child lovely 2nd hand clothing to wear.
either way you won't know 'til you ask!! and you really should ask at the very least.

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