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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put on ebay clothes given to me?

98 replies

moodlepoodle · 31/05/2010 17:22

A friend has a son a couple of years older than mine and always gives me the son's clothes when he grows out of them. Most of them are boden so I am really grateful to get them. And their stuff wears realy well so now my son has grown out of them too - can I sell them on ebay??

I usually just put the stuff in a charity bag but we're a bit skint at the moment so every penny helps.

I know this sounds awful but I dont want to mention to the friend Iam putting them on ebay - in case it gives her the idea to do it herself and then my son wont get the clothes in the first place!

OP posts:

leavingonajetplane · 31/05/2010 18:11

i.e. - run it by her at the very least

onebadbaby · 31/05/2010 18:14

Get them on ebay- she wouldn't give them to you if she was bothered what you did with them- if she can afford to buy Boden in the first place she obviously isn't in need of cash.

Some of you are so righteous!

capstone · 31/05/2010 18:40

YABU

mamatomany · 31/05/2010 18:45

It's an interesting question because I gave my neighbour a changing bag, brand new over £80 and a bag full of clothes for her child that would have raised a good £50 on ebay and have never once seen her use either.
However I know she uses ebay so that's where I assume they've gone and it does annoy me, I don't have money to burn and thought I was doing a good deed passing them onto her but won't be doing so again, if she didn't like them to use herself she should have said no thanks and let me sell them or send them to charity shops.

oldandgreynow · 31/05/2010 18:59

I think its wrong and grasping.If someone has been kind enough to give good quality Boden stuff to you then I think you should 'pay it forward' and give it to someone else who might need it.

scottishmummy · 31/05/2010 19:06

greedy and grasping to make profit out of her kindness,and not suggesting to her that she herself ebays is sneaky

PortiaNovmerriment · 31/05/2010 19:06

As long as you are accepting the clothes to actually use first, I can't see the problem with ebaying them when you have finished with them. If it eases your conscience, by all means ask her if she wants them back after your son has grown out of them first, but I wouldn't mention ebay either.

scottishmummy · 31/05/2010 19:14

you benefit doubly by receiving free clothes and then their potential resale

but you dont want to crack a light to her in case she herself sells.that is sneaky

why cant you accept the clothes and when son is done suggest to her that she resale them on ebay

Rosebud05 · 31/05/2010 19:18

Is the few quid you might make after all the hassle of e-bay worth jeopardising a friendship and/or future generous gifts over?

I sympathise with being skint, but your friend is actually saving you lots of money by giving you clothes in the first place. It seems a bit rich to want to benefit twice from her generosity.

squilly · 31/05/2010 19:22

If I'd given them to you I wouldn't care what you did with them! I do know people who would care, though, so perhaps, to err on the side of caution is best?

If I was in this position, I'd tell her I'd used the clothes but there was life left in them still. How about if I ebayed them and we had a day out together with the proceeds?

That way everyone wins. You get 'paid' for your hard work ebaying them, she gets a lovely thank you for the original donation, and your son got to wear lovely clothes too.

That's what I'd call a win win And I don't think you're greedy and graspy at all. Just sensible.

scottishmummy · 31/05/2010 19:29

if you do ebay you should split any profit she gave you them free after all

jamaisjedors · 31/05/2010 19:34

You should definitely ask her.

I would be happy for someone to sell on clothes I gave them because I just don't have time to do it.

But I think you would feel a bit of a mug if you discovered it and hadn't been told iyswim.

This is not a moral issue, just politeness imo.

bibbitybobbityhat · 31/05/2010 19:43

She gave you the clothes out of kindness. It is extremely dubious to then secretly aim to make a profit from that. Its like saying "thanks for the generosity, lets see what else I can squeeze out of you".

You should pass them on for free if she doesn't want them back. In that way someone else benefits from her generosity.

You must surely see that this is morally the only way to go.

beagle101 · 31/05/2010 20:05

I gave a friend of mine a massive bag of really lovely clothes (including Boden ) when she had her baby. Yes I could have sold them on ebay (and I do sell stuff) but would rather they went to someone I know and was happy to do it and she really like them so all in all a good thing.

She recently sold all of them at an NCT thing - one where you man your own tables so I know she was selling all my stuff.

I didn't think that I would be annoyed about it or anything - I really think that when you give things you give them and I hadn't actually thought about having the clothes back or anything like that BUT I was absolutely horrified and bizarrely still annoyed about it - not that they were being passed on but that she was actually profiting from my generosity - it never occurred to me that she wouldn't just pass on the stuff that was still wearable!

I have got to say I won't be passing anything else on as I feel really let down that she tried to profit.

sorebore · 31/05/2010 21:50

By introducing a commercial element you might be sort of breaking the spirit of her giving you the clothes. Gifts are rarely sensible or rational, so if you are going to profit by money you should at least run it by her, or, as others have suggested, suggest to her that you either pass them on again, give them to charity, or you sell them for her and give her the money.

Meglet · 31/05/2010 21:55

YABU. Hand-me-downs should stay as hand-me-downs and be passed to someone else or given to charity. It seems bad manners to flog it and make some cash.

I only sell clothes that I have bought myself, everything else goes to charity.

Cretaceous · 31/05/2010 21:58

Beagle, I agree with you. It's nice to give, and it's especially nice to give to someone who is also generous and wants to give on to someone else.

I was given all my baby things, and I passed them all on for free to another friend. I'd be really upset to think she'd not also passed them on to someone. Yet really it makes no logical sense, as they were a gift to her with no strings attached.

notquitenormal · 31/05/2010 22:09

I give a lot of my DSs old clothes to my cousin, who has a boy a year younger.

I think I would be a bit nonplussed if she asked me if I minded her selling them on. I can't imagine why I would care; they're baby clothes not diamonds. I gave it away, it's nothing to do with me anymore.

Seems I'm in the minority though.

miso · 31/05/2010 22:39

Depends on your relationship to her I think.

A rich friend who's passing on stuff because she knows you're skint may be quite happy for you to make a bit extra by ebaying them - it's not like that entails no work at all, even if the resale value is high. But I think I'd still mention it just in case.

If she's as skint as you are, but saves up to buy hardwearing clothes for her dc, then its a bit mean to profit from that.

cat64 · 01/06/2010 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

moodlepoodle · 01/06/2010 07:08

I would pass the stuff on to a friend but I dont know anyone with a younger son.

I do pass all my little girls clothes on to a friend (all of which I buy myself!)

OP posts:

sunshiney · 01/06/2010 07:10

hmmm, can just about see past flogging the clothes once you're done with them.

but your comment about not mentioning ebay in case she sells things herself in future before you get your mitts on them - grasping!

and then you go on to reiterate that later in the thread - so still not seeing the issue with that are you.

IMO it sounds as if you don't really deserve regular gifts of good quality second hand clothes!

sunnydelight · 01/06/2010 07:22

I would ask her if she wants them back and if she says "no, pass them on" would feel happy about ebaying them but I have to say I would treat her to lunch or something with the proceeds. You have had the use of the clothes so if there is a "profit" after it would be the right thing to share.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 01/06/2010 07:24

I agree with the majority here. You're being upfront with us that you don't want to mention eBay to her in case she decides to make a profit from her clothes instead of giving them to you. Can you not see how that comes across? You want a) free clothes and b) to make a profit at the end of it, and c) are reluctant to therefore even admit the eBaying to your friend, so that's a lie of omission right there.

Clothes worn by two little boys, even good quality clothes, can't be all that flash looking anymore. Give them to a charity shop, or eBay them and buy your friend a thank you present with the money you raise.

Original poster

moodlepoodle · 01/06/2010 07:41

I think some of you are being a little unkind - I dont want her to sell the stuff on ebay before she gives them to me - is that being grasping I dont actually think it is.

It would not have thought of selling the stuff on ebay until another friend told me that boden stuff sells really well.

It would not be appropriate to ask her if she wants the stuff back as clearly she doesnt - her son has grown out of them.

I should point out that although I am ot close friends with this person it is not a one way relationship I do alot for her. Giving her lifts, helping her with childcare etc.

OP posts:

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