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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my friends should have said something?

95 replies

mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 17:16

My friend just had ds2 for 5 minutes for me to pop to the shop.
When I got back he was as happy as can be playing with a little v-tech baby toy (hes 6 months).
My friend said 'oh he likes that take it home with you and bring it back when you want we only keep it here for babies).

Just as we stepped out the door her dd (4.2) started screaming that she didnt want the toy to come to my house, literally throwing herself on the floor screaming 'nooooooo i want it'!

Neither of them said anything so I said 'and next time you want to borrow something from me Im not going to give it to you'

I just couldnt help it, shes such a whiney only child and if that had been mine Id have said 'stop being so silly its a baby toy' or similar, I was that they just let her continue.

I know I was a bit mean, but Ive just lent her a cowboy hat for school etc and we always borrow stuff only live 4 doors away.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 28/05/2010 17:20

Perhaps you could have worded it differently....perhaps the mum was embarrassed.

unltd · 28/05/2010 17:20

Yes she is only 4

Original poster

mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 17:26

only 4!!!

I think I taught mine to share from the age of about 2, but maybe I just have different parenting ideas obviously

OP posts:

dalek · 28/05/2010 17:29

She might have been whiny even if she wasn't an only child [mother of only child sick of stereotyping of only children as whiny and spoilt emoticon]

Original poster

mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 17:32

sorry dalek I didnt mean it like that, shes just a bit precious. I am an only child but I was never allowed to be a brat, I always had to share and behave well when we were out etc

OP posts:

paisleyleaf · 28/05/2010 17:33

Did you come away with the toy, or did she get to keep it in the end?

dalek · 28/05/2010 17:36

Don't worry mosschops - I am perhaps being a bit oversensitive. FWIW I have would have said littlemosschops is just going to borrow it and if that's the only toy you want to play with I can get rid of all of your other toys - that usually reminded DD that she still had other toys to play with.

It's so difficult though isn't it when people have different parenting styles.

GeekOfTheWeek · 28/05/2010 17:37

YANBU at all imo. Wouldn't have let my eldest 2 behave like that at 4.

diddl · 28/05/2010 17:44

I wouldn´t have told her she couldn´t borrow anything-would just have ignored as the others were doing.

Thediaryofanobody · 28/05/2010 17:50

YABU she was 4 what's your excuse for acting like a brat?

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 28/05/2010 17:50

You shouldn't have had to say anything. If they were my child I would have been the one explaining.

I know 4 year olds can be different (DS1 and angel, DS2 less so) but I would never leave it to you to say yes or no to my child.

If you had to then you had to. You weren't stealing it.

callmeDave · 28/05/2010 17:55

As far as a 4yo is concerned, that is her toy, not her mothers. It doesn't matter if its too babyish for her or she has borrowed a cowboy hat from you. You didn't ask her if you could borrow/have it and neither did her mother. If you go into someones house and walk away with their toys without checking with the toys owner first then you should expect an amount of whining, imo. I think the problem is you thought you were borrowing/sharing and she thought you were taking without asking/stealing. Its not an unreasonable mistake for a 4yo to make in the circs.
I would have said something if I was her mother but if I were you I would have asked if she minded if you borrowed it, rather than tell her you were taking it anyway and weren't going to share with her again.

OrmRenewed · 28/05/2010 17:55

Not sure why you thought you had to say something. It was up to her parents to speak - or not and then you should leave the toy. They might have kept it for visiting babies, she clearly felt differently.

sorebore · 28/05/2010 17:56

yabu by saying something so petty to a 4 yo. Your baby was hardly going to miss the v-tech, your friend was hardly going to get into an argument with a child throwing a tantrum, maybe the little girl was jealous the baby was getting attention and it was up to her mum to explain to her once you had gone.

diddl · 28/05/2010 17:56

If it was her toy then I think it wasn´t very nice of the parents to lend it without asking her.

But tbh OP, I think you spoke really horribly & childishly to her

Original poster

mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 17:57

she got to keep it in the end they clearly waited for me to hand it back to her

thediary I wasnt being a brat, merely poiting out that if youre not willing to share with others then others will not share with you.

diddl they werent ignoring her they were just waiting for me to hand it back there was no 'go on take it' or 'dont be silly'

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/05/2010 17:58

I agree with callmeDave

Original poster

mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 18:00

her mother told her that ds2 was just going to borrow it and that I could bring it back in the morning but the tantrum continued, and they then waited for me to hand it back to stop the tantrum

OP posts:

Chandra · 28/05/2010 18:00

I'm with Dave, my mother used to do that with our toys, we had no right of opinion when she was disposing of them, she didn't give a sh*t if it was our favourite toy. I still think it was mean, and no, I'm not an only child.

So, although I think it is bad for the girl to act like that, you have acted even worse.

diddl · 28/05/2010 18:01

Yes, perhaps as far as she was concerned,someone was taking one of her toys without her permission-no wonder she was upset.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/05/2010 18:01

Ok, I see your point then. Giving in to a tantrum not good

Greensleeves · 28/05/2010 18:01

I agree with diddl's last point

I don't lend out my children's belongings without consulting them

and I do think you were mean in your comment to the upset 4yo

OrmRenewed · 28/05/2010 18:02

I seem to remember a thread on here recently about someone whose partner threw away her possessions. The general consensus was that he was an arse. These parents are doing the same thing as far as I can see.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 18:02

ah well thats life, if she keeps being parented the way she is its gonna be one long misery-fest for her

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 28/05/2010 18:02

mosschops - I am surprised you said that tbh. Were you trying to teach the child about sharing or were you just pissed off and having a strop?

BTW are you sure your baby is 6 months?

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