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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friends should have said something?

95 replies

mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 17:16

My friend just had ds2 for 5 minutes for me to pop to the shop.
When I got back he was as happy as can be playing with a little v-tech baby toy (hes 6 months).
My friend said 'oh he likes that take it home with you and bring it back when you want we only keep it here for babies).

Just as we stepped out the door her dd (4.2) started screaming that she didnt want the toy to come to my house, literally throwing herself on the floor screaming 'nooooooo i want it'!

Neither of them said anything so I said 'and next time you want to borrow something from me Im not going to give it to you'

I just couldnt help it, shes such a whiney only child and if that had been mine Id have said 'stop being so silly its a baby toy' or similar, I was that they just let her continue.

I know I was a bit mean, but Ive just lent her a cowboy hat for school etc and we always borrow stuff only live 4 doors away.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
pagwatch · 28/05/2010 18:23

I agree with the baby too

Original poster
mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 18:27

oh well then diddl that makes you so much better than me ....congrats!

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 18:27

lol sassy dont think they could turn em' in 5 minnutes

OP posts:
IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 28/05/2010 18:32

What an odd thing to say to someone else's 4 year old

whomovedmychocolate · 28/05/2010 18:34

Gosh how rude of you to tell off a small child!!! Particularly in front of the parents who have just done you a favour by looking after your baby .

Small children do get upset when they think they have been wronged. You losing your temper was really out of order though, you could quite easily have got down to her level and say 'if it's not okay for us to borrow this, tell me that nicely and we won't borrow it'.

Yes the parents should have intervened but that's no reason for you to be rude.

YABU - she's four FFS. And only child or not she learns from example, what have you taught her other than to be mean?

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 28/05/2010 18:36

I think fair enough to say 'I'm only borrowing it, it's nice to share' or similar. But 'Yeah? Well in that case I'm not sharing with you either so naaaah!' Very odd.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 28/05/2010 18:36

am buggin out before I say something else nasty

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 28/05/2010 18:38

Did you also put your thumb on your nose and say 'ner ner'?

grapeandlemon · 28/05/2010 18:40

You sound like you have no social skills and are very immature.

I would have said something like "oh it's hard to share isn't it? and diffused the situation. She is only four and is not obliged to lend out her toys to your son.

As for your stereotyping of "whiny only children"

sorebore · 28/05/2010 18:51

ah well thats life, if she keeps being >parented the way she is its gonna be one long >misery-fest for her

pretty miserable for her to deal with grown ups who clearly don't understand a 4 yo's mentality (unless you thought it was acceptable to wind her up), is overly judgmental, uses her parents to mind her child then bitches about them and is prejudiced about only children.....

Why did you not just walk away and leave it? Who cares if the 4 year old was upset other than her parents - it is hardly your place to escalate things further. So will you be leaving your baby there again? Would you be happy if your friend read what you said about her child? grow up!

MintHumbug · 28/05/2010 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunawayWife · 28/05/2010 18:54

YANBU I really dislike kids that behave like that

mrsbean78 · 28/05/2010 18:56

Totally and utterly U.

Not your place to make the other mother feel crap for not stepping in there first when she'd been minding your ds for you and certainly not your place to 'teach a lesson' to her dd by - what? - acting like another 4 year old?

I wouldn't mind your child again if I were the other mum.

diddl · 28/05/2010 18:56

Yes with adults being rude or not considering her, I can´t imagine why she might have tantrums.

tethersend · 28/05/2010 18:59

I dislike kids who behave like that too.

Which is why I tend not to copy them.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 28/05/2010 18:59

YABVVVU

that toy belongs to the girl, not her parents, and it is not theirs to give away. Wouldn't you be a bit pissed off if your DP said to a guest, 'oh here, have this thing that belongs to dalek - she never uses it anyway' and it was something you'd not seen for a while and had forgotten you had?

You spoke very rudely and childishly to her - do you think she'll learn good manners from being spoken to like that, or disrespected in such a manner!

FFS! Children are people, you know, and have feelings!

MintHumbug · 28/05/2010 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mittz · 28/05/2010 19:24

My DD gets very attached to her toys and she is 7. She will share money, sweets without a second thought, but is protective of her things.
I respect that especially as she is so kind hearted in other ways.

DS wouldn't share his sweets if your life depended on it but would have probably given you nearly any toy you wanted.

Maybe she reacted badly because it was handled badly. I'm with the 'she's only 4' way of thinking. I would have asked (as the mother) if DD minded if little 'x' borrowed something.

giveitago · 28/05/2010 19:28

Well I make ds share - doesn't mean he likes it.

diddl · 28/05/2010 19:30

But she was being asked to lend it-or rather she wasn´t!

kitbit · 28/05/2010 19:30

I am really shocked that you spoke that way to a 4 year old. How mean and spiteful of you. Tantrums can be a child's way of communicating frustration in the only way they can articulate. She wasn't asked and you were taking without permission which she has been told is wrong.
Were you really that surprised and did you really think that was a kind thing to say to an upset child?

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 28/05/2010 19:38

You make your DS share, giveitago? How respectful of you!

Glad no one makes me share my precious things with other people.

qwertpoiuy · 28/05/2010 19:40

YABabitU
I'm thinking about it from the child's POV.

When I was young, we used to have American relations call over to visit/stay during the Summertime and when they would be leaving, my mother would always give them something I really liked (because she thought they'd like it too) and as a result I hated them coming to the house.

I had saved up to buy Madonna's True Blue album(sad I know!), and Mum gave it away to a relation and never replaced it as she had promised me.
And I found out years later my relation never played it once as she hated Madonna!

Sorry long rant, but I can see how upsetting it is for the child to have something she likes taken away from her.

diddl · 28/05/2010 19:40

My daughter tries her hardest to make me give share!

winnybella · 28/05/2010 19:50

Are we talking here about the child's favourite toy, or just something she had as a baby and now doesn't want to part with for a short time 'just because'?

If I were the mother and the toy was something I knew my child doesn't play with anymore, I would have insisted that you take it and also would have dealt with the child.

If you know the mum and the kid really well, I don't think it was out of line to say what you said. If not, then perhaps it was a bit much, as it could be perceived as a criticism of the parents' way of (lack of) dealing with the situation.

My dad gave away some of my favourite toys to the gypsy kids one summer and I was devastated. It doesn't seem to have been the same issue with your friend's dd, though.