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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my DH BU about organ donation

105 replies

Hai1988 · 27/05/2010 21:47

Today i was in my local chemist picking up a prescription when i noticed a organ donation leaflet to register and i had been thinking about it for a while as my nan had a heart transplant before she died and it gave her an extra 20 years (she was 50 when she had the op)
I took the leaflet and took it home, when i got home i showed to to by DH and asked what he thought, and he point blank told me he didnt want me to register. I asked him why, and he said that i was his wife and he didnt want some1 else having part of me when the time came.
He wasnt being mean about it, it was kinda sweet
But i do feel quite strongly about this and now dont no what to do
What do you lot think??

OP posts:
Cretaceous · 27/05/2010 21:48

Get him to register instead as you don't mind someone having a little bit of him

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/05/2010 21:49

YOur body, your choice. I would get the card and register.

SilveryMoon · 27/05/2010 21:49

I think if you want to become an organ donor then you do it.
I'm an organ donor.

Maybe in a few days you could talk to your dh again and ask him what particular organs he wouldn't want you to donate and come to a compromise?
A friend of mine has stated he does not want his eyes to be used, anything else is fine, but not his eyes.

TheFirstLady · 27/05/2010 21:50

Ask him if he would mind you having part of someone else if it would keep you alive.
If someone is prepared to accept an organ, they should be prepared to donate one.

Rockbird · 27/05/2010 21:51

I think the only person who has the right to decide what happens to your body is you.

outnumbered2to1 · 27/05/2010 21:51

i think that on this issue he has to respect your wishes. If you have signed the forms and are a registered organ donor i think that he actually has very little say in whether or not they harvest your organs should (god forbid) anything happen to you.

I could be wrong but i think they have or are changing the legislation regarding this so that if you have signed the forms they no longer need to ask permission from your family or next of kin.

cruelladepoppins · 27/05/2010 21:52

How would he feel if YOU needed a transplant but someone else's spouse wouldn't "allow" them to donate?

I signed up to a donor card when I was younger, against the wishes of my parents (although I was still over 18). My body, my choice, I reckon.

Anyway, our organs only decay if they are not transplanted - I think it's nice that a bit of you has a chance to live on and help someone else.

Good luck.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/05/2010 21:52

My husband says that if I am in an accident and they tell him there's no hope and ask for my organs he will say no.

Because....

He thinks - TRULY thinks - that they don't try as hard to save you, not consciously, but on some level they are thinking that they can help several people.

I have told him that is bollocks. I have signed up to the register. But he won't shift. He honestly believes they give up on you sooner if you are registered as a donor.

I love him but on this I could cheerfully kick his arse to the moon and back!

IsItMeOr · 27/05/2010 21:52

Yes, your DH is BVU.

Remind him your nan would have died 20 years earlier without somebody "letting" her have a piece of their family member.

Honestly, I think he's being pretty ignorant, and I wouldn't find it sweet, I would find it annoying.

But then I am non-religious and have no concerns with what happens to my body after I'm done with it - although I have asked DH to promise to check I'm properly dead before anybody cremates me .

myredquattro · 27/05/2010 21:54

Do you have children?

If one of them is in the unfortunate position of ever needing an organ will he/you refuse and let your child die because you don't agree with organ donation?

You cannot in all good conscience be willing to accept an organ for yourself or your children yet be unwilling to donate after you are dead.

If you would be willing to accept and live/give your child a chance at life then you must also be willing to give someone else a chance in the event of your death.

HelenRosie · 27/05/2010 21:55

Many families get comfort knowing that a tragic death has enabled others to live. I can understand people not wanting to think about their partner dying but I can't understand why anyone would think it preferable for their partner to have a tragic death where no good comes out of it over one that can go on to enable others to live.

squeaver · 27/05/2010 22:03

Hecate - my Dh thinks the same. I have a donor card and he doesn't. It's a big bone of contention between us and I have publicly told other members of my family that I want to donate my organs and they have to over-ride him if he tries to get arsey about it.

lovely74 · 27/05/2010 22:04

You need to sit down and explain why you feel so strongly about this. Especially as you have personal experience how amazing the transplant program is.
I strongly believe in the opt-out system advocated by the last government, and I am always shocked that it is still the case that someone can be on the register and family can still refuse should the awful occasion arise that they are asked. I understand that it is very personal and it is not something everyone would want to do (but agree with the above postings that you could not then in all good conscience accept an organ either) it is YOUR body and YOUR decisiion to do this wonderful thing.
Talk to him.

MadamDeathstare · 27/05/2010 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirBoobAlot · 27/05/2010 22:33

I've been on the register for a few years now - they can have everything except my corneas. I feel really weird about someone having part of my eyes for some reason .

DP isn't on the register and we disagree about whether DS should go on it or not.

SirBoobAlot · 27/05/2010 22:36

Meant to say - personally, I think it should be "opt out" rather than "opt in", and in the event of a death, if the individual has not declared any wish against having their organs donated, they should be used where they can.

So few organs are able to be used as it is - we need more to be available.

wannaBe · 27/05/2010 22:43

it is your choice but I'm afraid that as next of kin he would have the final say anyway.

I used to know someone who was a nurse and who actually said she had seen evidence that they try less hard to save someone if their organs can be used.

I am on the register but tbh I feel really uncomfortable about putting my ds on there.

Cicatrice · 27/05/2010 22:44

I'm on the register. As far as I'm concerned once you're gone you're gone - certainly as far as the physical body is concerned.

You could do so much good, at no cost to yourself. Why the hell not?

Sassybeast · 27/05/2010 22:46

So he wouldn't want you to have a life saving transplant if it meant you had a little bit of someone else ? Don't think he's thought this one through

Wannabe - what field did your friend who used to be a nurse work in ?

Northernlurker · 27/05/2010 22:51

It simply isn't true that they don't try as hard to save you if they think they can donate your organs. Why on earth would that be true - that professionals who spend their lives saving others would suddenly decide that 'oh this life isn't up too much, lets kill them off and then we can donate the organs to someone else who is bound to make better use of them' It's absurd and insulting.
Sadly in every profession there are some people who think they see things that they don't, who exaggerate for effect and who perpetuate myths. Wannabe - I think your friend falls in to that category. If she had really seen that sort of thing then she should speak out and have people prosecuted - but she didn't.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 27/05/2010 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeraldineAubergine · 27/05/2010 23:08

I am a theatre nurse and have been involved in transplants and organ retrivals. There is nothing so amazing as to be involved in changing someones life for the better or facilitating someones hope to help others after they have died. The teams I have worked with have done everything in their power to offer the best care for donors and recipients alike. I feel privelaged to be part of the process.

bruxeur · 27/05/2010 23:12

I think it's very simple. If you're not on the register, you don't qualify for a donated organ if you ever need one.

That should push the numbers up a bit...

PlumBumMum · 27/05/2010 23:14

I remember my mum being shocked when she heard I had registered ubtil I said what if 1 of the dcs needed one....

shabbapinkfrog · 27/05/2010 23:14

My DS3 (was 7 years old at the time) got himself a donor card from the chemist. He wanted to know if he could get a willy donation because he said his was too small

He wrote his name on the card and he always kept it in his pocket. He said that anybody could have anything of his when he died - just as long as he could have a big willy!!!!!

A couple of months later he was killed in a RTA - because of his crush injuries he could only donate his corneas.....I told the nurses to check in his shorts pocket and look for his donor card. They were suprised that he carried one.

Both his corneas were used and they assured me that two children would have been given the gift of sight thanks to my precious lad.

I think organ donation is amazing.

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