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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my DH BU about organ donation

105 replies

Hai1988 · 27/05/2010 21:47

Today i was in my local chemist picking up a prescription when i noticed a organ donation leaflet to register and i had been thinking about it for a while as my nan had a heart transplant before she died and it gave her an extra 20 years (she was 50 when she had the op)
I took the leaflet and took it home, when i got home i showed to to by DH and asked what he thought, and he point blank told me he didnt want me to register. I asked him why, and he said that i was his wife and he didnt want some1 else having part of me when the time came.
He wasnt being mean about it, it was kinda sweet
But i do feel quite strongly about this and now dont no what to do
What do you lot think??

OP posts:
Trafficcone · 27/05/2010 23:15

He's being a selfish twunt. As is anyone who won't go on the register.

expatinscotland · 27/05/2010 23:17

It's his body, his choice.

Sassybeast · 27/05/2010 23:20

Expatinscotland - it's his wifes body that he's trying to take control of - therefore 'not' his choice at all.

SirBoobAlot · 27/05/2010 23:21

Oh Shabba, that's so sad and yet so sweet at the same time. What a wonderful little lad (Am so sorry for your loss. x)

scurryfunge · 27/05/2010 23:22

I carry a donor card, though I'm not sure anyone would want my liver.

shabbapinkfrog · 27/05/2010 23:26

Sirboob - thank you for your kind words. My DS3 died 18 years ago and he was one in a million - funny, rude, charming, smiley and a real ladies man I hope he has now got a massive willy in heaven - surely he will be allowed to. xxxx

Can I also add - without being too morbid - I saw DS3 several times after he had donated his corneas and, believe me, you could not tell that any operation had been carried out AND when we went to see him in the chapel of rest he had a smile on his face. Some of us live for a hundred years and others only live a short time - my DS3 packed more into his almost 8 years of life than anybody I have ever met x

shabbapinkfrog · 27/05/2010 23:27

Scurry - my liver will have apple pips in it!!! I am a fan of strong white cider

Clothilde · 27/05/2010 23:30

My baby niece is waiting for a donated organ. If I die in he appropriate circumstances, I would love for the last thing that I do to be to save the life of someone like my niece and several other people. I would talk to him about it some more.

EricNorthmansmistress · 27/05/2010 23:35

Oh Shabba I shed a wee tear at that. What an amazing boy. OP, your DH is being very unreasonable. I think it's pathetic and insulting to medical staff to believe that they would ever 'not try' to save a patient and if you would accept an organ for yourself or your family you are morally obligated to be a donor.

SirBoobAlot · 27/05/2010 23:38

I'm sure he has, Shabba! I am smiling at your story and yet have a lump in my throat at the same time. x

Could do with a drink myself!

shabbapinkfrog · 27/05/2010 23:39

Cheers!!! His picture is on my profile pics....I think it is one of the last pictures....he was amazing!

weegiemum · 27/05/2010 23:42

Even if you do carry a donor card, at the moment it is still up to your next of kin whether or not your organs can be used. They can over-ride your wishes.

They can have any bit of me they want (though they're not going to want my stone-infested left kidney or possibly my liver either ). And we've talked it through with our kids - dd1 (10) said "but I wouldn't need those bits any more I want another girl who needs them to have them". Children are good at cutting through the crap about things like this. Shabba, what an amazing son! You must still be so proud of him!

SirBoobAlot · 27/05/2010 23:43

They're all lovely pictures Your sons are beautiful (I never say were, just so you know. Always are.) - and your Grandson is fantastically cheeky

shabbapinkfrog · 27/05/2010 23:43

Forever proud xxxx

scurryfunge · 27/05/2010 23:45

Shabba,what lovely photos.....(little tear)...what a thoughful boy.

KillerCleavage · 28/05/2010 00:00

Oh Shabba what a wonderful, lovely boy you created. You have every reason to be very proud but you don't need anyone else to tell you that. I too hope he has a willy of impressive proportions!

I'm not on the register but both DP and DS know that I would be happy to donate my organs and are both instructed to do what is required. I just can't quite bring myself to fill out the card (weird tempting fate fear) and see little point as my next of kin (DS) will have the final say anyway even though I have threatened to haunt them if they don't obey. Doubt anyone would want my lungs or liver anyway being a fag addicted lush but anything else they find useful they can have!

DP would also donate but DS can't as he's had cancer.

Theantsgomarching · 28/05/2010 00:07

My sisters DH said recently that he wouldn't donate to which she replied that he'd be "bloody dead and could do nothing about the fact that she would let them take what they could use".....made me laugh. On a more serious note really wish they'd change it so that you had to opt out, it would save so many lives

weegiemum · 28/05/2010 00:08

Shabba - love your photos.

weegiemum · 28/05/2010 00:09

Anyone who was on MN while misdee's Peter was waiting for a heart must be on the donor register by now ... that's why you should do it!

ScreaminEagle · 28/05/2010 01:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/05/2010 01:23

Organ donation issues aside, I don't think it's at all sweet that your husband seems to think your body is his property. "You're mine and I don't want someone else having a part of you" indeed.

Ugh.

BritFish · 28/05/2010 01:48

Shabba, i've just woken DH up with my sniffling at your wonderful DS. I've never got round to filling in a donor card, but i will do it first thing tomorrow. and i will be showing my DS and DD this thread and hope they do the same.
oh i've come over all emotional, -must be that time- [takes a glass of cider] what a gorgeous boy. i hope other mumsnetters are prompted to do the same and sign up ASAP!

thumbwitch · 28/05/2010 02:16

Shabba - sod little tear, I am outright bawling. Your wonderful boy!

I am also pretty sure that as things stand at the moment, even if you are on the register, it is still ultimately up to your next of kin whether or not your organs can be used. This is Not On, imo, and should be changed. It's disrespectful of the wishes of the person on the register and selfish.

TheBride · 28/05/2010 02:57

Shabba- thanks for sharing your story. I am also a corneal transplant recipient.

Many adults do feel weird about their corneas being used I know, or see it as "less critical" because blindness doesnt kill anyone but I know that I am extremely grateful to my donor. Also, to clear up any misconceptions, the cornea is "the windscreen" at the front of your eye- what you rest your contact lense on, not your eyeball itself.

Sadly, because have been a transplant patient myself, I am now not allowed to be a blood or organ donor.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/05/2010 07:24

OP, your DP is being very unreasonable. Both me and DH are on the register to donate, he hadn't even considered it before his 'new' driving licence arrived with a space on it. I've been on it since I was 18.
The poster who wrote that the medics don't try as hard with those whose organs are potentially transplantable is talking utter cock. I've been in theatre (like Geraldine) when organs have been harvested. It is a magical moment. Opt out is the only way to go IMO.