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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

getting rid of my nephews dummy bottle and pram when he comes away with us?

93 replies

NewBirdOnTheBlock · 24/05/2010 22:08

We're going abroad in 4 weeks for a week. My nephew is coming, along with dh dd (2years) and me. We told him we would take him last year as his mum would rather do 3 hen dos abroad than take him anywhere (seperate rant!)

SO, I asked her today does he have everything and she said yes my mum bought all his clothes, shes got him new dummys and bottles. I nearly choked on my coke. He is 5.

My own dd has neither dummys nor bottles and will only go in her pram with great protest so AIBU not wanting to take him away on learning he still has these things? I cba sterilising dummys/looking for them etc. aside from the embarrassment of being seen with a (very big, looks about 7) child with a dummy in his mouth. I had assumed last year when we booked that he no longer had any of these.

It is not his fault. His mum is the 'anything for an easy life' sort and babyfies him a lot. Would it be unreasonable of me to not take any of these things along in the hope to get him off them? I do not see in any way why it is neccessary for a 5 year old to have a dummy or a bottle. I don't want to not take him because of it, he is really looking forward to it but the thought of it is making me feel queasy tbh. So, should I go by her rules and pamper and babyfy the child or, as I paid for him, will have 24/7 care and responsibility for him, should it be my rules and these things go in the bin when he gets here, hopefully never to be seen again?

OP posts:

Pattertwig · 24/05/2010 22:09

does he have any sn that may mean it makes life better for him / mum?

do you really have to sterilise it? I wouldn't...

FairhairedandFrustrated · 24/05/2010 22:11

He's not your son, ergo, not your call to bin his stuff.

You sound superior tbh....

overmydeadbody · 24/05/2010 22:11

Can't imsgine the holiday would be much fun for anyone if you use it as an opportunity to make the nephew go cold turkey on a dummy and bottles.

TrinityMeemaRhino · 24/05/2010 22:12

not your call at all

LauraNorder · 24/05/2010 22:13

Sorry but not your place to do that.

BecauseImWorthIt · 24/05/2010 22:13

TBH no matter what you feel about a dummy or a bottle (do they really make you queasy?)it's none of your business.

And if they're things that give him comfort, who are you to take them away from him?

ginnny · 24/05/2010 22:13

I'd 'forget' to pack them. But dummies are a pet hate of mine, at any age. Weird for a 5 year old to have bottles and buggy too imo

Rockbird · 24/05/2010 22:13

Nice, so because you have issues with his mother you're going to penalise the poor little sod by taking away his comforters when he's also away from his mother. It's none of your business what he does or doesn't have, take him as he is or don't take him at all.

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 24/05/2010 22:14

Sorry, but for your poor nephew.

So what if he has a dummy or a bottle. It's not like he's 15.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 24/05/2010 22:14

I would

TrinityMeemaRhino · 24/05/2010 22:14

what rockbird said

blonde36er · 24/05/2010 22:14

You wouldn't need to sterilise them as he's over 1 year old. Does he have them all the time or is it just a bedtime 'thing' now?

You never know, he might wean himself off them on the holiday anyway with his mum not around...

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 24/05/2010 22:15

I wouldn't leav them at home. and I wouldn't set out to rid him of them

BUT I wouldn't have any problem with encouraging him to walk with your child rather than autmatically bringing the buggy everywhere, and I wouldn't see a problem with trying to avoid him using his dummy

However the alst thing I would want is a distressed child in a foreign country who is away from his mum who wants his regular source of comfort. It is supposed to be a holiday for him to not an educational trip

compo · 24/05/2010 22:15

Your poor nephew
he'll be without his mum and you want to take away his comforters too

spybear · 24/05/2010 22:15

Not your place at all to do this. You don't need to sterilise them. You could say he has to keep his dummy in his bed.

jkklpu · 24/05/2010 22:16

It's not really up to you to do this. And you could well be creating a rod for your own back, either if your nephew refuses and makes merry hell, for which you couldn't really blame him, or if it destroyed the relationship with your sister. I'm left wondering how well you know this wee boy if you didn't know that he still used these things. Sounds a bit odd to say that, because you've paid for this, you can take decisions on behalf of his parents.

herladyshiplovesedward · 24/05/2010 22:16

i would only take those things off him if you are prepared to have your holiday ruined by a very unhappy 5 year old! and also if you have a heart of stone to resist his pleas!

Pozzled · 24/05/2010 22:17

It's not your choice to make, binning those things. For a 5 year-old to go abroad without his parents is quite a big deal, you are talking about taking away all the things that comfort him.

I do have some sympathy about the pram however, as that adds quite considerably to your luggage. IS there any reason why he would still need a pram, or is it just that he has not yet got used to walking? Can you actually manage it with all your other luggage?

MillyR · 24/05/2010 22:17

I don't think you should take him if you have such negative feelings about him. It is going to be an awful experience for him. Very sad.

JackBauer · 24/05/2010 22:17

God, don';t be so smug and superior.
Fair enough re the buggy but leave his bottles and dummy, you are not his mother, whetehr youi agree with them or not.

MiniMousse · 24/05/2010 22:18

He is FIVE. Yes, its too old to have dummies, bottles etc, but he is FIVE, and he is going to be away from his mum, home and all that is familiar, with you, in another country. No matter what your relationship with him, and how well you get on with him, and how good a time he seems to be having, I will place money now that at bedtime he might get a bit miserable, start missing mummy etc. It seems pretty mean to take his comfort objects away from him when at that moment, they may well represent his most tangible 'link to home'.

BatEars · 24/05/2010 22:18

YABU. He isn't your child. Maybe he needs those things for comfort, particularly when coming away without his mum. He's only 5. If you hadn't realised he still has these things, maybe he only uses them in private - at bedtime for example- which is not all that unusual.

And you don't need to sterilise dummies etc for a child that age. A quick run under the tap (he can do it himself) should suffice.

Rockbird · 24/05/2010 22:21

I had a dummy till I was seven. It lived under my pillow and I used it to get to sleep. It never left the house and no one knew I had it. I'm not mentally scarred by it and I don't have one now so it's a fuss about nothing IMO

cat64 · 24/05/2010 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BatEars · 24/05/2010 22:23

Actually, I wish my nearly 4 year old DD had a dummy. It might stop her constantly sucking her thumb.

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