To be really upset for my friend

[loolop]

It's her dd's 3rd birthday on wednesday and she had a little party for her at her house today...and me and my dd were the only ones who turned up. Was really sad my lovely friend had done lots of food, games, toys in the garden and 8 party bags out on the side. Was awful, her nan was there also but that was it. Invitees, who were a mixture of family and friends, had all said they were coming and then didn't bother. Most didn't even bother to ring/text to say why.

Just feel awful for her, she's a single mum who works f/t and had put time,effort and money in to today. Just feel grrrr on her behalf!

Her poor dd said as we were leaving 'is my party finished mummy, only dd came'

Who are all these people who accept invites and then just don't turn up?

Maybe I've been lucky but its only happened with my DCs parties twice, one parent is a known flake and so half expected the child not to turn up and the other time was during a school holiday and I think they just forgot.

The flakey mum has two DCs who are in the same classes as two of my DCs so at the next birthday I invited the other sibling but made arrangements on the basis that they wouldn't come only to find that they turned up and caused much last minute kerfuffle so you just can't win.

I'd love to see a thread from people who do treat others like this and find out how their minds work.

Oh my goodness - have just logged back on and am so overwhelmed by the absolute lovliness (sp?) of you all! Am welling up again. It says so much that total strangers would be prepared to do this for her DD when her own family couldnt be bothered to turn up.

I will definately show her this tonight - I would hazard a guess though that she will be thrilled to pieces with the support & the generosity but would probably not be able to take you up on this lovely lovely idea - just the words of support would probably be enough for her to feel so much better and restore some faith in the human race! She wouldnt be offended at all, and wouldnt see it as charity however so please dont worry - as someone said - it wasnt the presents at all it was that she felt her DD wasnt important enough for people to show up. I know she feels without her DD's dad in the picture that she is solely responsible for her happiness iyswim.

Am hoping this thread convinces her to join mumsnet and see what a fabulous place it can be!

I think the response was badly phrased, but (for example) if they aren't having a whole-class-plus-others party but have told their DD she can have (say) eight or ten friends to her party, it's perfectly reasonable for them to let her pick her own eight or ten friends rather than say "and of those eight or ten, you must include anyone you invited to your party last year, because otherwise they'll be offended".

She's started school, she's made a lot of new friends (and lots of new friends who are girls, right at the age where children tend to polarise into single-gender groups for a lot of their play). Your DS can't always be one of her Top Friends just because he was when she was four.

And this girl's parents don't have to have their children's parties the way you did when you were little. Maybe they want to do them the way they did when they were little, or maybe they have issues with what happened when they were little and want to do things differently.

I've read this thread fully through and have got really upset imagining the little girl's sadness.

The mother must be absolutely fuming and devastated as well.

I'm definitely up for a whip-round.

(that was to cupcakesandbunting, by the way)

Am to see how many others who have had poor attendance to their parties also. No-one told me how utterly heatbreaking being a mum can sometimes be!

To cupcakes - its a tough one - we have family friends that are a year or 2 older than DD, so have just started school - again she has always been to their parties and I think she would be quite if she was left out now but I guess I would understand if numbers were limited - not sure she would though!

My heart is breaking too for your lovely friend and her little girl.
Why are people so bloody nasty?
Sending your friend's little girl a very big hug and wishing punctures/diarrhoea/scurvy(?)on all who 'could not attend'.Bastards.

Loolop -- I understand that your friend may not want presents, but would she feel able to take up an offer for you and your DD and her and her DD to go out for a special trip instead? I'm sure people would be more than happy to fund a special trip to the theatre or the zoo or whatever else would be nice.

Cos while all of us are wanting to shout at the nasty nasty adults, and for your friend to feel better, I guess all of us are wanting even more for the little girl to still have a lovely time for her birthday.

We haven't ever bothered throwing parties, tbh.

DD1's birthday is near the end of the academic year (Scotland finishes at the end of June) so we plan a family day out or go to Edinburgh to see DH's family for the weekend.

DD2's birthday is near Xmas, so again, we go to Edinburgh for the weekend or meet them in the Perthshire Highlands where they hire a lodge for the weekend.

Next year, we'll hopefully going to the US to see my family for the summer holidays, so we'll be using that as excuse to get out of throwing parties.

But we've never, ever not turned up or not answered an invite at all.

Incidentally, wrt to weddings, my aunt once attended one where, when it was time to eat, guests queued up. A member of the hotel staff asked each if he/she had RSVP'd. If they said yes and she could find their name on the list of people who'd RSVP'd, they got to move to the buffet to eat. If they hadn't bothered to RSVP, they didn't eat.

What Slhilly just said.

I would be more than willing to put some money towards a treat for your friends' DD.

Her DDs' Birthday is important to people, all of us for sure, and I'd really like her to know that.

That should have been: I'd really like them both to know that.

It really upset me to read this thread. I would gladly chip in for a present also

I feel really sad when I read threads like this.DD1 had her b/day party last weekend and I wondered if there would be some no-shows.But no she invited 15 children they all said they would come and they all did.It would be very rare round here for people to either nor reply to an invite or to just not show.I wonder if living in a small village makes a difference.

I remember when I threw a party for my eldest. I've talked about it on here before more than once.

I know exactly how the OPs friend feels because I've felt it.

Only one child showed up to my son's party. Out of the whole bloody class.

And I know why. His autism. He's the weird kid and it's probably contagious.

But here's where it was better for me than the op - my son neither knew nor cared that the children hadn't come (or rather that the parents hadn't bothered). It was just me who was devestated. I really feel for the OPs friend, and the others on this thread who've had it happen to them because it's what? 6 years ago now and it still hurts when I think about it. Still makes me angry.

This is heart breaking, poor girl. I feel like all the local MNs should have a party for her or something. Tell her the invitations got muddled up first time so she's having another one.

Poor little sausage

Bastards!

This has really choked me up too, it is unbelievable how rude some people can be. poor little girl, we only had a small party for DD1 but she was still so excited to have 5 little friends there and blowing her candles out. i can't imagine how it would have felt if no-one had turned up.

i would be more than happy to chip a few £ in.

oh I am upset again reading this - it is the image of the poor little girl and her mum being all excited and getting everything ready and then just waiting ...

Loolop if not chipping in for a present, how about just sending a card - a mahoosive amount of post? Can we coordinate that? I'd happily chip in for pressie but understand it may not be what your friend wants...

It's a horrible feeling - have felt it myself at birthday parties I have had since "grown up" - I don't do them any more because of it.

It is just possible that one or two of them might have forgotten - I have forgotten a Thursday night dinner arrangement until Sunday morning before now - God was I mortified! I rang and apologised profusely and the friend in question was even kind enough to reprise the invitation (and the meal) - made damn sure I didn't forget that time.

However, I seriously doubt they ALL forgot.

Hecate - your story is even worse on the grounds of it being bigger numbers - so for you.

"It would be very rare round here for people to either not reply to an invite or to just not show.I wonder if living in a small village makes a difference."

I think that definitely DOES make a difference as the parents know they're going to see you again and there's probably more of a community feel/ the parents look forward to seeing each other as well.

I also wonder if it's less common when the parents are used to the etiquette of formal RSVP type invitations themselves (but I am trying not to think that as it makes me a ma-hoosive snob I know.....)

Thumbwitch- I also have to force myself to have parties and I always have a dinner, never just a "come to the house for drinks" as I am so scared no-one will come.

I'd explain to them all exactly what happened and how hurt the little girl was. If they have any decency they will get together to throw some kind of belated celebration or party for her at their expence and effort to give them a chance to redeem themselves and make the little girl happy. An afternoon at a soft play area with cake and presents would go along way.

I am taking notes for DS's future parties - I will make sure that I have all the parents' phone numbers for starters!
We had an invitation to a 1st birthday party a few weeks ago with an 'RSVP by..' on it - that made me more aware of remembering to RSVP so I shall use that too.

I think I am going to be far more militant on DS's behalf than I would be on my own - I will be phoning non-attendees without previous excuses to see where they are!

I am still gobsmacked at the family's response, tbh - can't believe they are so callous to a little girl.

scanty - nice idea but if they had any decency they would either have turned up or phoned to say why they couldn't make it, no?

heacate, we had a similar experience with my nephew's 5th birthday. My sister invited his whole class to a big softplay centre.

Only 2 children RSVP'd and showed up.

It was so sad to see his face at first but then he did get on and enjoy it.

This makes me want to cry... I would definitely be up for donating, or if not then we could all send cards - that would be very cool I think? Let us know

Saw my friend last night - she was so incredibly touched by this thread - I can't tell you what it meant to her, she was sobbing ( in a good way! ) at the kind words and support on here. She cannot believe the generosity, but she did say she would feel uncomfortable accepting anything for her dd. Think it would have been different if she was the one who was a member, had posted and understood how extraordinary mner's can be. She did want me to tell you all just how much it meant to her and in this case it really was the thought that counted.

On a positive note - she met one of the nursery mums at pick up time who was a no show. She had bought in a present for friends dd and was really apologetic - they had been called away at the weekend on an emergency and she hadn't taken my friends number to let her know. She was horrified no one else had shown. So we are going to arrange a lovely day out for weekend after next just the 3 little ones.

Her family otoh well let's just say I think it will be a long time before they are forgiven - no apology as yet!

Thanks again for the lovely responses - just hope this helps avoid such a horrible thing happening to anyone elses dc xx