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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset for my friend

126 replies

loolop · 23/05/2010 21:03

It's her dd's 3rd birthday on wednesday and she had a little party for her at her house today...and me and my dd were the only ones who turned up. Was really sad my lovely friend had done lots of food, games, toys in the garden and 8 party bags out on the side. Was awful, her nan was there also but that was it. Invitees, who were a mixture of family and friends, had all said they were coming and then didn't bother. Most didn't even bother to ring/text to say why.

Just feel awful for her, she's a single mum who works f/t and had put time,effort and money in to today. Just feel grrrr on her behalf!

Her poor dd said as we were leaving 'is my party finished mummy, only dd came'

OP posts:
waitingforbedtime · 24/05/2010 08:57

Poor wee soul. Why oh why do people behave like this?!

Fwiw we had about 10 people not show up to the (evening) reception of our wedding and we have never heard from them again! Very very very odd.

expatinscotland · 24/05/2010 08:58

That is so rude.

People do think it's acceptable, though, as evinced by the camping thread.

And that it's completely okay to stand folks up.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 24/05/2010 09:15

I honestly think that some people just don't know about good manners these days. I sound like my grandmother, but it's true. DD (3.10) is good friends with a girl at nursery, and they are the youngest, so thought it would be nice to encourage the friendship. Invited her friend and mom for lunch before nursery (they go to afternoon class). They have not invited us around, which is fine, but not even a 'let's meet up at the park...' Oh, and no 'thank you' letter or text after lunch, and where I come from, one always thanks one\s hosts.

So sorry for your friend's DD.

expatinscotland · 24/05/2010 09:21

A lot of people here for some reason seem to think it's no big deal to even stand up other adults.

Again, look at the camping thread.

It's like, oh, got another offer I like better, fuck you then.

BalloonSlayer · 24/05/2010 09:31

Poor little girl

What gets me about no-shows is that if there is a real reason why they couldn't come, ie illness, they tend to bring the card and present at the earliest opportunity, because they had bought it and had it all ready and would not dream of depriving the DC of it.

Ones that don't do this - you know they never intended to come.

BTW though, did the Mum send out proper invitations with an RSVP?

I only ask as remembering our neighbours wedding years ago, it was in a register office and a hotel afterwards; the bride was distraught as practically no one turned up. It turned out the useless bridegroom had been in charge of inviting people, which he did verbally. (ie in the pub.) So obviously people didn't come as they thought they weren't really being invited - they reasoned that if they were they'd have a proper invitation.

expatinscotland · 24/05/2010 09:42

We had to miss one party for swine flu and I texted to say, sorry, have swine flu and won't be along and then didn't deliver card/gift until we were all-clear.

Just chuckled, 'Sorry this is belated, but didn't think you wanted the gift of swine flu for your birthday.'

warthog · 24/05/2010 09:46

that is absolutely disgusting.

TheBride · 24/05/2010 09:49

ilovemydogandMrObama- I think I'd like your Grandmother! Manners should never go out of fashion and you're right, you should always thank your hosts, even if it is just a text/email.

Expatinscotland - I know. I was aghast at that thread too, and especially the "it's ok to do it- family time comes first" replies-[subtext:so screw everyone else]. Hope those people feel the same about friends being unimportant when their DH runs off with the au pair or when they're old and friendless and their kids only come by to see if they're dead yet.

Poledra · 24/05/2010 09:49

God, how awful for that little girl and her mother.

Do people really have no manners these days? I remember being taught the hard lesson by my mother that you do not accept an invitation and then not turn up because something better comes along. On the flip side, she would never let me be a second-string invitee either - if I wasn't good enough to be asked first time round, then I wouldn't go at all.

Also, my kids love a party, and would kill me if I didn't take them when I'd already said they could go.

MaryBS · 24/05/2010 10:04

Poor little girl

I forgot to take DD to a party once. But I was full of apologies to the child and her mother.

NewBirdOnTheBlock · 24/05/2010 10:09

Another emotional hormonal gibbering wreck over here too

People can be so so rude. I would make each and everyone feel as bad as that little girl, poor little thing.

Am I the only one who actually looks forward to kid's parties? I love them all dressed up and dancing, playing with their friends and being so happy. I have never turned an invite down, I orefer them to weddings and grown up parties!

I must admit, it almost happened to my dd. For her second birthday we had a big party in a hall with an entertainer etc. People thought we went over the top but she loves parties so whatever. Anyway, we invited all of our family and friends and everyone from nursery. All of dp's friends either texted the night before or just didn't turn up and a couple of my friends did the same. Without the kids from nursery coming, it would've been a disaster. She had a lovely day and I know who to not bother inviting next time.

asmallbunchofflowers · 24/05/2010 10:15

Poor little girl.

When did people become so rude and inconsiderate?

ScreaminEagle · 24/05/2010 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
loolop · 24/05/2010 12:18

Glad it's not just me that thinks this is totally totally unacceptable!! I am printing off this thread to take round to her tonight with a bottle of wine!

She is still really upset - she had been telling her work friends all about the party last week & has just texted me to say she's now cringing as everyone keeps asking her how the party went. She has had it out with her family members who didnt bother to show which seems to have resulted in them telling her she is 'being oversensitive'! I doubt she will say anything to the nursery mums tbh.

I think she had given out invites to everyone - she gave one to DD so presume so.

Its still really bothering me today - I cant get the image of 8 party bags all made up on the side, they probably went in the bin last night!

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 24/05/2010 12:22

oversensitive my arse - they are a bunch of insensitive, unfeeling selfish bastards to do that to a 3 yo! (well to anyone really but 3 is the first party that most DC really understand what it's all about, isn't it)

Fuck'em - if it were my family, I would seriously not be bothering to do anything for any of their birthdays for at least a year (except the nan of course, who made the effort. Bet she was upset too, no?)

Original poster
loolop · 24/05/2010 12:30

Yes her Nan was v.upset for her - even offered her some money to make up for the cost! She was also upset had she had bought the birthday girl clothes because she thought she would get lots of toy/play type presents from the other children. Seriously it was heartbreaking to witness, am so so so so pleased we went! Glad my DD's bday party was out of the way in March otherwise i'd seriously be stressing!

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 24/05/2010 12:31

They had the gall to call her oversensitive? Well, I suppose to someone who clearly has the sensitivity of a brick wall, normal people might seem oversensitive!

cupcakesandbunting · 24/05/2010 12:35

Oh god this has set me off

What cunts. Sorry for the naughty word but they are. I hope that the karma fairy kicks them squarely up the arses.

Cunts.

christina1971 · 24/05/2010 12:39

Soooo shocked - I can't believe people behave like this. I think I need to get out more, (DS 8 months!!) but have never heard of this before. Is it getting more common just to stand people/ little children up? How horrible. I don't think I could let it go either.

azazello · 24/05/2010 12:40

YADNBU. What nasty people. And to call HER oversensitive -wtf! Your poor friend.

PlanetEarth · 24/05/2010 12:43

How awful! Never had that happen luckily.

One time my daughter invited a friend round, the friend went to her granny's instead, mum never phoned to let us know and I couldn't get hold of her. Daughter really upset and that wasn't even a party or anything.

paisleyleaf · 24/05/2010 12:43

Oversensitive?
Your birthday party is a big deal when you're 3.
Maybe they should be made to explain/apologise to the birthday girl.

Shaz10 · 24/05/2010 12:52

This is awful. So many people really don't seem to have manners anymore. Your poor friend and her daughter.

Hullygully · 24/05/2010 12:53

Cannot get over the bad manners. Cannot.

kill them.

traceybath · 24/05/2010 12:58

I still can not get over this.

Its just so mean - people are just so selfish its all about them from bridezillas/pfb syndrome/returning gifts because they're not right etc etc.

God - whatever happened to going to stuff/saying thank you for things even if its not your cup of tea or what you really want to be doing.

Its called manners.

I really hope the little girl is ok and not too upset by it.