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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset for my friend

126 replies

loolop · 23/05/2010 21:03

It's her dd's 3rd birthday on wednesday and she had a little party for her at her house today...and me and my dd were the only ones who turned up. Was really sad my lovely friend had done lots of food, games, toys in the garden and 8 party bags out on the side. Was awful, her nan was there also but that was it. Invitees, who were a mixture of family and friends, had all said they were coming and then didn't bother. Most didn't even bother to ring/text to say why.

Just feel awful for her, she's a single mum who works f/t and had put time,effort and money in to today. Just feel grrrr on her behalf!

Her poor dd said as we were leaving 'is my party finished mummy, only dd came'

OP posts:
violethill · 23/05/2010 22:02

How utterly rude of the so called 'friends'. Let's hope some of them might be reading this and feel ashamed.

Pancakeflipper · 23/05/2010 22:17

Oh I hate hearing things like this. The poor kid and the poor mother. Makes you want to cry for them.

Was it the weather? I reckon many parties especially those in sweaty play centres had several guests missing. It's just rude.

ConnorTraceptive · 23/05/2010 22:22

that is so sad to hear. Some people are just so flakey and inconsiderate. I'm quite glad you posted actually as I was just wondering whether to invite my friends daughter to ds's party despite the fact that two years running she has been a no show without so much as a text on the day. You've helped me make up my mind.

PatsyStone · 23/05/2010 23:05

I had a similar situation for ds' 4th birthday. Only two children turned up. I cried all evening . I don't think ds was too bothered, it was me who was more upset. I was a young mum so was kind of used to being the social outcast, just a shame when it affects the dc.

Some people are just so rude and selfish. Your friend's dd's comment made me so sad

chipmonkey · 23/05/2010 23:06

Aw, the poor little love! Why are people so mean?

WinkyWinkola · 23/05/2010 23:11

Really really ill mannered behaviour. The poor kid.

People are so rude. When did it become ok to behave this way?

The mum must make sure she never invites those same people again.

PiscesLondon · 23/05/2010 23:30

b*stards!

if anyone hurt and upset my child like that i would want to kill them

YANBU to be upset for her. you must be so angry on her behalf too.

she has to confront them, she can't let that go. for any of them not to ring with an explanation is unforgiveable.

PeachesandStrawberry · 23/05/2010 23:48

Poor friend and her DD

It's not right.

I would be fuming and I probably would reassess my friendships

Am and on their behalf.

QSnondomicile · 23/05/2010 23:52

Poor little girl.
This is the saddest thing I have read today.

colditz · 23/05/2010 23:53

Oh God.

tell me where all these people live

This, bizarrely, ranks higher as a crime in my mind than shop lifting

QSnondomicile · 23/05/2010 23:55

You are right about that one, colditz.

malovitt · 23/05/2010 23:55

This happened to my neighbour's little dd on her 6th birthday.
Despite inviting 10 children who all confirmed, no-one turned up at all, and her family lived miles away so couldn't make up the numbers. I saw her throwing piles of food into the bin in tears.

colditz · 23/05/2010 23:58

The mum needs to phone them up and make them feel really uncomfortable by not doing that British thing of throwing a lacy doily over the whole thing and pretnending it's fine.

She needs to ring (or even better, TURN UP) and say

"It was DD's party today, did you not feel like showing your face? Neither did anyone else. She cried her eyes out."

then to sit in silence while they bluster and squirm in horror /.... because there's nothing worse than being challenged for rudeness.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 24/05/2010 00:05

I'm with colditz.

How very nasty.

PeachesandStrawberry · 24/05/2010 00:09

Definatly

Make them feel guilty

oxeye · 24/05/2010 00:18

oh that is so sad, and Malovitt, your poor neighbour

You are right, when did it become ok to be like this? What lesson are those parents teaching their DC?

This happened at a friend's wedding - lots of people who had confirmed just didn't come, she spent the day in tears....

MoChan · 24/05/2010 07:55

Beyond sad. People are so completely selfish, it makes me incapacitated with rage. The only thing that would stop me from attending a party had said we'd attend would be an extreme emergency, genuinely nasty illness, etc... and I would actually cancel, i.e., phone to explain our absence.

sunnydelight · 24/05/2010 08:03

Oh that's horrible! I can't believe that people can be so nasty/thoughtless/rude.

RunawayWife · 24/05/2010 08:06

poor little girl.
I hate people who are too pig ignorant to let you know if they can't make it.

Bucharest · 24/05/2010 08:07

Tell your friend we'll have a Mumsnet party for her little girl next time.

I agree with Colditz and others, she really should let these people know how upsetting it was, then have nothing to do with them again and make some real friends like you And she should tell the family members to fvck off as well, dna does not an obligation make.

Tee2072 · 24/05/2010 08:13

Honestly, this is exactly why I don't want to have parties for my son. I know I will have to.

How incredibly rude. I would ring them each up and ask them where they were.

thumbwitch · 24/05/2010 08:33

It is abysmally rude and inconsiderate! Poor child, and Malovitt's neighbour's child, and oxeye's friend (because even though she is big, she probably paid through the nose for those people to not turn up, and probably could have invited someone else instead who would have appreciated the invitation more)

I would be ringing them up as well - and telling them that DD was in tears over it.
Shockingly bad mannered.

MumNWLondon · 24/05/2010 08:41

Thats really awful.

On a similar note (and this didn't matter nearly as much) I did a joint party for DS (age 4) and 2 of his friends from school last weekend.

We invited whole class (26 kids) and asked people to let us know if they were coming. Only 2 said they were not.

On the day more than 10 didn't come. It didn't really matter as still around 15 kids came but I did think that it was rude that nearly half the kids didn't come. Lots of wasted food and going home presents.

I guess its deemed to be acceptable to do this. We joked that we did the party at a leisure centre as could fit 26 kids in the house (school policy need to invite whole class).......

TheBride · 24/05/2010 08:46

Am v teary. I know it's pregnancy hormones but still - YADNBU

What are these parents teaching their children? It's ok to say you'll do something/ meet someone and then just not turn up?

I am already scared about having parties for DS for exactly this reason and he's not even born yet.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/05/2010 08:55

Ohhh that poor little girl and her mum. I'd be absolutely gutted. She needs to do what Colditz said, go and confront them on their rudeness.