bonsoir I think one of the points Xenia is making is that OJ (and IME every media report on the subject ever) focusses exclusively on working MOTHERS and not working PARENTS.
I don't really care what he says about children needing 1:1 care with a primary caregiver up to the age of 3, that's fine by me if that's what the research shows is best (what I do with my own child is none of his business TBH ).
What I don't understand is the assumption that this caregiver must be the mother, that therefore mothers who work are 'bad' and 'failing' at their 'primary function' which is 'being a mother'
My DD is 2, as I said earlier in the thread, and as I am no longer breastfeeding her, there is no earthly reason why I am a better caregiver for her than my DH.
No one ever ever asks my DH 'how do you cope combining work and family?'. Men are expected to work fulltime, it is not questioned at all, in fact, a father who doesn't work fulltime is considered something of a rarity and / or letting down his family. Since I went back to work fulltime, I have been asked the 'how do you juggle it?' question on an almost weekly basis, simply because I am a woman.
There was some research published a few weeks ago, don't know if you saw it. It showed that actually the woman working in a family did not lead to family breakdown - the factor which DID was when that woman was expected to also run the house, the kids, the cooking, the cleaning as well as hold down the fulltime job. Families where domestic duties are equally split between the man and the woman do not suffer the rates of breakdown you suggest.
I refuse to be the one who stays home running the house and family in order to facilitate my DH being able to work. not only can't we afford it, we would both hate it. I think we should both be able to do both things - we share the breadwinning and we share the domestic duties. It works absolutely fine and I hope gives my DD the message that men and women can be equal, a pretty important thing for her to understand.
As an aside, I do think these issues will start to disappear when men start to demand that they have more input into family life, demanding the chance to work flexibly, demanding the opportunity to raise their own children.
I am geniunely interested who on this thread would say that a mother is uniquely the best person to raise her children up to the age of 3 and that a father cannot also do this role?