to wonder who Oliver James is? working mothers look away!

[Chulita]

Here Sorry if there's a thread on it already, I just read this and was a bit

I have just listened to this!!! What an diot - how dare he judge anyone's decisions without knowing the in's and out's of their life!! His poor poor wife..... everything must be all her fault! And he has only looked after toddlers for a number of weeks at a go??!

Why not? Because he's a man? Your position is illogical.

I agree with Avril too - he stumbled far too much on that answer for it to be the truth....not because he is a man

I thought this was an awful interview. Everyone talked over the top of everyone else, Jenni Murray wouldn't let him finish his sentences and they sounded like squabbling toddlers. I turned it off as it was just an unpleasant noise in my ears.
Do working women like me really care what some bloke thinks anyway?
Different if he was a politician planning to legislate to stop women working, but he's just a bloke who's written a book. Big deal.

All this obsession with "one to one" - what about second and subsequent children, who don't get one to one even if their mothers or fathers are SAHs. Are they inherently disadvantaged? Or does your biological role as "mother" mean you somehow transcend this in a way other carers cannot?

I know we shouldn't care - we all make decisions in our own families to make life work the best for everybody and it would be lovely if we could all live and let live, but then some idiot comes along and is just bloody annoying....! Especially when I am supposed be trying to work from home!

Oh well. Someone wrings their hands over childcare. What's new.

Someone above (Bree?) asked if there was anyone on here who has an older child who went to childcare. My dd is 14, I have worked FT since she was 3 months, and I used a nursery. It was utterly fine. She went to the nursery with a load of children who she subsequently went to preschool and school with all teh way through. Excellent care given by the lovely women at the nursery (not all bored 19 year olds, just to clarify). DD is facebook friends with 2 of the women who worked at the nursery and looked after her 14 years ago. So no, not damaging. BUT - spend as much as you can on nursery. Generally you get what you pay for.

I was raised by someone who worked FT, I worked FT and my daughter no doubt will work FT when she has children. Working class work ethic. It is just what is done (for me, anyway).

If I had another child i would go straight back out to work. Not that I would need to financially. But because I want to: I want a comfortable life materially, I want to stay in my job which I worked my arse off the succeed, financial independence is utterly criticial and I just want to. If you think that is selfish, well agree with you then and freely admit it. But this is my life and my priorities. It is perfectly possible to work hard and be 'selfish' about aspects of your life AND be a loving, caring and cherished mother.

I listened, and he was an arse. Jenni Murrey did keep interrupting him, but radio interviewers have to do this to stop their interviewees rambling off on one(they only had about 10mins!), and he did keep making 'off-the-cuff' remarks that had to be challenged IMHO. It was worse of him to keep talking after she'd asked him to stop for a moment. You have to respect what the 'chair' of the discussion is saying.

I went back to work when DD1 was small. Bad old days of 16 weeks mat leave.
She is now 10 and is on G&T register.

So I can say that for my child being in a nursery setting has not harmed her in any way.

For me on the other hand, I am on child number three and the idea of going back to work is terrifying.
How will I be able to do everything I do now and fit in a week of work?
Dh is in the process of re training as a plumber. He works long hours and cant always be relied upon to be home at set times.

How does that work?
How do you do it?
Who losses out?

Is there a link to the woman's hour thing?

yep

Looks like it's on iplayer.

Oh, and it was around 10.30ish I think, as it was just before the WH drama.

It's about 40 minutes into the programme I think if you're trying to find it.

That's a contradiction between the Times article - saying he had not looked after children and he says weeks sole care so what shoudl happen is the Times publishes an apology to James - I am sure he can find a lawyer to make them do so, preferably a top female one of course and about any of the other misrepresentations of his views.

I still get a feeling of sexism in the talk about mothers being under huge pressure he says. We aren't. Like all adults in this society and most and in the past and now we work as do men. It's not difficult and we are very good parents too most of us. No pressure and as others have said on the thread and like Mr James himself we know full well most adults prefer to work - he does himself. He delegates his childcare just as we do and many parents manage it very well.

The issue of how you are with your children is not really related to whether you work or don't. I have never had anything like a naughty step and I agree with him other that. You need an empathey and understanding with yoru chidlren . Now of course working mothers tend to be much better at all thise because we are the clever ones who can hack it in the work place and we understand pscychology and are better with chidlren. There is a huge case ot be made that the best mothers are the working mothers but that doesn't sell papers.

Why are people reacting so strongly to what this chap is saying. He's not trying to torture children. But the way Jenni and co were shutting him up that is the impression you might get. We are supposed to be trying to do the best for our children. So why blast someone who for talking about the issues. Are we not able to think straight any longer. Perhaps we all need more sleep.

kayak - it's mainly because he's utterly blinkered when it comes to working mothers! Simple as that!

And when I say blinkered I mean ignorant and insulting

I think some of what he said makes sense, but this is far outweighed by the WOHM/SAHM thing (not least as this is his main issue - it's not like we've picked up on some silly little throwaway comment).

I happened to catch this interview this morning and was struck by something he said about lots of women previously of a Bridget Jones mentality now finding it difficult to embrace a 'mummy' mentality. The man seems not to be able to see women in anything but cliches and stereotypes.

I was also struck by the immediate mention of his mother leaving him to cry at the bottom of the garden when he was tiny. As Jenni suggested, this surely was not that unusual at the time as it probably at least partly reflected current childcare advice. He seemed to me to be a man with a dire need to get over himself and move on - there's surely a mass of adults whose parents acted similarly, who don't have to spend their whole lives/careers trying to resolve the issue for themselves ...

Anyway, he certainly didn't come across well!

I notice the second post on this thread has been deleted since this morning, and it was posted on Saturday! I can feel a SWMNBN case in the offing....

Yeah I found that Bridget Jones line quite offensive Georgee. I am not bloody well anything like Bridget Jones and have never had the slightest trouble embracing a mothering identity.

oh dear is he going to do a SWMNBN do you think? I might have called him a fruitloop on another thread.... doesn't that count as fair comment?

Xenia: "of course working mothers tend to be much better at all thise because we are the clever ones who can hack it in the work place and we understand pscychology and are better with chidlren"

I love it

great minds think alike seth (a nice way of saying oops x-posts!!)

Xenia: "of course working mothers tend to be much better at all thise because we are the clever ones who can hack it in the work place and we understand pscychology and are better with chidlren"

OMG! almost as shocking as some of Oliver's comments!!!